Raindrops And Rosebuds
by Admiral Albia
Summary: Live Free Or Die, Prankster War and Werewolves\' Magic Institute. This started off as a `Sirius gets his name cleared` fic and has now become an epic in its own right... please don\'t be put off by length or the first few chapters! PG-13 for swearing. Don
1. Live Free Or Die

freeordieintro

RAINDROPS AND ROSEBUDS 

A QUARTET BY ADMIRAL ALBIA 

Put into one fic for your ease. 

PART ONE;   
LIVE FREE OR DIE 


	2. Prologue

Part 1 Live Free or Die   
By Admiral Albia 

A/n; Well, I know that this idea's been done before, but the main part isn't Sirius getting freed here.. it's what happens _afterwards_... and I can practically guarantee that _that_ bit's original. As you may have guessed, Sirius has a choice between living free... or dying. But Harry and co. have to make it for him... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except Sirius' pets and the word Cargen. Happy? Oh yes, and I also own this **** painting... "Don't swear about me!" 

Changing;   
[][][] means the POV is changing; probably from Sirius in the first person to third person or vice-versa.   
/\/\/\ means the scene or time is changing... 

Chapter 1; Prologue   
"Breakfast!" Harry waited until Dudley had wobbled his way downstairs then headed down himself. Aunt Petunia banged down his grapefruit quarter - Dudley's diet was still on - and sat down to eat hers, only to discover that Dudley had stolen it. For a brief moment, it looked as though she might actually get annoyed with him; but it quickly passed over.   
Tap. Tap. Tap. All three looked up at the window, and saw the owl sitting there. Harry stood up and went to let it in. He didn't recognise it and it wasn't carrying his Hogwarts letter, so naturally he was very interested...   
"Give me that!" Uncle Vernon had snuck up behind him and now tore the letter out of Harry's hand. "Who's it from?"   
"I don't know, I haven't had a chance to look yet," Harry said crossly. Uncle Vernon unrolled the letter.   
"Remus Lupin? Who the hell is he?"   
"Remus... oh, him. He's a friend of my godfather's..." The effect was instantaneous; Uncle Vernon dropped the letter onto Harry's grapefruit and sat down on Dudley before he realised that his son was occupying the chair. Now even more curious, Harry opened the letter. 

> > > _Dear Harry,_   
_ I'm sure you remember me, I taught you Defence Against the Dark Arts in your third year. Yes, this letter's from `Professor` Lupin. I just thought you'd like to know that after months of hounding the Ministry, we've finally managed to get Sirius a re-trial - but don't tell him, it's a birthday surprise._   
_ The trial will be held at Hogwarts castle tomorrow, so I'll come and get you today. Don't worry, I heard from Arthur Weasley about your relatives' fireplace, I'll come a different way. You may want to pack your school trunk, and don't forget your dress robes!_   
_ Remember; don't tell Sirius a thing. Actually, come to think of it, you can't: by the time Gyna reaches you the Ministry will have `arrested` Sirius._   
_ This trial is going to be foolproof; we've convinced them to use Veritaserum so there's absolutely no chance of anyone being able to say he's lying. I'll come and get you at 10 o'clock AM. Please look after Gyna until I get there._
>>> 
>>> _Remus Lupin_   
_(Moony)_

Harry was grinning ear to ear by the time he'd finished reading. "Can I go and give Prof- Remus' owl some water? I've finished. Oh, and he'll be coming to fetch me in a couple of hours..."   
"WHAT?"   
"He's coming to collect me in a couple of hours, at ten o'clock. There's something very important happening that I can't possibly miss so he's coming to get me."   
"Hmph. Well, as long as he comes in a normal way and doesn't blow apart the wall again." Assuming this meant he could go, Harry picked the owl up gently and ran upstairs. Hedwig moved over so Gyna could get into the cage, and Harry began to pack his trunk, being careful to leave his dress robes near the top. 

/\/\/\

"Well, where is he then?" Uncle Vernon asked checking his watch.   
"I don't know, do I?"   
"Yoo-hoo! Harry!"   
"Professor Lupin? Where are you?"   
"I don't teach you any more, so call me Remus. And I'm right outside your window worrying about this Invisibility Potion wearing off, so can you let me in please?" Surprised, Harry opened the window. There was a soft bump as Remus landed, then the potion wore off; he appeared with a broomstick in his hand. "Sorry, Harry - I forgot to tell you I'd be invisible. Ah, you must be Harry's uncle!" Uncle Vernon just glared.   
"Um... are we flying out, too?" Harry asked, "Because my broom and the Cloak are both packed in my trunk..." Remus swore.   
"We'd better get them out, hadn't we?" Together the two of them pulled the broom and Harry's Invisibility Cloak out of the trunk and closed it again. "Right, all set. The owls had better stay in the cage, because Muggles do tend to notice this stuff... now, stick your trunk in there." Harry stared; Remus was holding a small canvas bag.   
"You can't be serious."   
"I'm serious. It's enchanted, it'll hold anything and everything. So put your trunk in." Shrugging, Harry did as he was told; and to his amazement, it _did_ go in. So did the owls' cage, though they hooted indignantly until Remus told them that it was `only until we get into the countryside...` 

/\/\/\

"Ah, Hogsmeade! Well, Harry, you're back to school early. We've got to find the Weasleys and Hermione now..."   
"Hey, Harry!" Harry turned; Ron and Hermione had found him. "You got here!"   
"Yeah, thanks to Pro- Remus..."   
"We're getting there," Remus muttered. Then he added, "Hi, Otto." The man who'd been trying to sneak up on him looked disappointed.   
"How did you know it was me?"   
"Puh-lease, Otto, you're the smelliest thing for miles around."   
"I had a bath this morning!"   
"But you still smell of... well, you. And your species, which is a big giveaway in this crowd... Hey, Milo! Long time no see!" Harry, Ron and Hermione watched, bemused, as more and more people arrived and began to crowd round Remus and his friend. Eventually, Otto grinned; and suddenly everyone backed away. Remus howled gently and they backed away still further.   
"Why they only like us `till we remind them I'll never know," Otto said as they strolled into the Three Broomsticks.   
"Do you have your trunk, Harry?" Ron asked once they'd gone. "We're all staying in Hogwarts for the night, our stuff's already up there. The holiday password's just Gryffindor, pretty easy to remember though that's probably the idea... come on!"   
"Hey, wait for me!" They turned round and saw Neville coming up behind them carrying a suitcase.   
"Oh, hi Neville!"   
"Hey, Harry, why do you have your school trunk?"   
"Because I might not be going back to my aunt and uncle's house. Need any help?"   
"No, thanks, I'm fine. What's the password?"   
"Gryffindor," said a voice behind them. It was Professor McGonagall. "It's so the staff can get in and out easily... Come _on_, you two!" Remus and Otto came hurrying up the slope behind her. 

/\/\/  
[][][] Sirius' POV

"Let's see... on the bright side, I don't have to eat rats any more, I'm undercover, I'm wearing clean underwear. On the downside... I'm claustrophobic, hungry, going back to Azkaban, locked in Hogwarts and there's not even a rat-hole. Did I mention claustrophobic? Oh, yes, and I'm talking to myself. Not that there's anything new there."   
The thing about talking to yourself is that you know you'll listen, something I really needed right now. It wasn't so much the going back to Azkaban - Fudge had eventually taken Dumbledore's advice and removed the Dementors - it was the fact that I knew two other people in there. And I didn't particularly want to see them again. And there was the Peter thing, of course.   
But mainly right now I was feeling claustrophobic. There was no window in the room I was locked in, and the door was only visible from the outside. I was caged, and that word was making itself heard very ferociously in the back of my mind, the part that wasn't human. The part that was... well, wild. Wild, free and animalistic, the part that made me a Cargen. A Cargen being a witch or wizard who is tied to animals magically. Speaking of which... I suddenly realised that I could escape, or at least part of me could. I leant back, closed my eyes...   
...found an owl. I gently asked if I could come along for a ride, and it agreed...   
...and I _was_ the owl. My eyes weren't cut out for day work, everything was too bright but recogniseable. The wind was ruffling silently through my feathers, bringing the fresh air that my body, safe in Hogwarts, craved. My mind was free to roam. I took the owl into a dive, just for the fun of it, before he went out of range...   
...and my mind snapped back. I was refreshed. Still cooped up, still on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but refreshed. People have yet to invent a spell which can keep a Cargen's natural magic from working. You can chain my body, but you can't hold my mind... 

/\/\/  
A/n; OK, I know that first one of Sirius is weird, but it just seems to happen. Next chapter will be the trial, then after that the storyline will really start...   
I am seriously insecure about my work, so pleeeeease revieeeeeew!   
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	3. Trial By Veritaserum

Part 2 Live Free or Die   
By Admiral Albia 

A/n; Well, I know that this idea's been done before, but the main part isn't Sirius getting freed here.. it's what happens _afterwards_... and I can practically guarantee that _that_ bit's original. As you may have guessed, Sirius has a choice between living free... or dying. But Harry and co. have to make it for him... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except Sirius' pets and the word Cargen. Happy? Oh yes, and I also own this **** painting... "You don't own me, I just hang on your wall!" 

Changing;   
[][][] means the POV is changing; probably from Sirius in the first person to third person or vice-versa.   
/\/\/\ means the scene or time is changing... 

Chapter 2; Trial By Veritaserum 

[][][] Third Person

"So, Neville, what are you doing here?" Harry asked as they made their way into the Great Hall for the trial.   
"Oh, Gran fostered Sirius for a while... I don't know what happened to his real parents, but I don't think it's anything good."   
"Ah, right. Hey, is that a three-foot-long dragon on Hagrid's shoulder?" Ron peered over.   
"Yeah, it is! Hey, Hagrid! What's the dragon doing here?" Hagrid turned round and called over his shoulder.   
"She's Sirius', I'm jus' lookin' after her for a while! Didn' want to miss the trial, though."   
"Sirius has a pet dragon?" Hermione whispered.   
"Why did he _really_ go to Azkaban?" Ron asked in an undertone. 

/\/\/  
_A/n; I'm going to skip the trial, it's not important. Just remember, they used Veritaserum._>   
/\/\/\

Fudge consulted his notes again; he'd been doing so on and off for the past five minutes. "Well, I... can't see anything that you've done wrong here, I must say..." Remus leaned over and whispered something to Otto, who laughed. "Oh, very well... has the Jury decided?" There was a murmur of assent from the jury box and Fudge went over to speak to them. As he did so, Sirius gave a little gasp and sat bolt upright; he was staring straight ahead for just a second. Then he slumped again and shook his head fiercely. Behind Harry, the dragon snarled.   
"It has been decided that Sirius Black is free to go; but does anyone have a photograph of Peter Pettigrew that we can give to the _Prophet_?" Fudge said something else, but this went unheard because of the cheers and whistles filling the hall. The dragon, meanwhile, jumped right over Harry's head and ran straight over to Sirius; they could just see his face through a gap as she crawled up onto his shoulder and rubbed her head into his neck.   
"Like a cat!" Ron yelled over the noise.   
By the time Harry, Ron and Hermione got down from the seats, Sirius was invisible under the press of bodies, though they could just hear his voice.   
_Bugger,_ a voice at Harry's ankle said. He looked down and saw a snake. _I was hoping to get to him _without _getting trodden on,_ the snake continued.   
"Uh... can I help?" Harry offered. Ron and Hermione stopped and stared at him before they, too, looked down.   
_Pardon? Oh, yes please. Just pick me up... thank you._   
"Harry, why is that snake in here?" Ron asked nervously.   
"Good question." Harry looked down at the snake. "Why _are_ you here?"   
_Because I'm his friend, idiot._ The snake sounded amused.   
"Whose friend?"   
_Sirius'._   
"Well?"   
"He's Sirius' friend... I think..."   
"Oh yes, that's right." Remus navigated his way out of the crowd around Sirius. "I meant to warn you earlier, Sirius has a lot of pets. And I mean a _lot_. Tkaa's the first one, I think, and Bria's the second - she's the dragon. It's because he's a Cargen." Ron's jaw dropped.   
"He's a Cargen? Really?"   
"Yeah, really. Why else do you think he's allowed to keep a dragon? She's perfectly harmless, though, the sweetest thing you'll ever see. Well, until something happens to Sirius, anyway."   
"Who's Tkaa?" Hermione asked.   
"Harry's holding Tkaa. He's the snake."   
"What's a Cargen?" Harry asked curiously.   
"Oh, sorry, Harry. A Cargen is a witch or wizard with a natural bond with animals, and I have been told that Sirius is one of the most powerful ones to date. Ah, here he comes... I didn't think he'd be able to stand it for much longer..." To their amusement, a large black dog trotted out from between people's legs, with Bria riding on top. There was sudden confusion in the centre of the crowd.   
"Phew, I'm glad that's over," Sirius said once he'd changed back, "They never seem to understand that I'm claustrophobic... hey, Tkaa! I was wondering where you'd got to!"   
"Milton, Binary and Buckbeak are outside and Aelops is in the Owlery," Remus offered.   
"Naturally, he's an owl." Sirius took Tkaa gently from Harry and headed towards the door. "Coming, anyone?" They followed him out of the hall.   
"You're a Cargen?" Ron asked again.   
"Yes, I'm a Cargen. And it's no big deal, really it's not. Hello, Fawkes." Dumbledore's phoenix flew down and sat on the shoulder that Bria wasn't occupying.   
"That's easy for you to say," Remus told him, "Personally, I always feel homosexual around you. Damn wolf instincts..." He shook his head sadly.   
"Well, you know how to avoid that, don't you? Don't get-" Sirius collapsed suddenly. Bria shrieked. Fawkes flared. And Tkaa looked straight at Harry and said;   
_Get a doctor. Quick!_ Harry set off at a run, back into the hall.   
"Where are you going?" Ron yelled after him.   
"Tkaa said get a doctor so I'm getting a doctor! Madam Pomfrey!" Madam Pomfrey came out hastily, saw Sirius and began to run.   
"He's not breathing!" Remus said suddenly.   
"What?"   
"He's not breathing! Poppy, he's not breathing!"   
"Get out of the way! _Respiro!_" Sirius gasped suddenly and began to hyperventilate. "Not healthy, but it'll do. Sirius, calm down. You can breathe now." Dumbledore came out of the hall.   
"What's going on, Poppy?"   
"He just stopped breathing, Albus. Completely. And... oh, my... he's running a serious fever here. About ten degrees above average."   
"He's never been ill in his life," Remus said, looking puzzled. "Well apart from that time doing our N.E.W.Ts, but we all agreed that was stress.   
"He's just _been_ stressed," Madam Pomfrey said a little grumpily. "Albus, we'll have to open up the hospital wing. A fever this high could easily prove fatal..." 

/\/\/  
A/n; Well, there you go. Please review, pleeease!   
Chapter three coming... eventually... when I write it...   
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	4. This Is No Normal Illness...

Part 3 Live Free or Die   
By Admiral Albia 

A/n; Well, I know that this idea's been done before, but the main part isn't Sirius getting freed here.. it's what happens _afterwards_... and I can practically guarantee that _that_ bit's original. As you may have guessed, Sirius has a choice between living free... or dying. But Harry and co. have to make it for him... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except Sirius' pets and the word Cargen. Happy? Oh yes, and I also own this **** painting... "Muahahahaha! You don't know the password, you don't know the password..." 

**_WARNING!_** The second over-used plotline is about to come into play here. But don't worry, I altered the first one, didn't I? Trust me...

Changing;   
[][][] means the POV is changing; probably from Sirius in the first person to third person or vice-versa.   
/\/\/\ means the scene or time is changing... 

Chapter 3; This is no normal illness....   
"I don't get it! I _just don't get it!_" Madam Pomfrey shrieked for the twentieth time.   
"What's the matter, Poppy?" Dumbledore asked.   
"All my charms, potions, even a Coolness Curse - anything that could help him just bounces off or makes him throw up! I can't even get a Dreamless Sleep potion to stay down!" She hurled the empty bottle onto the floor, where it broke. "This is no ordinary illness! Even Dragonpox accepts a Pepper-Up Potion!"   
"You mean it's not natural?" Remus asked from the bedside.   
"You show me one natural disease which repels all magical cures and I'll show you a flying pig!"   
"Ah. So... a _magical _illness?"   
"They still accept the potions! This is ridiculous!"   
"All right, Poppy, we hear your point," Dumbledore said quietly. "We'll just have to try the Muggle way, that's all."   
"I've _tried_ Muggle cures! What do you think these are?" There was silence for a moment. Then;   
"It won't accept _any_ cure?" Otto said quietly.   
"No!"   
"Then it is a curse," Dumbledore said softly. "And we only have limited time. Meanwhile, we shall have to use the old methods; warmth, quietness and bed rest." It was at that point that Sirius screamed; and continued to scream for almost a whole minute.   
"Um, did you say quietness?" Remus asked, trying to lighten the mood.   
"Oh, very funny, Remus." Otto said crossly.   
"Everyone get down to the library," Dumbledore said briskly. "Minerva, will you give the students permission to use the Restricted section?" Professor McGonagall nodded. "Harry, Remus, come with me please." Curious, they followed him as everyone else headed down to the library - even Fred and George were taking this seriously. 

/\/\/\

Dumbledore sat down at the desk in the Transfiguration classroom and sighed. "I need you two to go on a mission for me. It _must_ be you who go. And please, sit down. Prepare yourselves for a shock." Obediently, they sat. "As I'm sure you are aware, any curse as powerful as this should be attributed to Voldemort, and most likely will not be found in our library. However -" he sighed again, and Harry was once more struck by how old and tired he looked, "- we must try. Also, it will almost certainly take more than just words and a wand to break the curse." Harry and Remus looked at each other.   
"Uh, we're a little lost here in the classroom," Remus said.   
"Oh - I'm sorry. Perhaps I should explain. We will almost certainly need a special, non-material ingredient... not to mention _a very good doctor_." Remus gasped.   
"Dumbledore - we can't - it's not possible..."   
"It is possible."   
"But... if we're talking about Lily here... I mean, she's _dead_..."   
"No. I have been wondering for years if I should tell you, but now..." Dumbledore sighed.   
"Are we talking about my mum?" Harry asked, feeling a little behind the conversation. The two men nodded.   
"And she's dead," Remus said firmly, gazing at Dumbledore. "Isn't she?" He sounded almost pleading now.   
"No. She is, however, in a coma, and James has unfortunately vanished. He is alive, one presumes, but I have not heard from him since the night their Copins - magical copies - were killed." Dumbledore looked at Harry. "I wish I could have told you earlier, Harry, but without proof I could not have possibly made you believe me. You do not believe me now."   
"It's impossible," Harry whispered.   
"They used Copins?" Remus stuttered.   
"Yes. Lily was not wholly sure about using Peter rather than Sirius, quite wisely it seems, so they made magical copies of themselves and Harry. I was the only person who was told. Unfortunately, in their haste to get out of the area they took the wrong copy of Harry." Dumbledore seemed to be looking, not at Harry, but through him. "When they learned that their household was dead, they assumed this meant Harry as well."   
"Why on Earth didn't anyone tell them Harry was alive?" Remus asked.   
"Because nobody knew what had happened until three months later, when the copy of Harry crumbled into dust. By the time anyone thought to owl me and tell me, Lily had attempted to murder James out of grief - I understand that he was the one who picked up the wrong baby - and he'd been forced to put her under a coma curse. From what I understood after that, he then also broke down and had just enough sense to get her somewhere safe before he ran away and tried to hide from himself."   
"So that was why you left me with the Dursleys!" Harry said, suddenly realising. A lot of other things were also beginning to nudge at him, but his mind seemed to have gone numb.   
"So, what do we have to do then? Find James, get him to reverse the curse, then what?"   
"Get them both back here before Sirius dies. I don't think James intended him to end up in Azkaban; in fact, I think he rather assumed that you would believe Sirius earlier, Remus." Remus blushed.   
"It was full moon."   
"As bad luck would have it, yes. But do you see why it must be you who go?" They nodded.   
"Because I know him better than Harry, and we need Harry to convince him that he's got a life to come back to... oh, and also to calm Lily down a bit."   
"Exactly." Dumbledore stood. "A word of warning; James is not very sociable any more. I think you will find that he hexes anyone who comes near him. In fact, I understand that a witch near where he was last seen made quite a tidy sum out of counter-curses."   
"Plus, a great big stag like that is dangerous," Remus added.   
"Very true. Oh; and take Fawkes with you."   
"Actually, I'd rather take Milton, no offence meant. If we can tear him away from Sirius... Milton is Sirius' phoenix," Remus explained for Harry's benefit. Dumbledore sighed.   
"You may have a point. Milton is, after all, a much more intelligent creature thanks to Sirius' influence. And he knows James. If he refuses to leave, though, don't make him." They nodded and left, both occupied with much the same thoughts. 

/\/\/\

"Well, Harry, get your things. I want to leave as soon as possible. And don't look so sad... even if we don't get back in time..." Remus didn't seem to be able to continue. He started again. "You'll still have a family, won't you?"   
"I'd rather have Sirius," Harry muttered, throwing his socks into his trunk.   
"Harry, that's a terrible thing to say! Why on Earth..?"   
"Well, he knew Sirius would get blamed, didn't he? And then he put my mum under some curse..."   
"Harry." Remus sat down on Harry's bed, and invited him to do the same. "James never did anything without a good reason. Lily tried to kill him, remember?"   
"What about Sirius, then?" Harry insisted, picking up his Sneakoscope and squeezing it so hard it began to whistle. Remus sighed.   
"I don't know. Maybe they planned to tell Sirius later, I wouldn't be surprised. You know, once they'd `died`."   
"But he knew Sirius would get the blame! He knew they didn't tell anyone they'd switched!"   
"Good point." Remus rubbed his nose thoughtfully. "On the other hand, though - did you know that Sirius never had a trial first time round?"   
"Oh - yeah. Thanks to Crouch..."   
"Exactly. And most trials back then were performed using a Truth Serum. They still are today, in fact. Except that some people are resilient to the things."   
"So... if Sirius had had a trial none of this would have happened..."   
"Not necessarily. Probably, but not necessarily. Remember, everyone thought you were the copy until three months later. Harry, I honestly doubt that James meant for any of this to happen. Can you stop squeezing that thing now? It's giving me a headache." Harry put the Sneakoscope down. "But leave it on top, we can use it to find James without having to call every stag we meet by his name. Last time this happened I had to try and find my nephew, and boy was that embarrassing... calling every dog-shaped creature I met `Paul`..." He shook his head. "This is supposed to be Sirius' job, not mine. I'm meant to play `father` for my niece and nephew..." He noticed Harry's surprise. "My sister was a werewolf too, married a werewolf hunter. He found out soon afterwards and killed her, but he couldn't bring himself to do the twins so he just dumped them on my doorstep. They're both werewolves too... we're an unlucky family."   
"That's horrible!"   
"I know. Don't pack all your robes or your broom, we'll be flying out..." 

/\/\/  
A/n; Right, yes, cliched and overused plotline, so sue me, I now have two in one story. Oooh, a record! Don't worry, I won't forget about poor Sirius ;-) Pleeeease revieeeewwww! Flames will be used to light Remus and Harry's camp-fire.   
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	5. Yet Another Problem...

Part 4 Live Free or Die   
By Admiral Albia 

A/n; Well, I know that this idea's been done before, but the main part isn't Sirius getting freed here.. it's what happens _afterwards_... and I can practically guarantee that _that_ bit's original. As you may have guessed, Sirius has a choice between living free... or dying. But Harry and co. have to make it for him... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the pets and the word Cargen. Happy? Oh yes, and I also own this **** painting... "It's boring, it's boring..." The word Puffskein belongs to J.K. Rowling too; it's in _Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them_ which was released in the UK for Comic Relief. I don't know about other countries, sorry. 

Changing;   
[][][] means the POV is changing; probably from Sirius in the first person to third person or vice-versa.   
/\/\/\ means the scene or time is changing... 

Chapter 4; Yet another problem...   
"Any luck yet?" Otto asked, even as he grabbed another book. "Anyone?"   
"There's plenty of cures, but no causes!" Fred said angrily. "And these animals aren't helping, either. Shoo! Go away!" Binary looked at him, then put her nose in the air and walked sedately over to Otto, who laughed.   
"They understand English... George?"   
"Fred."   
"Fred, sorry. And they want to help, that's why they keep nosing around. Remember, Sirius is a Cargen. Once animals have been around him for any length of time, they get clever... and these three are his oldest and dearest. I think it's happening to Buckbeak, too, though it's early days yet. It's OK, Binary, you can help me." He petted the unicorn affectionately.   
"There's nothing there, Ron, I've looked..."   
"Oh, OK. Where's Harry? He should be helping with this..."   
"Harry and Remus have gone on a very special mission," Dumbledore said from the doorway. "Rest assured, they are going to help immensely, provided they get back in time."   
"This is ridiculous, Albus, there's nothing here!" Professor McGonagall called wearily from the Restricted Section. "We don't teach the students to make people fatally ill, it's Dark magic!"   
"Durmstrang'd be onto a winner, then," Otto muttered, picking out yet another book.   
"Pardon?"   
"Oh, nothing... I was just thinking, though, Durmstrang students learn the Dark Arts, rather than just defence. Their library must be full of this stuff..."   
"Very true," Dumbledore murmured, stroking his beard gently. "Very true indeed... Miss Granger?" Hermione jumped.   
"Yes, Professor?"   
"I believe you visited Viktor Krum this summer?" Ron snorted.   
"Well, yes..."   
"Then could you possibly owl him and ask if he knows of any curses such as this? I will write to Karkaroff - ah, the paper!" He spread it open. "Oh, my..."   
"What?"   
"The Death Eaters have broken Azkaban open."   
"WHAT?" Came the simultaneous yell. Tkaa hissed venomously.   
"I believe you all heard me." Otto looked at Tkaa, Bria and Binary.   
"Right, who's going to tell Sirius?" They stared at him. "All of us? OK, let's go."   
"Otto-"   
"Yes, Albus?"   
"Do not tell him."   
"What? Why not?"   
"It would only worry him more, the last thing we need. You would do better to owl Remus and warn _him_."   
"But... if Azkaban's open, then..."   
"I know what you are thinking. I believe, however, that Sirius has survived his whole life pretending he has no parents. A while longer would do him no harm."   
"He _doesn't_ have any parents. They're dead..."   
"No, they are not. I suspect that you, being on the outskirts of their group, were never told the truth. Sirius' parents are alive." _A/n; This is a bit repetitive, sorry. I'll try harder..._>   
"He told me they were dead."   
"He tells everyone that. However, the fact remains that they are not and Sirius knows it. Now would not be a good time to bring the subject up, though."   
"So let me get this straight. You _don't_ want me to tell Sirius that Voldemort is now stronger than ever, just to forewarn him, because he lied when he told us all his parents were dead?"   
"That is the gist of what I was saying, yes."   
"O-o-o-K. That makes no sense at all, but OK. I'll owl Remus." 

[][][] Sirius' POV

"How's he doing?" Otto poked his head round the door.   
"I'm fine," I said tiredly. "I'm fatally ill and completely exhausted, but I'm fine." He grinned, showing his long, vampire canines.   
"You're still Sirius, though. Visitor for you." Binary trotted in.   
"Hiya, Binary."   
_Hello. Have you had any more visions?_   
"No, no more hallucinations, thank God." Otto rolled his eyes.   
"And suddenly I'm nonexistent. Oh well, at least you're sitting up."   
"He insisted," Poppy said from her seat.   
"Ah. I'm not surprised. Sirius?"   
"Mm?"   
"Why did you tell all of us your parents were dead?"   
"Because they are," I said.   
"Dumbledore doesn't think so."   
"They're dead to me."   
_You tell him, buster._ That was Tkaa, slithering in under the door. _Any more visions?_   
"They're hallucinations, and no."   
_They're visions and well you know it,_ he retorted, curling up in my lap.   
"Well, whatever they are, I haven't had any." Otto groaned.   
"Sirius. Why. Didn't. You. Tell. Us. Your. Parents. Were. Alive?"   
"Because I don't want them to be," I said shortly. "I don't want them to be alive and I don't want them near me, all right? Oh, and punch Dumbledore in the nose for me."   
_Charming,_ Binary commented. I stuck my tongue out at her.   
_It sounds perfectly reasonable to me,_ Tkaa said.   
"Thanks, Tkaa."   
"I'll just leave you alone with the animals, then, shall I?" Otto said brightly, heading for the door. "Someone really ought to warn Harry about this, you know. Hmm, I'll ask Remus to when I owl him." The moment the door shut behind him, the delirium started again. I didn't know how I was able to control it - maybe it wasn't even me - but I was certainly glad it'd stayed away, even for a while. 

_ Foster home 18. A nice house, big garden. After six years, that at least had been arranged. I took out the letter and skimmed it again. Two children, a boy my age and a three-year-old girl. I still wasn't sure about the surname, it looked rather like `Poodle` but I was sure that couldn't be right. My social worker, Gladys, knocked and I did my best to hide behind her until she told me off for being silly. "It's not like this is all new to you, is it, Sirius?" She was right. It wasn't, and that was what made it worse. The door opened and a faint smell of baking drifted out. Not that anyone else would be able to smell it from here._   
_ "Ah, Mrs. Potter." Gladys said. I stared at the name on the paper. Potter... yes, it could be. That squiggly bit could be two t's, when you looked closely... "This is Sirius Black, your new charge. And... ah... this is Bria and this is Tkaa..."_   
_ "He's not poisonous," I said quickly. She smiled._   
_ "I'm sure he's not. Won't you come in? Kids!" Two children appeared, both with the untidy black hair which I later learned was something of a family trademark. The boy was wearing glasses and I was scrutinized once again, for what felt like the millionth time in my life, that careful looking up and down that seemed to say, `you're new here`..._   
_ "James, help Sirius upstairs with his things, would you? Sirius, this is James and that's Alyssa." The girl smiled; the boy didn't._   
_ "Come on," he said shortly, and started up the stairs._

_/\/\/\_

_"Thanks," I said once we'd reached the room._   
_ "Don't bother. I don't much like the look of you and I think you know it. What the hell _is_ that little red thing, anyway?" Bria chirped._   
_ "She's a dragon and her name's Bria... hello, who's that?"_   
_ "Oh, that's just Alyssa's Puffskein. It has the run of the house, and - hey! What are you _doing_?"_   
_ "If I can't be friends with you I may as well be friends with your sister's pet. It's not my fault, they just like me."_   
_ "Hmph. Well, OK. But Alyssa'll want it back, you know."_   
_ "Why don't you like me, anyway?"_   
_ "Well, let's put it this way; you've just walked into my life. I've never met you before, I didn't even know your name until you appeared here. And my parents keep telling me how wonderful it'll be for me to have company, and how I've got to be nice to you. And I don't want company, I'm happy with Furnun who's my pet. So don't even think about following me around whingeing about your life, OK?"_   
_ "All right, I won't."_   
_ "Good. The bathroom is _this_ way... or why don't you just ask the flipping Puffskein?"_

/\/\/\

"The beginning of a friendship," I muttered, surfacing into the real world again. "Maybe it's true what they say... oh, hello, Ron." He smiled nervously.   
"Um, Sirius... I was wondering. Do _you_ know what you've got? Nobody thought this was much of an idea, but we're all stuck in the library."   
"I'm not sure," I said slowly. "I know _who's _doing it, though. It's Voldemort."   
"How do you know?"   
"I keep having... hallucinations. Things that happened in my past. Only sometimes they're not. Sometimes they're like the ones Harry has... which sounds stupid, but it's true. Except that I'm visible in them, and Voldemort's talking to me. He wants me back on his side." I looked at Ron's horrified face. "My parents are Death Eaters, OK? They're in Azkaban, they went there when I was three. Before that, though, I was destined to become Voldemort's pet Cargen. He actually gave me Tkaa."   
_And that's the only reason I like the aforementioned Dark Lord,_ Tkaa added.   
"So... You-Know-Who's cursed you because you don't want to be a Death Eater?" I nodded. "Oh. That explains a lot."   
"He's trying to get me to become one. He can't use Imperius on me, because I wouldn't be able to do the Cargen magic he wants me for and in any case I can throw it off. I have to do this voluntarily, and I have absolutely no intention whatsoever of _that_."   
"Ah. Well, thanks, Sirius. That helps a bit..."   
"Any time. But Ron?"   
"Yeah?"   
"Don't tell anyone about my parents, OK? As far as I'm concerned they're dead. I haven't seen them since I was three and I'd kind of like it to stay that way."   
"Dumbledore knows."   
"Dumbledore knows everything."   
"OK, I won't tell them." 

/\/\/  
A/n; Well, it may not seem like it, but this is a very important chapter. Or maybe you noticed. Incidentally, I have absolutely no idea what happened to Alyssa in later life; she hangs around until James graduates, then vanishes. At least according to my imagination...   
Review pleeeeeease! Constructive criticism appreciated, flames wil be used to light the fire.   
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	6. The Alps And The Dark Lord

Part 5 Live Free or Die   
By Admiral Albia 

A/n; Well, I know that this idea's been done before, but the main part isn't Sirius getting freed here.. it's what happens _afterwards_... and I can practically guarantee that _that_ bit's original. As you may have guessed, Sirius has a choice between living free... or dying. But Harry and co. have to make it for him... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the pets and the word Cargen. Happy? Oh yes, and I also own this **** painting... "It's boring, it's boring..." The word Puffskein belongs to J.K. Rowling too; it's in _Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them_ which was released in the UK for Comic Relief. I don't know about other countries, sorry. 

Changing;   
[][][] means the POV is changing; probably from Sirius in the first person to third person or vice-versa.   
/\/\/\ means the scene or time is changing... 

Chapter 5; The Alps and the Dark Lord   
"Is that him?"   
"Does that stag look like your Patronus, Harry?"   
"Um... no. Oh, this is stupid! `Somewhere in the Alps`, what a _brilliant_ location..."   
"I have to agree. I also have to land, desperately. It's getting dark in any case, let's stop for the night."   
"OK." Harry and Remus had been flying almost non-stop for a week now, taking three days to reach the Alps then spending the next four days wandering around looking at every stag they met, which was rapidly becoming boring. Remus consulted the map.   
"Let's see... there's Bolzano about half a mile North, and just on the outskirts there's a wizarding village... ugh, someone's spilt custard on it, probably Paul... um... Pilo. Could be Pilo. So OK, we'll stop off at Pilo for the night. Happy?"   
"Yeah, but we've covered almost all the Alps now and there's been no sign of, well, anything. And Sirius could be dead by now."   
"He could, but I'm willing to bet he isn't. Like I said, he's never been ill before in his life. The only other time he was, it only took him a day to recover. There's Pilo, there."   
They touched down in front of a small hotel and Remus, chucking his broom to Harry, dashed behind a tree. He emerged looking a lot happier.   
"That's the only trouble with brooms, there's no on-board toilet. Now, you almost managed that Language Charm last time, didn't you, so let's try again. _Lingua!_"   
"_Lingua!_" Harry copied him, then started speaking - and to his surprise, realised that he'd mastered the spell at long last. Remus grinned at him.   
"Good... now let's go and book a room." _A/n; of course, he said that in Italian. But since both of them have language charms on, it really doesn't make any difference.>_   
A short while later, the two of them decided to ask around for any sign of James. It was dark and there was nothing else they could do, but as soon as they stepped outside they got an answer.   
Four or five children were running down the mountain, laughing and playing. They all seemed to be between ten and fifteen, and as Remus and Harry watched a small girl detached herself from her mother and ran up to meet them.   
"Did you go? Did you?"   
"Of course we did! He's really nice, you know, as long as you're not too little or too old."   
"I wanna go see the mountain hermit!"   
"You can't though! He hates little kids, says they bring him bad memories. Wait until you turn nine."   
"That's _ages_ away! `m only four!"   
"Five years, Bella. It's not that long."   
"But you can't come with me then!"   
"Ah, well, that's just a problem you'll have to solve..."   
"I must say he seems to have got nicer these last few years." The girl's mother had joined in the conversation. "He doesn't hex people as much as he used to."   
"Yes he does! It's just that nobody who he'd hex goes up there any more!"   
"Excuse me." Remus interrupted, sounding interested. "This mountain hermit... what does he look like, exactly?"   
"Well, he's in his late thirties, I think... and he wears glasses and he's got black hair..."   
"And is his hair always a mess?"   
"Yes! Do you know him?"   
"We came to look for him, actually. Could you show us where he lives tomorrow?"   
"Of course. But he won't let you in, you're too old."   
"I'll risk it. Thank you very much!" 

/\/\/  
[][][] Sirius' POV

_"James, that's your fifth slice of toast. How can you possibly be that hungry at six a.m.?"_   
_ "I just am, that's all." James looked at me and winked. He wasn't actually eating the toast, of course, he was putting it in his pocket._   
_ "Has the paper come yet?" Mr Potter asked, as he sat down to eat. "And where's all the toast gone?"_   
_ "No; it's in James."_   
_ "Yeah. Can I have another piece, Mum?"_   
_ "No. You'll explode."_   
_ "Can I watch?"_   
_ "Shut up, Alyssa. Pleeeeease, Mum!"_   
_ "No! If you've both finished, go and work off that toast. Or... ah, the paper's here! And your Hogwarts letters, boys. You both got in, that's good."_   
_ "Death Eaters... Death Eaters... Barty Crouch... more Death Eaters... why don't they just give up?"_   
_ "Because they're stupid, dear. Oh..." Another owl had just flown in._   
_ "Sirius... could I speak to you privately, please?" I followed her into the next room._   
_ "Now, I'd like to tell you that this is nothing to do with me, Sirius dear, but the Ministry have decided to relocate you. I can complain, obviously, but I doubt that it'll do any good... we take you to Hogwarts, then Gladys will pick you up from there at Christmas. Would you like a tissue, dear?"_   
_ "No," I managed to say through the huge lump in my throat, "no, I-I'm fine." Why now? Why after two years had they decided to move me on? Why, why, why?_

_/\/\/\_

_"What? You can't leave! No way!"_   
_ "I have to," I said miserably. "I don't have a choice."_   
_ "But why? You're happy here, aren't you?"_   
_ "Of course I am!" I stared at James. It was hard to believe that the first thing he'd ever said to me was `I don't like you`, now. Now, he wanted me to _stay_... "We'll still see each other at school, I suppose."_   
_ "Yeah, but it won't be the same, will it?"_   
_ "No." I looked down at Furnun, James' pet Crup; over at Puffy the Puffskein; and finally at Bria and Tkaa. "It won't."_

_/\/\/\_

"Have you made your mind up yet?" Voldemort asked me as I appeared in his room once more.   
"I've already told you my decision. I AM _NOT_ BECOMING A DEATH EATER!"   
"Your parents wouldn't like that."   
"I have no parents."   
"Ah, yes, I forgot. Poor little Sirius, never had parents, did you? And you," he snapped at Tkaa, "Get out of this vision."   
_Not on your nelly, slime-face._   
"What?"   
_You heard._   
"I see." He actually seemed to be at a loss for a second. "Very well. Take a while longer to consider, Sirius. And teach that snake some manners." 

/\/\/\

I woke up. It was hard to say whether this was an improvement, because the moment I woke up the exhaustion came back, along with the difficulty in breathing and the weight on my chest - though I quickly discovered that the last one was Bria.   
"_Now_ how're you feeling?" Otto was back. I tried to keep my eyes open and shove Bria off at the same time, and discovered that I just didn't have the energy. She got the message, though, and jumped off of her own accord. "That bad, huh?" I nodded weakly. "Never mind, we'll find out what's going on here. Ron said it's Voldemort? Don't worry, you don't have to answer. And incidentally, Remus and Harry haven't been coming because they're not here. They're on some mission for Dumbledore, God only knows why now." He probably said more, but I didn't hear it because I fell asleep... again. 

/\/\/  
[][][] Third Person

"It's just up there and round the corner. I won't come with you, he doesn't like people disturbing him this early."   
"Definitely James," Remus muttered to Harry as they began the climb. They took their Language Charms off, since they no longer needed to speak Italian.   
A short way up the path, there was a sign reading; 

GO AWAY!

"Dumbledore was right," Harry said, grinning.   
"Yep. Incidentally, now might be a good time to put the Cloak on." They donned the Invisibility Cloak and carried on until they reached a small crack in the rock - Harry was strongly reminded of Sirius' hide-out in Hogsmeade the previous year - and squeezed into, only to find a cave as big as the Entrance Hall at Hogwarts, littered with books, parchment, dirty robes and owl droppings. A man was sitting on a chair in the tidiest part of the cave polishing a broomstick, and even from behind Harry recognized his father; the hair was a big giveaway.   
"Yuck," Remus commented in a whisper. "Right, you stay here and wait, OK? I'll... uh... prepare him." With that, he slipped out from under the Cloak... 

/\/\/\

"Eureka!"   
"I do not, I had a bath this morning!"   
"George, that's awful."   
"Sorry. What is it, Hermione?"   
"Listen; `The Maladius curse rapidly tires a victim until they are too weak to perform any simple actions such as sitting up, eating or going to the toilet. It repels and resists all cures and can only be removed by a very skilled witch or wizard in conjunction with the person who cares about the victim most. It can, however, be set by anyone. Victims suffer hallucinations, constant exhaustion and, in some cases, visions of the person who set the curse. The curse takes up to three weeks to become apparent and the victim dies in under two weeks.` We've found it!"   
"And the person who set it is You-Know-Who," Ron said slowly, "which means that we need to use the other method. But.. the person who cares about Sirius most is Harry..." 

/\/\/  
REVIEW PLEASE REVIEW!   
Hmm... is it really Harry? Or is it someone else? Looks up at second to last paragraph meaningfully>   
Chapter Six, coming soon...   
REVIEW PLEASE REVIEW!   
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	7. Prongs And Flowerpot

Part 6 Live Free or Die   
By Admiral Albia 

A/n; Well, I know that this idea's been done before, but the main part isn't Sirius getting freed here.. it's what happens _afterwards_... and I can practically guarantee that _that_ bit's original. As you may have guessed, Sirius has a choice between living free... or dying. But Harry and co. have to make it for him... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the pets and the words Cargen and Copin. Happy? Oh yes, and I also own this **** painting... "Hey, call yourself that!" The word Puffskein belongs to J.K. Rowling too; it's in _Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them_ which was released in the UK for Comic Relief. I don't know about other countries, sorry. 

Changing;   
[][][] means the POV is changing; probably from Sirius in the first person to third person or vice-versa.   
/\/\/\ means the scene or time is changing... 

Chapter 6; Prongs and Flowerpot   
"Hiya, James! Long time no see!" James Potter jumped almost three feet in the air.   
"Wha? Remus!"   
"Yep, it's me. Please don't curse me..." James lowered his wand.   
"What the... _heck_ are you doing here?"   
"Looking for you. Dumbledore sent me. James, have you been reading the paper recently?"   
"I haven't read the paper since we set up our Copins and hid."   
"I thought not. So, you don't know that Harry's alive?"   
"Oh, ha ha. Just rub it in, why don't you. How did you get in here without me noticing, anyway?"   
"Invisibility Cloak. And I'm not rubbing it in, I'm serious. Harry, now..." Harry took the Cloak off. His father stared at him.   
"Any claims that he's not your son will be seen to by Dumbledore," Remus warned. James, however, didn't seem about to say anything of the sort.   
"Harry?" he whispered, staring as though he'd been blind all his life, "Is-is that really you?" Harry nodded dumbly, and found himself enveloped in the biggest hug he'd ever received in his entire life; so hard that he couldn't breathe at all and his glasses were knocked askew. He could, however, just make out a smirk on Remus' face.   
"James, I think you're suffocating him," Remus said after a while. James blushed and released his son.   
"But... how? I don't understand..."   
"None of us does; ask Dumbledore. You do want to come back with us, I assume?"   
"Well..." Remus decided to play the trump card.   
"James, we came here to find you for a reason, and it wasn't just Harry. Sirius is fatally ill, we need Lily badly."   
"What? Sirius has never been ill in his life!"   
"This is a curse, we think. Hey! An owl!" Remus opened the letter. "Holy... Azkaban's been broken open!" _A/n; yes, this _is_ the owl that Otto sent a week ago. Remus and Harry were going faster than it, so it only caught up when they stopped._> "And Sirius said it _is_ a curse, because he keeps seeing Voldemort in visions. And Otto's mad because he's just found out that Sirius' parents are alive. And... is that owl dead?"   
"No, he's breathing," Harry said. "I know this owl; he's called Errol and he's really old." He carried Errol over to where his father's owl was sitting on a perch and attempted to balance him, but Errol kept falling off so eventually Harry just plonked him on the table.   
"Let me get this straight," James said, sitting down again and conjuring up another couple of chairs. "Harry is alive. Sirius is fatally ill. Sirius has been cursed by Voldemort. Azkaban has been broken open. And Milton is here. Wait a second, what's Milton doing here if Sirius is ill?"   
"He wanted to come and help us," Remus said. "Well, we asked him and he sort of nodded, and he's been following us so we're assuming he wanted to come." He paused. "You haven't mentioned Peter yet."   
"Do I need to? He was in Azkaban, wasn't he?"   
"Ah. No."   
"WHAT?" Remus sighed.   
"You know you didn't tell anyone about the swap?" James nodded, then realized.   
"You don't mean...?"   
"I do mean. Plus, when Sirius lost his temper and went to kill Peter, Peter faked his own death. So Sirius Black ended up on a charge of.. um... betrayal, supporting of Voldemort, and killing thirteen people because Peter blew the street up. And Peter Pettigrew got the Order of Merlin, First Class, and a cushy place as somebody's pet. Well, until Sirius escaped a couple of years ago, anyway."   
"Didn't Sirius get a trial? Or was it Barty Crouch again?"   
"Barty Crouch. Who else? But Sirius got a trial a week ago, got his name cleared... and got this b-y curse put on him. And that's about all that's happened. Oh, apart from Harry's living with Petunia."   
"_WHAT?_"   
"James, please stop doing that. You're giving my poor canine-strength ears a bashing."   
"They didn't hurt you, did they, Harry?"   
"Um... I lived in the cupboard under the stairs for ten years. Does that count?"   
"Yes!"   
"_And_ Dumbledore had to send Hagrid to give him his letter," Remus added. "They wouldn't let him read it..."   
"Hagrid's still around?"   
"Yeah... and from what I've heard he's still crazy. Remember the Chimaera?" James rolled his eyes.   
"Do I ever! Cutesie, what a _wonderful_ name for a giant, bloodthirsty monster..."   
"He had a dragon in my first year," Harry volunteered. The men groaned.   
"What did he call it?"   
"Norbert. And it bit my friend Ron."   
"Who dragged you down there every day?"   
"What? Nobody."   
"Really? With us it was Sirius. Every day, every night, every opportunity..."   
"Yeah, speaking of Sirius..." Remus made an attempt to get back on track, "he _is_ ill, and we _do_ need Lily... and she only tried to kill you because she thought Harry was dead, James, so..." James sighed.   
"Oh, OK. I've been trying every six months as it is, but she always starts again..." 

/\/\/\

"One more time," James sighed as he looked down at his wife and drew his wand. Then he paused. "Remus..."   
"Yeah?"   
"Can I hide behind you?"   
"No."   
"Oh. All right then... _Renaiss!_" Lily's eyes flew open.   
"YoubastardyoubastardI'mgonnakillyouyoubastard..." James dived behind Remus as his enraged wife attempted to strangle him.   
"Lily," Remus said loudly, "Stop trying to kill James and listen to me for a second, will you?" He grabbed Harry. "This is Harry. He's your son, and he's alive." She stopped, blinked, and stared at him.   
"Remus? What are you doing here?"   
"Trying to find the best doctor ever. But Lily... say hello to Harry, and reassure him that you're not always this homicidal..." Once more, Harry found himself suddenly being hugged so hard he nearly suffocated.   
"Can I come out now?" His father asked from behind Remus.   
"I think so... she's stopped trying to kill you, anyway." Lily stopped hugging Harry and headed over to James, who ducked out.   
"Just don't start trying to kill me, that's all I ask... do you want your wand back?"   
"Of course I do... and I won't kill you, I swear. Now, why do you need a doctor?" Remus explained.   
"Oh, goody, a curse. We'd better get moving..."   
"Uh-huh." James had packed everything up before they went to wake Lily up, and he now tossed her a broom. "So get flying..."   
"Oh no. No way. I'll Apparate, thanks..."   
"We're going to Hogwarts," Remus pointed out. Lily groaned.   
"Face it, dear, you're not going anywhere without using a broom," James told her, smirking.   
"You did this on purpose, didn't you?"   
"Nope."   
"What's going on?" Harry asked in some confusion.   
"Your mother's scared of heights," Remus explained.   
"Ah." 

/\/\/  
A/n; Well, they've found Lily and James... but Sirius has less than a week to live... and it'll take three days to get back...   
Incidentally, the flowerpot in the title is Lily. Lily Potter... Flower Pot... get it? *groans all round*   
**_REVIEW PLEEEEEASE!_**   
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	8. Shared Vision

Part 7 Live Free or Die   
By Admiral Albia 

A/n; Well, I know that this idea's been done before, but the main part isn't Sirius getting freed here.. it's what happens _afterwards_... and I can practically guarantee that _that_ bit's original. As you may have guessed, Sirius has a choice between living free... or dying. But Harry and co. have to make it for him... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except Sirius' pets and the words Cargen and Copin. Happy? Oh yes, and I also own this **** painting... "I'm not letting you into your secret room now!" The words Puffskein and Crup belong to J.K. Rowling too; it's in _Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them_ which was released for Comic Relief. 

Changing;   
[][][] means the POV is changing; probably from Sirius in the first person to third person or vice-versa.   
/\/\/\ means the scene or time is changing... 

Chapter 7; Shared Vision   
"It's getting dark, let's stop for the night."   
"Makes sense to me." The four touched down in a small clearing, and Lily promptly turned around and threw up, clearing the mess away with her wand.   
"How on _Earth_ did you _ever_ get on the Quidditch team?" Remus asked despairingly.   
"Don't ask me, it just happened..."   
"How can you play Quidditch if you're scared of heights?" Harry asked, now thoroughly confused.   
"That is the question," his father said wearily. 

/\/\/\

After dinner, which was mainly comprised of rabbit and wild strawberries, the chatter which had flown back and forth all day began again. Harry was only listening with half an ear to the jokes, groans and laughter; the air was warm and flying all day had made him sleepy. He had just enough sense left to move away from the fire a bit before he fell asleep... 

/\/\/\

He was in a room; a room he recognised almost instantly as the one where Voldemort hung around. The giant snake was asleep by the roaring fire, and Wormtail was stirring something in a cauldron. At least, that was what he was meant to be doing. What he was _actually_ doing was waving a stick around vaguely a few inches above the cauldron, and staring unashamedly at the scene in the middle of the room, where Voldemort himself was talking to...   
...Sirius. But not Sirius in the flesh, Harry guessed; he was translucent and glowing slightly. Tkaa was on his shoulder, balancing himself in some miraculous way; and the snake, too, was translucent and glowing.   
"Are you sure?"   
"I am NOT becoming a bloody Death Eater! How long does it take to get this through your skull?"   
"But Sirius," Voldemort took a step towards Sirius, and his face contorted into something that looked vaguely like a friendly smile, except it didn't reach his eyes, "You have nothing else to live for. You're a criminal, you're on the run, you're deemed insane. Your friends are dead, your parents are badness only knows where..." Sirius' face suddenly went wooden.   
"I have no parents."   
"Then who are these people?" Voldemort asked, as a man and a woman entered the room.   
"Death Eaters."   
"Oh, Siri, don't you recognise me?" The woman took a step forwards. "You don't know your own mother?"   
"You're not my mother."   
"Oh, but I am, Sirrikins..." Harry stifled a snigger. He was almost certain that nobody in the room knew he was there, but it was best to be on the safe side.   
"No Death Eater will ever be a relation of mine."   
"But you were in Azkaban!" The man sounded surprised. "We saw you."   
"Oh, I was in Azkaban." Sirius pointed at Wormtail. "For something _he_ did."   
"Oh, you wonderful loyal boy, taking the blame for..."   
"I WASN'T BEING A WONDERFUL LOYAL BOY!" Sirius exploded. "I WAS FRAMED! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE? And I _do_ have something to live for," he added to Voldemort.   
"Oh really? What?"   
"I'm Harry Potter's godfather."   
"Oh, _are_ you?" Voldemort's voice had changed back to the cruel tones Harry remembered; he was obviously done being nice. "Well, let me tell you this. You have three days to live, unless you join me. You have friends," he gestured to Wormtail, who suddenly buried himself in his potion again as Sirius looked daggers at him. "you have family, and you _would_ have a much longer life expectancy... say, years rather than days..." he smiled cruelly. "but, obviously you're not ready to live, so I'll let you get back to your hallucinations..." 

/\/\/\

Harry woke up. His scar was hurting again, and his parents were asleep. Remus, however, was awake and staring up at the moon with an expression of some agony on his face.   
"When's full moon?" Harry asked him softly.   
"Hm? Oh, you're awake. It's tomorrow."   
"Um, Remus..."   
"Yes?"   
"Do you know about the visions I have of Voldemort sometimes?"   
"Yeah, Sirius told me. Then Dumbledore did. I'm kept pretty well informed. Why?"   
"I just had another one." Harry told Remus what he'd seen. "But... Sirius isn't a Death Eater, is he?"   
"He isn't, but his parents are. They were both in Azkaban, though he pretends they're dead. I think he'd probably prefer it if they were dead... oh, hello, Milton." The phoenix had landed on a branch above them, and now he bagan to sing, softly so as not to wake up Lily and James. Harry smiled.   
"And I bet that went against him when Wormtail framed him, too."   
"Oh, it did. I don't like this bit about `three days to live`, though, we'll be cutting it awfully fine."   
"We'll still have a day left, won't we?"   
"No." Remus sighed, and stared up at the moon again. "It takes me a day to recover after full moon. We'll only just get there in time... or, we might not..."   
"Oh."   
"Well, at least we've found your parents, and we know it's a Voldemort curse. Go back to sleep, Harry, we want to cover as much distance as possible tomorrow..." 

/\/\/  
[][][] Sirius' POV

I woke up again. I didn't really see that there was much point, since I always fell asleep after about two minutes. But... that vision had been different, there'd been somebody... only I was too tired to remember...   
_Well well well, you shared a vision with Harry Potter,_ Tkaa said cheerily. _Now _there's _something not many people can say..._   
I didn't answer, couldn't answer. I'd fallen asleep again. 

/\/\/  
A/n; Uh-oh, this ain't good...   
**_REVIEW PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSE!!!!!!_**   
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	9. Kill Or Cure

Part 8 Live Free or Die   
By Admiral Albia 

A/n; Well, I know that this idea's been done before, but the main part isn't Sirius getting freed here.. it's what happens _afterwards_... and I can practically guarantee that _that_ bit's original. As you may have guessed, Sirius has a choice between living free... or dying. But Harry and co. have to make it for him... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except Sirius' pets and the words Cargen and Copin. Happy? Oh yes, and I also own this **** painting... "I'm not letting you into your secret room now!" The words Puffskein and Crup belong to J.K. Rowling too; it's in _Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them_ which was released for Comic Relief. 

Changing;   
[][][] means the POV is changing; probably from Sirius in the first person to third person or vice-versa.   
/\/\/\ means the scene or time is changing... 

Chapter 8; Kill or Cure   
"-don't know _why_ you had to wait for a day, we could've had him cured by now..."   
"Oh, James, stop moaning at me, you _saw_ me trying, I was just too tired to stay on..." Lily flew up to Harry.   
"Don't worry, they're always like this."   
"I noticed. Um, why do you all ride sidesaddle?"   
"Because when we learned to fly the cushioning spells weren't nearly so good," Remus called from his argument with James, "and I'm sure you can imagine what flying with a stick up your groin feels like..." Harry winced. "Exactly."   
"There's Hogwarts!" James called pointing downwards. "Now, let's just hope we're not, ooh, say, a _day_ too late..."   
"I refuse to rise to that one. You know perfectly well that I always feel ill after a transformation..." 

/\/\/\

"Oh, good, you found them!" Dumbledore beamed as the four dashed up to the hospital wing. "Unfortunately, Sirius is in crisis. Not too late to save, but... well, we seem to have an obstruction." They peeped round the door, and gasped.   
Animals were crammed into the room, animals from every walk of life. Several hundred owls were sitting around; Harry could see Hedwig, Pig and Remus' owl, Gyna. Fawkes was sitting on the bed-post, and as they watched Milton flew over to land on a unicorn's back. There were some centaurs, and some merpeople, and a tawny owl with a green envelope clutched in its claws, which Remus informed Harry was Sirius' Boggart. There were some humans in the room, too, but they were crammed into a corner by the multitude of creatures; and in any case, half of them were busy fighting off their own worst nightmares - Ron was practically covered with spiders, which Hermione and Ginny were trying frantically to pick off him. They were sort of succeeding, but the spiders only scuttled up the wall and spun webs in front of Ron's face. Harry had the distinct impression that they knew he was scared and were teasing him. Suddenly, Remus grabbed him and spun him round.   
"Harry, listen. We have to get the animals out of the room. Without Sirius, Tkaa is the leader. Tkaa is the snake. _Do you understand me?_ We have to get the snake out of the room." Harry nodded, and stepped into the crowd of mainly magical beasts.   
"Um, Tkaa?" The snake's head appeared from somewhere around Sirius' chest.   
_Yes?_   
"We have somebody here who might be able to cure him... could you let us get through, please?"   
_Of course._ Tkaa stared at the animals. _Let the humans through, peeps, they might be able to help. _The crowd parted instantaneously, leaving Harry feeling rather embarrassed and Lily and James staring at him in a mixture of horror and fascination.   
"I'll explain later," Remus murmured, before steering them to the front. "What do they have to do?"   
"Perform _finite incantum_ together," Dumbledore said. They stared at him.   
Then Lily said; "That's _all_?"   
"Yes, that is all."   
"OK," James produced his wand. "Tips touching?"   
"Of course."   
"Right. On three, Lily? One. Two. Three -" 

[][][] Sirius' POV

I was dying, and I knew it. Though nobody else was aware of me, I was conscious... I knew, in a very hazy, dream-like way, what was going on. I knew that Milton had just landed on Binary, I knew that Tkaa was talking to somebody. I knew, too, that I'd reached out without knowing it to my friends, my animal friends, and I knew that they were there. I knew, because I felt their sorrow.   
"Right. On three, Lily? One. Two. Three -" A voice. A human voice, not particularly important. But... familiar? It didn't matter. I was sinking down, down into blackness, into the almost welcoming unconsciousness that was death, that was...   
"_Finite incantum!_"   
I opened my eyes. And the room erupted with cheers, with whinnies, with phoenix song, with hoots and with Bria's unmistakeable piercing whistle. She's still a baby; too young to speak to me like the others do. The exhaustion was gone, the room swam into focus for the first time in days. And then I saw exactly who the owner of that seemingly familiar voice was..." 

/\/\/  
[][][] Third Person

"Oh, bugger, he's fainted!"   
"Well, it's not every day you get dragged away from death's door by a couple of people who you've thought dead themselves for years, is it?"   
"Oh really? And what do you know about it, Moony? It could be an extremely common occurrence for all you know!"   
"It isn't." Firenze, the centaur Harry had met in first year, said from behind them.   
"Harry, you're back!" Ron and Hermione had finally caught up with things. "Where were you?"   
"Finding us," James said with a cheery grin. Ron stopped dead.   
"Are you... I mean, I thought you were... is he your dad?" He asked Harry, finally giving in. Harry grinned and nodded.   
"Yes, this is Harry's father," Dumbledore said with a smile from behind James, "And the woman who is currently having a fight with Madam Pomfrey over who has the most experience in waking up a fainted person is his mother. Ah, Lily's won. I think I had better go and explain this to Sirius. Mr Weasley?"   
"Yes?" said Mr Weasley, Bill, Charlie, Fred, George and Ron, all at once. _A/n; Percy isn't there, he's at work. Duh.>_   
"Ah. I meant the twins, actually. My apologies, I will remember to specify next time. Misters Fred and George Weasley?"   
"Yes?"   
"Would you be so kind as to go down to the kitchens - I am sure you know the way - and bring a hot meal up here? Sirius will be starving, he hasn't eaten for two days." 

/\/\/  
A/n; I can hear you all partying out there, don't be mean, invite me in ;-) But this story ain't over yet! I have one more chapter to write, then I'll do two (possibly three) sequels... don't groan out there! Between them, these three or four (probably four, come to think of it) stories will make up one lovely long, rambling tale... and, well, you all want to see Peter's reaction to James and Lily's reappearance, don't you? eg>   
**_REVIEW PLEASE!!! I NEED REVIEWS!_**   
Constructive criticism much appreciated.   
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	10. It's All All Right Again

Part 9 Live Free or Die   
By Admiral Albia 

A/n; Well, I know that this idea's been done before, but the main part isn't Sirius getting freed here.. it's what happens _afterwards_... and I can practically guarantee that _that_ bit's original. As you may have guessed, Sirius has a choice between living free... or dying. But Harry and co. have to make it for him... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except Sirius' pets and the words Cargen and Copin. Happy? Oh yes, and I also own this **** painting... "I'm not letting you into your secret room now!" The words Puffskein and Crup belong to J.K. Rowling too; it's in _Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them_ which was released for Comic Relief. 

Changing;   
[][][] means the POV is changing; probably from Sirius in the first person to third person or vice-versa.   
/\/\/\ means the scene or time is changing... 

Chapter 9; Epilogue   
"I still don't believe you didn't tell me!" Sirius was saying five minutes later.   
"You've said that about twenty times now, Sirius. Try something different..."   
"Uh, Sirius?" Harry shoved his way through the bedside crowd... and saw his godfather properly for the first time since the trial.   
If Sirius had been thin before, it was nothing to what he was now. He might as well have been a skeleton for all the fat that was on his bones, and his face was, if possible, even more sunken than it had been when he escaped Azkaban. He noticed Harry's stare and grinned lopsidedly.   
"I was ill, remember? And I ate even less than usual. What did you want?"   
"I...uh...um, Ron's going insane with all those spiders on him... can you get them off?"   
"Sure." The spiders suddenly detached themselves from Ron and scuttled out of the room, just as Fred and George reappeared , followed by five house-elves, all of whom were carrying food of some description. One of them was Dobby, and as soon as he'd put down the jug he was carrying, he ran over to Harry. 

/\/\/\

"Ah, here come the teachers," Dumbledore said quietly. After much arguing and many, many puppy-dog eyes, Sirius had finally been allowed outside; and he looked far better now than he had at all in the week that Madam Pomfrey had forced him to stay in.   
"The teachers come a week early?" Harry asked in surprise.   
"Yes; to get ready for the new year."   
"Really?" James sounded interested. "Remus, didn't you say Snape was teaching here?"   
"Uh-huh, but... oh!"   
"Where's Sirius?"   
"Over there." The two of them headed off and, seconds later, the three remaining Marauders were in a huddle. Lily groaned.   
"They're plotting _again_... I dunno, I was kind of hoping they'd grown out of it by now... it was _embarassing_ last time..." _A/n; see _Marauders in Hospital>   
"Harry, can we borrow the map and the Cloak for a couple of weeks, please?" Remus called over.   
"Yeah, sure. D'you want them now?"   
"Not right now, no... but thanks!" Harry wandered over to Ron and Hermione.   
"This could be interesting," Ron said with a grin.   
"Very interesting," Hermione agreed.   
"What are they going to do?" Fred asked eagerly from behind Harry.   
"Probably everything they can think of," Lily said gloomily. "I don't know why I bother, really I don't..."   
"Really? What kind of things?" Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at Lily.   
"Well, let's see... they put glue on the perches in the Owlery once, I think... and then there was the... thing... with the chair and the Dungbomb... and, ugh, all those appearance spells... and they turned the Minister for Magic into a blue teddy once, I think... _it's not funny_!" But Fred and George weren't laughing; they were looking at the Marauders with some kind of reverence in their eyes... then, Fred dug into his pocket and produced a Canary Cream; and the twins Weasley headed purposefully over to what was really their adult counterparts... 

/\/\/  
A/n; The end of the story *sniff*. I'll continue it in another story, don't worry. And incidentally, Remus isn't stupid enough to eat the cream... but the other two are... then again, though, Remus has _taught_ Fred and George.   
Part two of this Trilogy/Quartet will most likely be called `The Prankster War`; it'll also be a sort-of sequel to Marauders in Hospital...   
**_REVIEW PLEASE REVIEW PLEASE REVIEW PLEASE REVIIIIEEEEEWWWWW PLEEEEAAASE!!!!_**   
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	11. Prankster War

prankwarintro

RAINDROPS AND ROSEBUDS 

PART 2;   
PRANKSTER WAR 

Keep reading. Don't review this page. 


	12. Declaration Of War (Sunday)

Part 1 Prankster War   
By Admiral Albia 

Disclaimer; I do not own the Marauders, the Weasley twins, or any friends, family and enemies thereof. I do, however, own Bria, Tkaa, Binary, Milton, Aelops and Otto... oh, and the recipe for invisible chalk ;-) 

Chapter One; Declaration of War   
"Custard cream, anyone?" Fred asked the Marauders innocently. Remus shook his head.   
"No thanks, Fred, I hate the things. They do strange things to me..." He watched for a reaction, and wasn't disappointed when Fred reacted; starting to grin until he caught himself.   
"Your loss, Prof- er, Remus? They're lovely. Anyone else?" He offered the plate to Sirius.   
"Ooh, yes please..." Remus noticed that Harry, Ron, Hermione, Bill and Charlie had all gathered round and were aimlessly staring at nothing; but the nothing they were staring at put the Marauders directly in their line of vision. He wondered what the biscuits _did_; Remus had, after all, taught the Weasley twins for a year.   
It was at that exact moment that he found out, since Sirius changed suddenly into a large canary. The spectators roared with laughter.   
"I knew it! I _knew _it!" Remus yelled over the noise.   
"D'you think we should rename him Fluffles?" Harry called out, just as Sirius began to moult.   
"I _heard_ that, Harry Potter!" It was at this moment that the Weasley twins turned into a matching pair of Toby jugs, revealing James standing behind them holding a small box, his wand and with a satisfied grin on his face.   
"Zonko's Amazing Transfiguration Badges," he announced to everyone. "Great things, all you do is to put them on the victim and poke `em... _finite incantum._" Fred and George resumed their human forms.   
"Right. Fred, get the toffees..."   
"Oh, now come on, you have to do these things properly..." Fred and George looked up from the box that Fred had just conjured into his hand.   
"What?"   
"Let's do this properly. A prankster war; one week to prepare, one week to wreak havoc." Fred and George looked at each other.   
"Well... OK," Fred said.   
"Goodo! Harry, we need that Cloak back now, please... I promise I'll give it back afterwards." 

/\/\/\

"Wonder where they've all gone?" Ron asked as he, Harry and Hermione wandered aimlessly around the school two days later.   
"Well, they'll be somewhere private, somewhere they don't think the others know about," Hermione said reasonably. "Incidentally, do Fred and George know who wrote the Marauders' Map yet?"   
"No. Hey, that means the adults can spy on them!"   
"Spy? No, they're too busy," said a gloomy voice from behind them; it was Moaning Myrtle. "And if you're looking for your father, Harry, he's where he always was. In my toilet..." 

/\/\/\

As Harry eased open the door to Myrtle's toilet, a loud and extremely fake falsetto met his ears; "Go away, the toilets are taken!"   
"Yeah, right," somebody muttered from another cubicle.   
"It's OK, it's just us," Harry said hastily. "Can we come in?"   
"Do you mind?" the falsetto shrieked, "This is a _girl's_ toilet!"   
"And you're a girl, are you, Sirius?" someone called out.   
"Well, no. But it's the _principle_ of the thing..." The cubicle doors opened.   
"Hello and welcome to Marauder HQ!" James called in a cheery voice. "Please shut the door, and warn us if you see anyone coming as we are _sadly_ missing one member of our group this day and age... Sirius, what are you _doing_?"   
"You said you wanted a Divination one, didn't you?" Sirius' voice was muffled by the lid of the trunk he was looking in. The words `S. Black` were just visible on the lid.   
"Yeah, but that's your _work_ stuff... oh!"   
"Look, this is the best I can do, OK? I've written my piece, I'll show you once they've gone. Don't want to spoil the surprise, do we?"   
"James, I need that Demiguise hair... thanks..." Remus had cleaned out two of the sinks and was using them as cauldrons. "And... powdered chair leg... sheesh, we're using chair leg in a potion... thanks..."   
"Shall I leave `Wormtail` on the receipts?" Sirius called from his cubicle. Curious, Harry looked in. Sirius was now sitting on the toilet using his trunk - with the lid open and a board over it - as a table, and he was writing something. Harry frowned. Receipts?   
"Nah, leave him out. "   
"OK... it just feels so weird writing `Moony, Padfoot and Prongs` after all this time... damn! I've put Wormtail..."   
"Cross it out, then." Remus seemed to be paying more attention to whatever he was doing in the second sink than to Sirius' writing woes. "Chalk please... thanks. Right, here goes... he reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny bucket, tapped it with his wand until it grew, then reached under the sink and fiddled around; the pipe disconnected. He put the bucket under the plug-hole and pulled out the plug. The dark brownish-white liquid gurgled into the bucket and, looking disgusted, he poured it into the potion that was bubbling merrily in the other sink.   
There was a soft implosion and, when Harry, Ron and Hermione next looked into the sink, they saw nothing.   
"Um, has something gone wrong?"   
"Nope, it's invisible. Flour please, James..." Remus sprinkled some flour over the sink bottom and watched as it settled over a small lump in the middle, which he picked up carefully between finger and thumb.   
"Damn it all, I've put Wormtail _again_..."   
"How d'you spell `fornication`?   
"Is anyone interested?"   
"Well, I am..."   
"Uh, guys... we have a problem here..."   
"What?"   
"We're out of Dungbombs."   
"_WHAT?_"   
"We can't be out of Dungbombs, we're never out of Dungbombs!"   
"Right, how's this; `Hi, I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat...`"   
"C'mon, let's go," Hermione whispered, and she almost dragged the entranced Harry and Ron out of the toilets.   
"Hey! What did you do that for?"   
"I just thought... maybe we should go and find Fred and George..."   
"Hey, yeah!"   
"Great idea!" 

/\/\/\

As it turned out, Fred and George were in the Quidditch changing rooms, brewing all sorts of strange concoctions. The moment Harry, Ron and Hermione entered it became clear that Ton-Tongue Toffees were on today's menu; coloured papers littered the floor and there was a distinct sugary smell in the air.   
"Took you long enough to find us, didn't it?" Fred said as they ducked into the room, "I mean, considering the fact that the changing rooms don't_ usually_ explode..."   
"Found the adults," Ron said, poking a squishy black lump; it gurgled a little then exploded, showering him with small black lumps.   
"Really? What're they doing?"   
"No idea, they're keeping it all under wraps. Said they didn't want to spoil the surprise... what _is_ this stuff?"   
"The core for our fake wands, idiot. Leave it alone, you'll wreck it..."   
"Just out of interest, how do you determine who wins?" Hermione asked.   
"McGonagall, Flitwick and Sprout are judging, `cos they're completely unbiased." 

/\/\/  
A/n; Well, whaddaya know? This war is gonna be big, if they're impressing _Professor McGonagall..._   
**Review, pleeeeease!**   
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	13. Let Battle Comence! (Monday)

Part 2 Prankster War   
By Admiral Albia 

Remember how, at the end of _Live Free or Die_, the Weasley twins gave the Marauders some Canary Creams? Well. You didn't think the Marauders'd just let that go, did you? 

This story is also a sort-of sequel to _Marauders in Hospital_, since so many people asked for one.

Disclaimer; I do not own the Marauders, the Weasley twins, or any friends, family and enemies thereof. I do, however, own Bria, Tkaa, Binary, Milton, Aelops and Otto... oh, and the recipe for invisible chalk ;-) 

Many thanks to Aurora Lynn Rose for letting me use one of her `Messed Up Sorting Hat Songs` =D

Chapter Two; Let Battle Commence!   
It was September 1, and the prankster war was set to begin at the start-of-term feast. Having been shoved away by Fred and George, who claimed to be `too busy to have visitors`, Harry, Ron and Hermione were hanging around Marauder HQ, where things were definitely getting strange.   
"_Confundus!_ What's your name?"   
"Peter Pettigrew..."   
"Aaargh! _Finite incantum! _What's your name?"   
"Sirius Black, _duh_."   
"Phew... Remus, is this _your_ fur lying around?"   
"Do I look furry?"   
"It's werewolf hair... you're shedding!"   
"I am not!"   
"Is there a tune to this song, or is it just a song?"   
"Sirius, are you sure you'll be able to stay in character when you do this?"   
"Hey, I'm an actor. Don't diss my talent..."   
"Fine... but if you start laughing..."   
"Um. Are we going to go and scare Snape to death, or aren't we?"   
"Oh, shit, I almost forgot! Do you three want to come?"   
"Yeah!" 

/\/\/\

For the past week, Snape had remained blissfully unaware that James and Lily Potter were alive; something that was about to change. It was a bit of a squash, with three fully-grown men and three teenagers under the Cloak, but they managed it by the simple process of placing an Engorgement Charm on the Cloak until it was big enough to cover them all... 

/\/\/\

"Why do _I_ always have to do the voices?"   
"Because you're _good_ at voices! Go on!" Sirius sighed, and raised his voice.   
"Severus Snape?" to Harry's surprise, the voice was completely unrecognizable as Sirius'; it was deeper, spooky-sounding and it was strangely easy to associate with the Bloody Baron. Snape jumped.   
"Baron? What are... where are you?"   
"Over here," Sirius said, adding in whisper "you mindless moronic sludgeball." Hermione suppressed a giggle.   
"Over where? Are you invisible?"   
"No, _duh_," Remus muttered.   
"Yes, I am invisible. I have a visitor for you..." They dropped the Cloak.   
"Well, good morning, Snape," James said in an extremely falsely bright voice.   
Snape's face was a picture; Disbelief battling Nausea in the foreground, closely backed by Disgust firing a broadside at Horror.   
"You..." he managed, before his throat apparently seized up. Sirius nodded sympathetically.   
"It took me like that, too. Only I fainted."   
"You're a... a vision, a ghost, you're... you're _dead!_"   
"You know, it's really annoying when people say that, because I'm not. Neither's Lily; she's around somewhere..."   
"He has a pulse," Remus volunteered, "and he's breathing..."   
"_You_ had something to do with this, didn't you?" Snape snarled, glaring at Harry. 

/\/\/\

It was very strange, standing in the Entrance Hall watching the horseless carriages roll up to the castle rather than actually being in them, but at least it meant that Harry, Hermione, Neville (who had stayed at the school since Sirius' trial) and the Weasleys stayed dry.   
It wasn't exactly raining outside; it was worse. Very fine drops of water were cascading down, fine enough to act like fog rather than rain but heavy enough to get everyone wet, and Harry, Ron and Hermione had the pleasure of seeing Malfoy, absolutely soaking wet and with his hair dripping everywhere, slip on a particularly wet piece of grass and fall face down into the mud. 

/\/\/\

"Ahem." Dumbledore got to his feet and the hall fell silent. "Just before we begin the Sorting, I believe I should mention that there is a prankster war about to commence, so if anything strange happens do not be alarmed. Now, let the Sorting begin!" Professor McGonagall carried the Sorting hat in and placed it on the stool. Silence fell, broken only by the Marauders whispering something... then the hat began to sing. _A/n; Many, MANY thanks to Aurora Lynn Rose for letting me use this song and what happens afterwards!>_

> > > > > _Hi, I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat_   
_I know that you don't care_   
_So I'll just sing this stupid song_   
_While you all sit and stare_   
_See, Slytherin was an evil git_   
_Hufflepuff was a sped_   
_Ravenclaw was into smart people shit_   
_But who cares, `cos now they're all dead._   
_Gryffindor, who digged wielding big ruby swords_   
_Made me be the person to choose_   
_Aww, dammit, I forgot the words_   
_I've got to stop drinking that booze..._

Almost everyone stared at the hat in amazement; the Slytherins just continued to glare at it as they had ever since it called their founder `an evil git`. 

> > > > > _So, here I've sat for years and years_   
_Writing song after song_   
_So try me on, have no fears_   
_PS - Professor Snape wears a thong!_

The stares all diverted to Snape, who went bright red and started shaking his head defiantly, muttering something under his breath.   
"What's he saying?" James asked Remus.   
"Uhm... unfair, unfair... no, Poppy, I _don't_... how did the hat _know?_... Sybill, I _don't_..." At which point Lily had such a fit of the giggles she had to duck under the table, joining Parvati and Lavender who were also in near hysterics. Professor McGonagall sighed.   
"The judges would like to know who... ah." She stopped as a small piece of paper suddenly appeared in front of Dumbledore's nose, squealing in a high, nasal voice; `Sign here please! Sign here please! Sign here please!` "The Marauders, I presume?" They nodded, grinning, as Dumbledore signed the parchment, which vanished with a small _pop_. "Now... when I call you name you will sit on the stool and place the hat on your head... Applebee, Abigail!" A small girl stumbled forwards and placed the hat on her head. More interesting than the Sorting, though, was the staff table; Snape's mutterings were growing more and more angry, and he was beginning to go purple...   
"RAVENCLAW!"   
"Boron, Henry!"   
"SLYTHERIN!"   
"Deggins, Michael!"   
"GRYFFINDOR!"   
The Sorting continued, with Snape's ever-louder mutters in the background. Finally, he snapped.   
"Mows, Mick!"   
"I WEAR PLAID BOXERS!" Snape screamed, jumping up suddenly; the whole school - Slytherins included - burst out laughing and he ran, sobbing, out of the hall, while the rip on the Sorting hat's brim opened wide, and it yelled...   
"YEAH, WHATEVER, MR. SPANDEX!" Professor McGonagall walked calmly up to the staff table and began to bang her head on it, while the hat continued to make it's judgement of Mick Mows.   
"THIS KID IS DEAF!" It screamed suddenly, "HE'S JUST GONE DEAF BECAUSE OF ME YELLING IN HIS EAR ALL THE TIME!"   
"What _house, _hat?" Dumbledore asked sternly.   
"Oh... HUFFLEPUFF!" 

/\/\/\

Once the Sorting was over, and Professor McGonagall had found sufficient sanity to clear the hat away, Dumbledore stood up.   
"Was that a Confundus Charm?" he asked the Marauders. They nodded.   
"And a very good one too, I don't doubt. However... tuck in, everyone!" The food appeared. 

/\/\/\

The feast progressed unhampered until the puddings came; then things started happening.   
It began on the Slytherin table; suddenly, around a third of them turned into large canaries; another third began to suffer the effects of a Ton-Tongue Toffee; and the last third (who hadn't eaten either the biscuits or the toffees) panicked. Fred and George high-fived.   
"Fred and George, would you be so kind as to help us with the tongues?" Madam Pomfrey called from the Slytherin table. They got up... and the Marauders moved into action, Remus and Sirius pulling out their wands and pointing them into the box which Remus had put the stuff he'd made in the sink into, then at the chairs which Fred and George had just vacated.. It was hard to see exactly what was going on, but it looked like they were writing something - backwards - on the twins' chairs. It was only at the end that anyone found out what. 

/\/\/\

And what a laugh it got, when Fred and George stood up, and headed towards the door... because on Fred's back was written, in bright pink chalk, the word 

`TWEEDLE-DUM`

And on George's back the words 

`TWEEDLE-EVEN-   
DUMBER`

And the moment anyone noticed, the receipts popped up, squealing `Sign here please! Sign here please!` over and over again. Fred and George chose to ignore them, but by the time the Gryffindors went to bed - an hour later - they were yelling `Sign here you idiot! Sign here you idiot!" So, looking very annoyed, and watched by three triumphant Marauders, the Weasley twins signed. 

/\/\/  
A/n; hope you liked! I'm desperate to get part three out, so don't be surprised if I upload it today =P   
Many, many, MANY thanks to Aurora Lynn Rose for letting me use her `Messed Up Sorting Hat Songs`, and also, to all my readers... REVIEW! PLEASE! *sob* I WEAR PINK UNDIES! Ahem.


	14. Divination (Tuesday)

Part 3 Prankster War   
By Admiral Albia 

Remember how, at the end of _Live Free or Die_, the Weasley twins gave the Marauders some Canary Creams? Well. You didn't think the Marauders'd just let that go, did you? 

This story is also a sort-of sequel to _Marauders in Hospital_, since so many people asked for one.

Disclaimer; I do not own the Marauders, the Weasley twins, or any friends, family and enemies thereof. I do, however, own Bria, Tkaa, Binary, Milton, Aelops and Otto... oh, and the recipe for invisible chalk ;-) Many thanks to my new beta-reader, Caitlin Black =D 

Chapter Three; Divination   
"Why do we have to have _Divination_ as our first lesson of the week?" Ron grumbled as he and Harry walked to the North Tower next morning.   
"Dunno, but it's certainly rotten luck," Harry agreed. "Come on, let's find out how I'm going to die _this_ week..." and he led the way up the ladder perhaps a little more slower than if it were another class. Once inside, he and Ron sat down at the very back of the room, and waited.   
There seemed to be a commotion of some sort going on in Professor Trelawney's office; there was certainly an argument in progress, though the voices were so low and Harry and Ron were so far away that it was impossible to make out what was being said; and in any case, the room was now filling up incredibly fast.   
"Good morning, my dears," Professor Trelawney said in her misty voice once they were all settled, "we shall begin with your homework. What did you see when you crystal-gazed over the holidays?"   
"Myself," Ron muttered. Harry stifled a snigger.   
"Shall I tell you what I saw when I last gazed, my dears?" Professor Trelawney inquired, though the class knew they didn't have much of a choice. Lavender and Parvati nodded eagerly and started to edge forward in their seats.   
"Me dying, _duh_," Harry murmured. There was a snort from somewhere behind him; he looked round, but nobody was there.   
"I saw... I saw..." Professor Trelawney paused dramatically, then, her voice sinking to a whisper, she said, "I saw an ugly old bat in glasses, my dears, staring up at me from the mists! And it was at that second, my dears, that I discovered... I discovered I needed a makeover badly..." The entire class stared at her.   
"Too right," Seamus muttered.   
"And I also discovered something else, my dears..." Harry groaned; here it came... "I discovered that the conjunction of Mars against Venus means I must admit something to you." She paused again. "I must admit, my dears, that I am a batty old witch with as much Seeing power as a frog in a hosepipe..." Parvati gasped; Lavender spoke up.   
"But that's not true, Professor! You're a true Seer, aren't you?"   
"Alas, no, my dear, I merely go through the motions. But now we shall begin advanced palmistry..." 

/\/\/\

"OK, let's see..." Ron bent over Harry's palm. "Hmm, I can definitely tell you one thing... you need to wash your hands." There was a small gasp from behind Harry; both he and Ron looked round this time, but there was still nobody there.   
"You are having problems, my dear." Professor Trelawney had arrived. "Give me your palm, dear..." she took Harry's hand, and Harry noticed something; the last time they'd done palmistry, she'd demonstrated on him; and she hadn't had calluses then. In fact, Professor Trelawney's hands seemed to have changed quite a lot; while the fingers were still rather slender, it now looked as though she actually did physical work for a living... he shook it off, she was inspecting his hand closely. "Your hands are filthy, my dear, you must wash them. However..." she grasped his hand more firmly, then gasped. The whole class turned round.   
"What?" Harry asked, though he knew what she would say.   
"My dear... you have no lifeline, it has dwindled to nothing!"   
"So... I'm going to die?" Harry said, taking a guess and pretending to be completely and utterly shocked at this proclamation.   
"No, no, my dear, far worse... you are _dead_, my dear..." A chortle issued from behind Harry, followed by an `ow!`. 

/\/\/\

"Would you two stay behind for a few minutes, please, dears?" Professor Trelawney asked Harry and Ron at the end of the lesson. They nodded, looked at each other in a quizzical manner, and sat back down.   
The moment the trapdoor had shut, the room erupted with laughter, and in the corner which Harry had had his back to James and Remus suddenly appeared, having dropped the Cloak. Professor Trelawney was bellowing, too; and as they watched, she slipped her `hair` off her head, revealing freshly cut short, black hair; it was Sirius, and he was laughing so hard it didn't look like he'd ever stop.   
"Oh, God, that was good," he said finally, when he'd recovered enough to remove his glasses, "your _faces_ when I said I saw an ugly old bat..." he collapsed with laughter again.   
"I haven't laughed like that in years," Remus said, still grinning. "We'd better sort this out, though. Ah, the judges! Marks?" Professors McGonagall, Flitwick and Sprout had just appeared in the doorway.   
"Three perfect tens," Professor Sprout called.   
"Woohoo! But we'd better wake up the _real_ Sybill Trelawney... it's OK, you two, you can go..." Harry and Ron left the room, beginning to laugh themselves now.   
"Oh my, I never saw such a good actor..." Ron said with a chuckle. "I mean, he said he was an actor, but... wow. Just wow."   
"Have a good Divination lesson, did you?" Hermione asked brightly; she was waiting for them outside the room.   
"Yeah, actually, really brilliant... oh, my _God_... `I must admit that I'm a batty old witch...`" Ron and Harry began to laugh again as they followed a bemused Hermione down the stairs. 

/\/\/  
A/n; Short chapter, I know, I'm sorry =P But this one's been buzzing round my head for days... well, review please! Would you give it a perfect ten? And I repeat, many thanks to my wonderful new beta-reader =)   
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	15. Potions (Wednesday)

Part 4 Prankster War   
By Admiral Albia 

In which the Weasley twins greatly annoy Snape, Harry fights Malfoy, and dear old Draco develops a crush... 

Disclaimer; I do not own the Marauders, the Weasley twins, or any friends, family and enemies thereof. I do, however, own Bria, Tkaa, Binary, Milton, Aelops and Otto... oh, and the recipe for invisible chalk ;-). Mr William Shakespeare owns (owned?) the quotations the Weasley twins use here. Many thanks to my new beta-reader, Caitlin Black =D 

Chapter Four; Potions (Wednesday)   
"How's it doing?"   
"Nearly there..."   
"What're you doing?" Ron asked as he and Harry popped their heads round the changing room door. George raised his eyebrows.   
"No Hermione?"   
"Nah, she's just discovered that Harry's mum shares her love of libraries... what _are_ you doing?"   
"Making... something. Any more, Fred?"   
"Nope, sorry. This seems to be about the lot." Fred put down his quill and sighed. "What did the other lot get? I heard about Divination."   
"Three tens."   
"Damn, we're gonna have to be good..."   
"This is gonna _be_ good." George took the cauldron he'd been stirring off the fire and peered into it. "Please, Lord, don't let me have mucked this up..."   
"...again..." Fred added. George made a face at his twin.   
"I'd like to see you try... hey! I've done it!" The potion was silvery-white, the same colour as Harry's Invisibility Cloak.   
"Weird." Ron stared at the surface, his face reflected in the liquid. "What is it?"   
"Invisibility Potion." That explained it, Harry thought. "Now buzz off, we want to try it..."   
"Aren't you going to tell us what you're planning?" Ron asked, surprised.   
"Nah - it's going to be during one of your classes, we felt like teaching that git Malfoy a lesson while we're at it."   
"Fine. C'mon, Harry, let's go find Hermione." 

/\/\/\

But Hermione - and Lily - weren't in the library; nor were they in the common room, nor were they anywhere else Harry and Ron could think of. In desperation, they tried Marauder HQ, despite the fact that they'd already been sent away twice from there. Lily was in there, having quite an animated conversation with Myrtle to their surprise, but no Hermione. Eventually, Harry and Ron gave up and assumed she'd come to Potions, which was their next lesson; and turn up she did, though without any books or even her wand.   
"Hermione, have you gone mad?" Ron asked, eyeing her bagless shoulders quizzically. She grinned.   
"No, I've just taken a tip from Harry's mum. Look." She reached into her right sleeve, and pulled out her copy of _Magical Drafts and Potions_. "Spelled sleeves," she said happily, correctly reading their stunned faces, "so I can carry anything I need without having to lug a bag around..."   
"Because obviously you're too good to carry things like the rest of us, you filthy little Mudblood," a familiar drawl said behind them; Malfoy had arrived. Harry grabbed the back of Ron's robes instinctively as they both whipped round. Somebody else, however, growled; it wasn't anyone they could see, but that meant very little in the school these days.   
"You know, Malfoy," Hermione said thoughtfully, staring at a space just above his head, "it's a strange thing, but I've been reading the _Prophet_ over the holidays, and from what I can tell most of the people in Azkaban are pure-blood, which means that, overall, we're much nicer than you." She smiled mistily, and Harry suddenly saw what she was looking at; Hermione wasn't just gazing into space, she was looking at Fred and George Weasley, who had slipped up behind the group and were now opening bottles containing their Invisibility Potion; they looked just as angry as Ron. The growl came again, though it sounded a little less angry this time.   
"They're in Azkaban because they're sensible enough to want scum like you cleaned off the face of this planet," Malfoy retorted; then, he nodded at Harry. "Scum like his mother too; that Pettigrew was quite right, in my opinion -" and suddenly it was Ron's turn to grab Harry's robes, and from behind Malfoy the Invisibility Cloak finally dropped, revealing Remus hanging grimly onto both of his friends at once... Malfoy, who hadn't yet discovered about Harry's parents, gawped at the sudden sight of _two_ Potters trying to get close enough to murder him...   
"Is there a problem?" a soft voice asked, despite all evidence. Malfoy turned...   
... and his jaw dropped. James relaxed suddenly, leaving Remus free to use both hands on Sirius. Lily sighed.   
"_Is_ there a problem? Ah, James, there you are. Alyssa's owl just came through, she'll be up here tomorrow."   
"Right," James mumbled. Then he perked up suddenly. "What about the others?"   
"Joyce nearly had a heart attack when I photocalled but said yes, and so did Mark... I said I'd explain tomorrow."   
"Right..." Malfoy was still staring at Lily.   
"What's going on?" A curt voice asked from behind them all - Snape had arrived. "Come on, move in, don't just stand there gawking..."   
"Here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock," a vaguely familiar voice said suddenly from the door as Snape moved to the front of the room; he glared around, but nobody had spoken.   
Ron, however, was grinning as he unpacked his ingredients. When Harry asked him in a whisper what was so funny, he grinned even wider and muttered, "It's Fred." Unfortunately, Snape saw his lips moving.   
"Talking in class, Weasley? Ten points from Gryffindor."   
"There's a stewed phrase indeed!" said a voice which Harry now recognized as George's. Snape glared round once more.   
"Thou hast no speculation in those eyes, which thou dost glare with," Fred's disembodied voice called across the classroom. Hermione giggled, causing Snape to take another five points from Gryffindor and George to repeat his earlier phrase.   
"Everyone settle down!" Snape said angrily, as even the Slytherins began to smile. He began to explain the lesson.   
"...After you have done this, you will tip your powdered beetle eyes into your cauldrons-"   
"Will you credit this base drudge's words, that speaks he knows not what?" George's voice rang out once more. Snape began to go red with anger.   
"I can hardly forbear hurling things at him," Fred agreed.   
"To be so odd and from all fashions cannot be commendable."   
"Were't not for laughing I should pity him." Snape had almost had enough.   
"Be quiet," he ordered   
"I will do nothing at thy bidding," George said from somewhere near Malfoy, "make thy requests to thy friend." Malfoy was suddenly dragged by invisible, but strong, hands to the front of the room. Hermione was grinning once more.   
"What?" Harry and Ron asked her in undertones.   
"They're quotes from Shakespeare... I've never heard them used so well before, not even at my old school..." Hermione began to laugh again. "We used to have this game in English, where you had to insult each other using Shakespearean insults only. But this is the best ever..."   
"Ten points from Gryffindor, Granger," Snape said; he was now angrier than they'd ever seen him.   
"Goodly Lord, what a wit-snapper you are!" Fred cried.   
"SHUT UP!" Snape had now completely lost his cool.   
"That's somewhat madly spoken."   
"Can I endure to hear this arrogance? And from this fellow?"   
"Be quiet, Weasleys," Snape ordered; he seemed to be past anger now, and he had evidently worked out who was insulting him so eloquently. "Or I shall take fifty points from Gryffindor _for each of you_!" As a matter of fact, none of the Gryffindors in the room cared; they were having too much fun.   
"I find the ass in compound with the major part of your syllables," George said merrily.   
"If the others be brain'd like you, the state totters," Fred added.   
"One hundred points from Gryffindor," Snape said softly, eyes glinting.   
"Such a want-wit!" George deplored him.   
"Thou dost talk nothing to me," Fred told Snape, "you whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-eared knave!" The Gryffindors gave up all pretence and began to laugh.   
"Get out," Snape said suddenly, softly, dangerously. "Get out. Both of you. Wherever you are. NOW!"   
"Mend my company, take away thyself."   
"You tread upon my patience," Fred added. "Thy brains are useless, boil'd within thy skull." Footsteps echoed across the floor, and the door opened, revealing the Marauders and Lily, who had been listening intently and who were all chuckling merrily.   
"Hell is empty, and all the devils are here," Lily said with a grin, her wave taking in herself, the Marauders, the space where everyone assumed the Weasley twins were, and most of the classroom.   
"He's more, had I more name for badness," George said; and the door closed, leaving the class in peace. This was not necessarily a good thing, with Snape in his current mood; at least with Fred and George in the room he'd had a channel for all the anger. The class resumed, though it was now too late to begin making anything; they would have to sit and listen to Snape for the rest of the lesson.   
Snape droned on... and on... and... 

BOOM!

A sudden explosion made them all jump (and wake up); then they realised it was, not one big explosion, but hundreds of little ones, all at once; this was confirmed by the sudden smell of Dungbombs and a series of pops, cracks and whistles as Dr Filibuster's Amazing No-Heat, Wet-Start Fireworks went off in all corners of the room. Snape picked up his wand _A/n; He must have one, right?>_ to remove the remains of the Dungbombs and fireworks from the room; it hissed violently and changed into a three-foot-long rubber snake, and just as he found his _real_ wand the bell rang. 

/\/\/\

"Did they go off?" Fred asked eagerly as the Gryffindors piled out of the room, eager to leave Snape to his own fury. The twins were visible once more, wearing identical, evil grins on their faces.   
"Yeah, it was hilarious! How'd you make them go off?"   
"Set spells," James guessed. They nodded.   
"We set the spells to drop the Dungbombs and wet the fireworks," George said, still grinning. "Beat that if you can!"   
"We probably can't," James said despondently. Then he perked up. "But I bet we can beat you at Quidditch!"   
"There's three of you, and two of us," Fred pointed out. James shook his head.   
"I don't mean that. We've contacted our old Gryffindor Quidditch team - so it'd be the old one versus the current one. We contacted your old Keeper, he's coming back... and Dumbledore says tomorrow's OK." Harry and the twins stared at each other.   
"OK," Fred said at last, "But we need to train."   
"Fine by me," said a voice behind them. They turned round, surprised.   
"Oliver! You're back!"   
"`Course I am, I wasn't going to leave you lot standing. Get the team together, and be out on the pitch in half an hour." 

/\/\/  
A/n; Don't flame me, this is the beginning of a Marauder trick =) Hope you liked it, review please! I had to bring Wood back `cause I've had to make up the other team's Seeker, Keeper and third Chaser and I'm all out of names... =P   
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	16. Quidditch (Thursday)

Part 5 Prankster War   
By Admiral Albia 

In which Sirius kills Remus, Malfoy's crush develops and the words `trick Quaffle` appear... 

Disclaimer; I do not own the Marauders, the Weasley twins, or any friends, family and enemies thereof. I do, however, own Bria, Tkaa, Binary, Milton, Aelops and Otto... oh, and the recipe for invisible chalk ;-). Many thanks to my new beta-reader, Caitlin Black =D 

Chapter Five; Quidditch (Thursday)   
"They're good, James. D'you think we'll manage to beat them?"   
"Sure we will!" James fished in the small shopping bag he was carrying and pulled out a Quaffle. "As long as we remember it's a Prankster War..." Realization dawned on Sirius' face.   
"Oh, I see... Snitch too?"   
"Snitch too. Ah, they're coming off. C'mon, peeps, let's get in half an hour's practice before the match..." 

/\/\/\

"Hey, Potter!"   
"Yes?"   
"Yes?"   
"Yes?" Harry grinned. He knew by the voice that it was Malfoy, but it was still nice to have three other people responding... _A/n; the third one's his aunt Alyssa, not Lily. NOT Lily, geddit?_>   
"Oh..." Malfoy stopped, confused. "I... uh... um..." he stopped and stared again as Lily came over.   
"Catching flies?" she asked him sweetly. His mouth banged shut.   
"I... um... good luck, Harry..." The entire younger team stared at him, and Harry noticed with interest that Malfoy had gone bright red.   
"If that's all you wanted to say, you could at least have said it earlier," Lily said grumpily, "I was just steeling myself to mount. Stop staring at me like that!" Malfoy continued to stare. "Good heavens, what _is_ it with you? Even Harry didn't stare this much, and he thought I was dead!"   
"I... um... I mean..." Lily snorted and walked off to where Joyce - a young woman with short brown hair - was holding her broom. "She's beautiful," Malfoy murmured, once her back was turned.   
"What the... hey, do you mind? That's my wife you've got a crush on!"   
"And he sounds just like you, James." Sirius' voice turned flawlessly into his friend's. "Oh, that hair, that beautiful, wonderful hair... and the eyes, those gorgeous green eyes..."   
"...and the way the hair contrasts so perfectly with the eyes," Remus joined in, though without the voice, "and oh! That smile, the smile that makes me want to do anything for her..."   
"...even throw myself off a cliff..."   
"...exactly, and the teeth, those pearly white gnashers that dazzle me to death..."   
"You're embarrassing Lily, guys."   
"No, James, we're embarrassing you. And her voice is so perfect, so utterly perfect, especially when she locks Sirius in a cupboard because I poured half a ton of slugs down her robes -" Sirius winced.   
"Oh-ho! It was _you_, was it?" Lily had heard. "And I always thought it was Sirius, too, you little..." she began to chase James round the pitch.   
"Not so little now," Remus said, leaning on his broomstick which was hovering at just the right height.   
"No." Sirius sniffed. "Saddest day of my life, that was, coming back after summer and finding him past my waist..."   
"I was NEVER that short!" James yelled from the other side of the pitch. However, the imminent argument was broken up by the arrival of Madam Hooch and the Quidditch balls.   
As Sirius walked past Harry, though, he murmured, "He was." 

/\/\/\

"And they're off!" Lee Jordan announced through his enchanted megaphone, "This will be close, folks - both of these teams have only ever lost one game in their entire playing history, one team here will break their record today... and it's James Potter with the Quaffle, but Fred Weasley sends a Bludger at him and he's dropped it... it's picked up by Alicia Spinnet, pass to Katie Bell, pass to Angelina Johnson, she's in the scoring area... she's _out_ of the scoring area? She's in again... she's out again, and the old team are grinning like idiots... what the **** was _that_?"   
"JORDAN!"   
"Sorry, Professor... it looks as if the Quaffle is dragging Angelina out of the scoring area, Lily Potter -"   
"- Evans - "   
"Are you sure, Professor?"   
"What? Oh, Potter, sorry, wasn't thinking..."   
"Lily _Potter_ has the Quaffle, she's darting, she's ducking, she ain't diving for some reason but never mind, she shoots, no she doesn't, _now_ she shoots, she scores! And it seems even the most amazing Keeper ever, Oliver Wood, couldn't see that coming... but he'll be wise to that trick next time, just because they're _aiming_ for that hoop doesn't mean they have to throw into it, Oliver - she passes to James Potter, George Weasley sends a Bludger to follow it up, and _oh, my God!_" From ten feet above the goal hoops, Harry looked down to see what Lee Jordan was panicked about; it became clear immediately. His father was hanging upside down on his broomstick, swaying wildly. The rest of the adult team didn't seem too bothered, though; Joyce Jimmons, the other Chaser for the adults, had taken the Quaffle and was scoring repeatedly without Wood taking the blindest bit of notice. Alyssa, the Seeker, was searching for the Snitch as though nothing was happening, and Sirius and Remus were playing a dangerous kind of `catch` with one of the Bludgers, until Sirius sent it flying into Alicia Spinnet's broomtail, causing her to spin around like a whirlwind in mid-air.   
"Seems like he ducked back to avoid the Bludger and misbalanced," Lee Jordan told the crowd, "he's swaying... he's jumped off the broom... he's doing a somersault... he's back on the broom, the oldies now lead by one hundred and ten points to zero. Come on girls, get that Quaffle down your end... Katie Bell has the Quaffle and I do believe Harry's seen the Snitch!" Harry had; it was just behind Sirius, outlined against his hair like some strangely-coloured star; just seconds before Harry caught it, he pelted off after a Bludger. Then a very strange thing happened.   
The Golden Snitch opened on tiny hinges. A small silver bird popped out, cuckooed twice, jammed a dunce cap on his head and called in a squeaky voice, "Sorry, wrong Snitch! Better luck next time, moron!" before the whole thing - except the dunce cap - vanished. The adults howled with laughter.   
"Well, it looks like even Harry isn't spared the pranks which have been going on this week, folks, and Katie Bell just got dragged out of the scoring area by the Quaffle... is it just me, or are these adults cheating? Well, whatever it is, Alicia Spinnet's going to try her luck... and would you believe it, she's been pulled out too! There's something not quite right here... anyway, Joyce Jimmons with the Quaffle now, ducks a Bludger, ducks the other Bludger, ducks the first Bludger going the other way... she's through, she shoots and scores, comes out of the scoring area, passes to James Potter... is anyone else getting the feeling this is, in a word, UNFAIR?"   
"JORDAN!"   
"Yes, sorry, Professor, Potter out of scoring area, pass to the other Potter, this is confusing since there's four Potters on the pitch, the Bludgers are coming over thick and fast now, a volley between Fred and George, but Sirius Black and Remus Lupin are good at their jobs too, and this move is working... here come the young'uns' Chasers, looks like they're going to gate-crash the move just as... Lily Potter passes to Joyce Jimmons and... _what the hell is that stuff_?" Something silvery was shooting out of the wand of every Slytherin in the stands; as one whooshed past his nose, Harry saw that it was, in fact, silver. His heart jolted horribly; _silver kills werewolves_. And indeed, most of the strands seemed to be heading for Remus... Harry dipped into the huddle of bodies that was the main Quidditch game, just as Joyce Jimmons scored twice more and came tearing back. There was an argument going on in the middle of the group.   
"Remus, I'm not doing it. Understand?"   
"I'll be fine. It's tonight, I'll barely lose any time..."   
"What if it goes wrong, or doesn't work, or something?"   
"Do it."   
"No. There's not enough space and I don't have a Bludger."   
"Clear a space and find a Bludger!"   
"No!"   
"Sirius, I'm asking you nicely!"   
"And I'm telling you nicely that I WON'T!" James sighed.   
"Just do it, Sirius, we've done it before."   
"Yeah, and we didn't have to have a blazing row last time, either!"   
"Listen. Last time it was spur-of-the-moment thinking, I didn't have time to tell anyone and we had the blazing row _afterwards_. That time with Otto it was the same, and anyway all you have to do is to pull out the damn stake. I'm not doing it to one of my friends."   
"You've already done it to me once! _And_ Otto."   
"Oh, _fine_." Sirius reached out and grabbed a Bludger that was heading towards him. "Everyone get out of the way, and don't expect this to be pretty..." he paused. "Are you _sure_ you want me to do this?"   
"Yes!"   
"Have you had your potion?"   
"Yes, and stop putting it off!"   
"Right. On three, OK? One. Two-" Sirius whacked the Bludger straight at Remus; it hit him in the ribs and knocked him off his broom, and he fell... Harry stared as he hit the ground with a horribly final-sounding _splat_. It suddenly seemed as though he was completely alone in the universe. Sirius had just killed Remus... he felt anger rising from somewhere around his stomach, and grabbed the nearest thing, squashing it in his fist...   
...and then he looked down, and realized that what he was squashing was the Golden Snitch. The game was over.   
"Come on," Sirius said from behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Harry shook it off and turned to glare at his godfather.   
"You killed him!"   
"Yes and no. Come down and look." Numbly, Harry landed. Sirius drew him a safe distance away, then pointed. The sun was setting; but more importantly, the full moon was rising. And as it did so, Remus' body began to mutate, the way they'd seen it happen before...   
"But he's dead," Harry whispered. He looked at Sirius. "Isn't he?"   
"He _was_. I didn't kill him with fire, silver or old age, though, so he's back. They're the only three things that can kill - _really_ kill - a werewolf. Undead, see? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and mend his poor broken wolf body... why not go and help beat up the Slytherins?" 

/\/\/  
A/n; I know, I'm sorry, that bit wasn't Humour, but it's necessary for the *series* that I write that in at some point, and when better to do it? Hope you liked the rest of it, please don't flame me about Remus dying. He'll be fine by tomorrow ;-)   
I'm terribly sorry, folks, but I have to go on holiday for three weeks =( I'll continue this when I get back, promise, and the next chapter will be happy all the way =)


	17. Weasleys Strike Back (Friday)

Part 6 Prankster War   
By Admiral Albia 

In which Sirius has a `bad hair day`, Fred and George bewitch some bedsheets and rumours abound... 

Disclaimer; I do not own the Marauders, the Weasley twins, or any friends, family and enemies thereof. I do, however, own Bria, Tkaa, Binary, Milton, Aelops and Otto... oh, and the recipe for invisible chalk ;-). Many thanks to my beta-reader, Caitlin Black =D 

Chapter Six; Weasleys Strike Back (Friday)   
Sirius was quite right; Remus was back the next day, explaining over and over again that dying was usually only temporary for werewolves, and complaining that Hogwarts should teach magical medicine. In truth, all the Marauders were grumpy; as Lily pointed out, they'd been up all night. Sirius in particular seemed to be snapping at anyone who came close, except for Tkaa and Bria, both of whom flatly refused to leave him alone anyway.   
"I just don't get what you did," Harry said to his mother at lunch. "With the balls, I mean. Well, and with Remus."   
"The balls are specially made ones," Lily explained, "the boys developed them to do the things you saw. They're particularly proud of the Quaffle, that took ages to get right. I thought Sirius explained about Remus?"   
"He did, and I think I get that, but why did you need to kill him if you knew it'd only be temporary?" Lily sighed.   
"Can you kill a corpse? We did it to save his life; if that silver had hit its mark, he'd have died, end of story."   
"Oh." 

_A/n; Do you all get this? The silver would have killed him permanently, but falling off his broom just killed him until the moon rose. It helps if you've read _Men At Arms_ by Terry Pratchett.>_   
/\/\/\

"...and _this_ is our new plan?"   
"Yep. We've got to do every single one separately, so hurry up!"   
"OK..." Fred stopped. "How do we do the girls'?"   
"Can we worry about that later?" George sighed. "We only have lunchtime and people are always coming up here to get their books, so hurry up?"   
"Oh, right. Let's go, then." 

/\/\/\

"Uh, Sirius?"   
"Go away." Harry suppressed a sigh.   
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry I yelled at you last night."   
"Sure you did." Sirius ran his hand gently over Bria's back, causing her to let out a sound remarkably like a purr. "And then you'll go off and talk behind my back, and the rumours will fly once more, because someone with my background only has to put one toe out of line and suddenly everyone knows everything about me."   
"Why'd I want to talk about you behind your back?" Harry asked, confused. Sirius smiled bitterly.   
"I had to do that twice before; kill my friends, I mean. Both times, people started talking behind my back, usually about things which they weren't meant to know about me. I have no reason to assume that this time will be any different, do I?" He stood up suddenly, spilling Bria onto the floor. "I'm going out."   
"What did I say?" Harry wondered aloud as the portrait hole closed behind his godfather. 

/\/\/\

Sirius didn't come back until supper, but he looked a lot happier than when he'd left. He refused to tell anyone where he'd gone, however, and they eventually gave up asking; the conversation turned to how to best get revenge on the Slytherins for what they'd tried to do to Remus. It was a fascinating subject, but nothing seemed to be nasty enough; even Lily's suggestion that they drop a magically-contained nuclear bomb into the Slytherin common room was discarded. Ron said that maybe they could stop the house-elves going into the Slytherin common room for a week, and Sirius suggested the entire Forbidden Forest coming into the castle and rampaging the Slytherins, but nothing was decided, except that something had to be done. 

/\/\/\

Harry was glad to slide into bed that night, and not just because it was the weekend tomorrow. Minor pranks had been coming in from all directions, mainly from Fred and George, though the Marauders had somehow found the energy to drop an entire box of fireworks into the fire in the common room. Consequently, everyone had been kept on their toes all day and he was exhausted.   
Unfortunately, nobody else seemed to feel the same way. Sirius had been right in saying that everyone would talk about him; when Harry and Ron got into the dormitory they found Neville, Seamus and Dean, in various states of undress, discussing a certain Mr. Black.   
"His parents were in Azkaban, my mum told me," Seamus said, "They're both Death Eaters."   
"Sirius isn't, though, is he?" Ron pointed out.   
"Yeah, but they only tried him for the stuff after Harry's parents copped it, didn't they?"   
"They _didn't_ cop it," Harry said crossly, "They've been in the school for the past week, hadn't you noticed?"   
"Yeah, whatever. But I reckon that anyone who can just kill a friend like that... well."   
"Despite the fact Remus lived?"   
"He was _aiming_ to kill. And he did, it's just lucky it was the werewolf he got."   
"He didn't want to do it, I heard him say so," Harry said, getting thoroughly annoyed now.   
"You caught the Snitch, though, didn't you, Harry? I mean, were you really paying attention to them?" Harry's mouth dropped open.   
"Let's all go to bed," Ron said hastily. 

/\/\/\

Harry slept well enough, but when he woke up the next morning it was to find that the bedclothes were holding him prisoner. Literally. He could move just enough to stop himself from cramping, but they'd somehow wound themselves so tightly around his body that he couldn't sit up, let alone get out of bed.   
"Ron?" he called softly, "Ron, are you awake?"   
"Wha? `Arry? You OK... yipe!"   
"I'm... trapped in the sheets..."   
"Me too," Ron's voice said, "And I know who's responsible, Fred and George did this to me last year in Egypt. We'll have to wait for them to come and let us out..."   
"Hm? Aargh! What's going on?" Neville's voice sounded suddenly from the other side of the room, "I'm stuck!"   
"We all are, Neville," Ron said with a sigh, "We'll just have to wait until Fred and George come to let us out." They lay there and talked for a while, pausing briefly to explain to Dean and Seamus respectively about the bewitched bedsheets, then suddenly a loud roar echoed through Gryffindor tower. Harry heard the boys in the dormitory below them wake up and start yelling, especially Colin Creevey, whose lungs were as well exercised as always.   
"What was that?" Neville asked, sounding thoroughly alarmed.   
"Sounded like a werewolf," Dean said.   
"Probably is," Ron pointed out. "Werewolves are usually really claustrophobic, so I bet Lupin doesn't like being trapped in his bedsheets..." There was a pause while they all considered this.   
"It could be Sirius, too," Neville said eventually. "I mean, he's a Cargen, right?"   
"Good point." 

/\/\/\

As a matter of fact, it _was_ Remus. He'd just woken up and wasn't too pleased at being trapped in the bed, so he'd surrendered to his wolf instincts and yelled, waking the others up in the process; the Marauders and Lily had been given a spare dormitory in Gryffindor tower since three of them had no homes at present.   
"Zzzwha?"   
"Hm?"   
"Gerroff, Bria... hm?"   
"OK, this is embarrassing," James' voice said.   
"Definitely," Lily agreed.   
"We are trapped in the bedsheets," Sirius said slowly.   
"Yes, that seems to be a decent assumption."   
"We are trapped in the bedsheets. We are trapped in the bedsheets. Hm, I do believe we're trapped in the bedsheets. Now, why the bedsheets? We could be stuck to the toilet or pinned by a cushion in the common room, but _no_. We have to be trapped in the bedsheets. You know, I thought we'd passed the boundary to insanity years ago, when we turned the Minister for Magic into a blue teddy, but it seems I was wrong. We are trapped in the bedsheets."   
"Is there any way of _untrapping_ us?" Lily asked.   
"Not until I find out what you two're finding so embarrassing over there," Sirius said.   
"Nothing," James said a little too quickly, "Nothing at all, so if you'd just tell us how to get... hey! How'd you _do_ that?"   
"Oh, I _see_. I'll just do Remus..."   
"No! Do us, _please_ do us..."   
"You never told me you were going to use copins," Sirius said tolerantly. "It's payback time..."   
"Oh, now that is not fair. Publicly embarrassing us just because you lost your temper..."   
"Really? _I_ think it's fair..." Sirius bent over Remus.   
"You're not _really_ going to, are you?" Remus asked his friend in a whisper. Sirius grinned.   
"Well, yeah. But only one or two... you, Harry, Alyssa..."   
"OK, that is mean... but funny. I'm in. Once I see this."   
"Right. I have to come in."   
"Oh, no. You promised you would never come in..."   
"I need to. I promise, I'll only do what I need to. Marauder's word..."   
"Fine..." Remus relaxed, and felt Sirius enter his mind.   
It was a strange feeling, having a Cargen in control; and more so because only half of Remus wanted Sirius in there. The human part of his mind just kept trying to reject Sirius, but the wolf part was happy to let him stay.   
_Right, let's see._ Sirius' voice said in his mind, _shapeshift, shapeshift... ah! Sorry `bout this, Remus..._ Remus felt his body begin to mutate, but he felt something else, too; the grip the bedsheets had on him loosened, and even as Sirius switched his morphogenic field _A/n; shape-changing `switch`_> back to human and exited his mind, he sat up and looked to see what was so embarrassing for Lily and James.   
It was obvious immediately; they were both in James' bed and Lily was lying on top of James, looking rather pink, though James didn't seem to be the right colour either. The bedsheets had obviously activated at just the wrong moment for both of them. Remus tried not to smirk too obviously.   
"OK, you've seen it, you've laughed, now GET US OUT OF HERE!" James yelled.   
"Sirius, are you _sure_ you want Harry to see this?"   
"You cannot do this to us!"   
"Hmm... good point, actually."   
"Right, so if you're not going to show Harry, how about letting us out?"   
"I'll go get Alyssa..."   
"NO!"   
"I'll tell her to bring her camera..."   
"No, you will not, you will let us out..."   
"I'll get her right now..." 

/\/\/\

When Fred and George worked their way up to the Marauders' dormitory fifteen minutes later, it was to find Alyssa Potter taking photo after photo of her brother and his wife, cackling as she did so.   
"What.. how did you all get out of bed?" Fred asked while George goggled.   
"Simple," Sirius said.   
"Uh-oh," Remus muttered. Sirius glared at him.   
"It _is_ simple. The suspended animation caused by activation of the enchantment on the bedclothes is firm only when the subject of aforementioned enchantment does not, voluntarily or involuntarily, cross the transmorphic border."   
"OK, I think I speak for all of us when I say, `Huh?`" Lily said after a pause.   
James, however, cried "Yes!" transformed briefly into a stag, turned back into a human and rolled Lily off him, threw back the bedclothes and sat up, groping for his glasses.   
"Would someone explain that in English, please?" Lily repeated. Sirius opened his mouth. "Not you." Sirius closed his mouth.   
"The spell's only stable if you stay the same shape. It can't handle transfigurations of any kind," James explained.   
"Oh." 

/\/\/  
A/n; Yes, weird, I know, I'm having problems again =P NOT mental ones. Well, maybe mental ones ;-) Readers of the Enchanted Forest Chronicles may have noticed that I've been reading them recently; there's a bit of Telemain in that last scene. Oh well. Only one more chapter to write... then I get to switch back to normality. What passes for normality, anyway. Many thanks to my beta-reader, Miss Caitlin Black! =D   
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	18. Malfoy

Part 7 Prankster War   
By Admiral Albia 

In which Fred and George publicly embarrass Malfoy, and the Marauders get the glimmerings of an idea... 

Disclaimer; I do not own the Marauders, the Weasley twins, or any friends, family and enemies thereof. I do, however, own Bria, Tkaa, Binary, Milton, Aelops and Otto... oh, and the recipe for invisible chalk ;-). The form James uses was first printed in the_ Beryl the Peril Book 1975_ and is copyrighted to D.C. Thomson and Co., ltd. Many thanks to my beta-reader, Caitlin Black =D 

_I'm terribly sorry it's taken so long, it wasn't so much because Fanfiction.net was down than because I wasn't here ;-( Still, I've got the sequel planned out, and it's gonna be... errrr... well, Malfoy's going with Harry, Ron and Hermione to werewolf school, so hazard a guess ;-) And no, Remus DOESN'T bite them =) Haven't you ever heard of transfer students?_

Chapter Seven; Malfoy's Crush (Saturday/Sunday)   
"Can we come in?"   
"Sure." James opened the door and let Harry, Ron and Hermione step into Myrtle's toilet. "It's not like we're doing anything."   
"Why not?" Ron demanded.   
"We're currently ahead of them by quite a long way, so we're taking a rest," Remus said idly from one of the cubicles. "Incidentally, they checked the Quidditch scores and you _didn't_ win, Harry, it was a draw. We were a hundred and fifty points up when you... er... `caught` the Snitch. The real one, I mean."   
"I know, Madam Hooch told us this morning."   
"You cheated, though," Hermione said, frowning.   
"So? It's a Prankster War. Anyone who thought we were being honest with all that stuff about `no pranks` doesn't know us that well..." James said carelessly.   
"_I _thought you were being..." Sirius began. James shifted position ever so slightly and in doing so managed to kick his friend's shin. "Ow!"   
"What are the twins planning?" Remus asked.   
"Dunno, they won't let us in. Something with Malfoy, I think."   
"Malfoy?" James frowned. "Isn't he the one who's got a crush on Lily?"   
"Yep," Remus confirmed. "Ironically, he absolutely hates Muggle-borns. Oh, and Harry. And he's Snape's little pet. Need I go on?"   
"No. Get out of that cubicle, Moony, I'm gonna throw up..."   
"Not on me you don't!" Myrtle shrieked.   
"Through you, surely," Sirius teased her. The air was suddenly rent with sobs from Myrtle and loud, fake retching from James. 

/\/\/\

"Reckon this'll work, Fred?"   
"Why shouldn't it? He's already _got_ the crush, we're just... enhancing it a bit. Pass the bat teeth, would you?" 

/\/\/\

The trickiest part of the operation was persuading Malfoy's eagle owl to help, but it eventually consented. Once they'd sent it off, Fred turned to George.   
"We'll get top marks for this! The adults'd better have something good in mind..." And, chuckling, the Weasley twins headed back to the common room... 

/\/\/\

"Ten, five, six. Five points. Beat that!"   
"It'll be my pleasure. Blackjack! Twenty-one points, I win again..."   
"I haven't had my go yet."   
"Oh, go on then. If you must."   
"Six, seven, eight. Hah! Twenty-one points too! Game continues, James is out..." James sighed. He always _had_ been useless at this game, even if it was a matter of luck. Leaving the other two to the battle of the blackjacks, he got up and wandered over to where Lily was bonding with Harry. In a rather more literal sense, the two of them were complaining about Petunia.   
"- And then Uncle Vernon said I had to say I'd been going to St Brutus' School for Incurably Criminal Boys, or something, like that, and then -"   
"Vernon? She _married_ that idiot?"   
"Well, I can't see her doing..." Harry made a vague motion with his hands - "without being married, somehow."   
"Can't you? I can. I _have_," Lily added smugly. "We shared a bedroom."   
"Vernon?" James sat down in an empty chair, discovered that Sirius' pet dragon Bria was asleep in it wrapped up in his Invisibility Cloak, stood up, displaced Bria, separated Cloak and dragon and sat down again. "Wasn't he the one I punched?"   
"Yep."   
"Did you _really_?" Harry asked.   
"Yeah. I was originally intending to hex him, but Sirius'd nicked my wand so I punched him instead."   
"What made you want to hex him?"   
"Can't you guess?"   
"Oh."   
"Speaking of which, Harry, there's a few things I wanted to clear up with you." James conjured a large clipboard and a quill into his hand. "Could you fill in the form, please? It's easier than me writing it all out."   
"OK." Harry took the clipboard and read the form. Then he did a double take, and read it again. It said; 

> > > Name;.........................................................   
Address;..................................................................................   
................................................................................................   
Age;......   
Height;................   
Colour of eyes;.....................   
Colour of socks;...................   
Age of socks;......   
Number of teeth;........   
Colour of teeth;.........   
Age of teeth;.......   
Date of birth;................   
Date of pudding;..............   
Number of brothers;..............   
Number of sisters;..............   
Number of elephants;............   
Colour of elephants' socks;.............   
Height of cheek;....................   
Favourite singer;....................................   
Favourite Chaser;..................................   
Favourite dinner;....................................   
Age of neighbour's camel;...................   
Height of Mount Everest;.....................   
Colour of Red Sea;....................   
Name of left foot;.......................   
Colour of left foot;......................   
Size of hat;.................   
Size of cat;.................   
Number of mice;...................   
Colour of vest;...................   
Load of rubbish, Y/N?

Harry checked the `Y` box on the last question and handed the form back. His father beamed at him.   
"Excellent, you have a head on your shoulders!" 

/\/\/\

Tap. Tap. Tap.   
"Yours, Draco," someone by the window said. Malfoy went to let his owl in, puzzled; he hadn't demanded anything from home recently, and it was only a week since his last sweet delivery. Curious, he yanked the letter and small package off his owl's foot so hard it fell over and flew indignantly off to the Owlery. Draco didn't care; he'd opened the package to find a small bottle containing a pinkish liquid. He opened the note, which had presumably been written on his father's bespelled typewriter. 

> > > > _Draco,_   
_ I appreciate that this is short notice, but your mother has been taken with Squib flu._

Draco gasped. Squib flu rendered its victim completely magicless until it passed over. 

> > > > _Since it can take up to three weeks to take effect, you may have it too. I want you to take this potion with EVERY MEAL, understand? All you need to do is to pour a teaspoon of it into your goblet of pumpkin juice and drink normally._   
_ Owl me when you run out._
>>>> 
>>>> _Father_

  
/\/\/\ Of course, Draco didn't know that at that very moment, Fred and George Weasley had re-entered the Gryffindor common room, grinning wickedly... 

/\/\/\

Sunday was the day that the judges would give their final marks, which meant that breakfast was a very wild affair. Hermione found a small plastic beetle in her pumpkin juice thanks to the Marauders, and a real spider somehow worked its way onto Ron's plate, causing him to spill bacon and eggs all over Neville in his panic. He said several very rude words to Fred and George and was threatening to hit them when Professor McGonagall showed up.   
Over at the Slytherin table, Malfoy's `medicine` had turned his pumpkin juice bright red, and made it taste of strawberries for some reason. He drank it as quickly as he could and stifled a huge burp. At the Gryffindor table, one of the Weasleys nudged his twin.   
A glint of red caught Draco's eye as Lily turned her head. In a dream, he got up and started towards the Gryffindor table... 

/\/\/\

"Honestly, you three, didn't you pay _any_ attention in Muggle Studies?"   
"Nope," Sirius said cheerfully.   
"Old Candwiggle was too gullible for us to pay attention," James added.   
"Yeah..." Remus sighed wistfully. "Remember when we told him we'd just been bitten by vampires and he believed us, and we got the rest of the day off?"   
"So _that's_ where you all went!"   
"Oh, come on, Lily, you must have noticed that Snape got more custard on him than usual..."   
"Push off, Malfoy," Ron said as the Slytherin stopped in front of them. Fred and George looked up with interest.   
"What'd happen if a vampire _did_ bite a werewolf, anyway? I mean, would you get a man who became a vampire every full moon, or a vampire who became a wolf at full moon, or a wolf who turned into a bat at full moon, or vice-versa..."   
"I'm not hanging around a vampire haunt just so you can find out, thanks, Sirius. Did you want something, Draco?" But Malfoy wasn't listening; he was staring at Lily with some kind of unashamed reverence.   
"What's _your_ problem?" She asked him irritably. He'd been following her around too much recently for her to be patient.   
"I love you."   
"Wonderful. Buzz off." Malfoy stayed rooted to the spot.   
"Hello?" Lily waved a hand energetically in front of Malfoy's face. "Is anyone at home? Or should I leave a message after the tone?"   
"Huh?"   
"I think it's a Muggle joke..."   
"Oh." Sirius turned his attention back to Lily and Malfoy. He wasn't the only one; the entire school was taking an interest now.   
"Mr Malfoy, didn't anyone ever tell you to follow a doctor's orders to the letter? _Go away_."   
"She always _did_ play hard-to-get," James murmured to the others.   
"Mrs Potter..."   
"Yes?" Malfoy got down on one knee.   
"Will you marry me?" Lily gawped at him, then her eyes narrowed suspiciously. The Great Hall rang with laughter.   
"Have you been taking anything unusual?" Fred and George stopped laughing abruptly.   
"I thought so. What did you two put in his pumpkin juice?" Fred spoke up.   
"Just a Pheromone Enhancer. Nothing that'll cause lasting damage, except to his dignity. It should wear off any second..." Malfoy blinked suddenly and looked down in horror. "...Now. You're meant to have a ring when you propose, Malfoy..." To Harry's interest, Malfoy had actually gone bright red for the first time ever. He jumped to his feet and ran out of the Hall, with everyone's mirth following him; everyone's except Lily, that is.   
"And what about _my_ dignity?"   
"Oh, come on, Lils, it was just a bit of fun."   
"Uh-huh."   
"And anyway, you've been in more embarrassing positions. Remember that time in hospital when our spells dressed you in a bikini and a sombrero?" _A/n; _see _Marauders in Hospital_>   
"Yes, but everyone _else_ looked stupid too..." Remus hit his forehead suddenly.   
"That reminds me. James, I've been looking at the basic theory and I reckon we could do a Master with only three of us."   
"Really? Then what are we waiting for?"   
"You to finish breakfast, possibly? That sausage has been on your fork for almost five minutes now."   
"Bugger breakfast." James stuck the sausage in his mouth, put his fork on his plate and dragged the other two out of the room. The last thing they heard him say was, "We've got a war to win..." 

/\/\/  
For anyone who actually read _Marauders in Hospital_, they're _not_ going to use the Mega-Plan again. It's going to fester a little longer. Nope, this is going to be... bigger. Tune in at some point for chapter 8! OK, so I lied when I said I only had one chapter to write =P. Why can't I finish when I want to? Many thanks to my wonderful beta-reader, Caitlin Black!   
Take two minutes to review my works and give me much-needed moral support. Constructive criticism much appreciated!   
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	19. Peace Treaty (sunday)

Part 8 Prankster War   
By Admiral Albia 

In which we discover `Da Book of Pranksters`, Lily and James have a domestic battle and the winners are announced. 

Disclaimer; I do not own the Marauders, the Weasley twins, or any friends, family and enemies thereof. I do, however, own Bria, Tkaa, Binary, Milton, Aelops and Otto... oh, and the recipe for invisible chalk ;-). The form James uses was first printed in the_ Beryl the Peril Book 1975_ and is copyrighted to D.C. Thomson and Co., ltd. Many thanks to my beta-reader, Caitlin Black =D 

Chapter Eight; Peace Treaty (Sunday)   
"NonononononoAAAAAARRRGH!"   
"I've found a tickly bit!"   
"AAAARRGH! NOOOOOOOOO!"   
"Oooo, can I have a go?"   
"NOOOOOOOOO!"   
"Sure. It's just there, see?"   
"Cool!"   
"AAAAAAARRGH!" It was at this point that Lily poked her head round the door.   
"The feast's ready - what _are_ you doing?"   
"Well, Sirius told us he's not ticklish, so we're proving him wrong."   
"AAAAAAAAARRRRGHeeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeAAAAAAARRRGH! STOPPIT!" Remus stopped tickling his friend and Sirius sat up, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "OK, I admit it, I'm ticklish. Did you want something, Lily?"   
"Yeah. The feast's ready, and according to ancient tradition you, as the unrequited champions, have to go in before the staff or your opponents. To put it simply, Dumbledore's hungry."   
"We're coming. Just as soon as Sirius gets up, we're coming..." Sirius got up.   
"Aren't you going to do anything about those?" Lily asked, eyeing the rumpled Marauders with distaste.   
"Those what?"   
"Those clothes."   
"Nah. I don't know about those two, but my robes are just getting comfortable from where _somebody_ ironed them."   
"They're a mess!"   
"I _like_ them in a mess!" 

/\/\/\

Fifteen minutes later, Sirius and Remus towed the still-bickering Lily and James into the Entrance Hall.   
"Sorry we're late, they're having a domestic battle," Remus apologized.   
"I put them on the floor so I can wear them again!"   
"How am I supposed to know that?"   
"Gods, woman, you've lived with me for nearly seventeen years!"   
"Uh-uh. We've been _married_ for nearly seventeen years. I've _lived_ with you for about three years..." Sirius groaned, and filled his lungs.   
"SHUT UP!" They shut up. "Thank you. Lily can you go in now? It'd somehow wreck the procession if the Bearer of the Book-"   
"-_da_ book -"   
"-Whatever, is having an argument with his wife over the exact placement of clothes in bedrooms. It just... doesn't sound right, somehow."   
"What book?" Fred asked as Lily walked into the Great Hall and James stuck his tongue out at her back. The Marauders stared at him.   
"You don't know about da Book?"   
"De ultimate Book of Knowledge, Pranks and Funny Thingys?"   
"How did you get this far without discovering the Book of the Pranksters?"   
"In the beginning," Remus began reverently, "there was the school. And Satan said, `Let there be pranks!` and He sent down to Hogwarts His prophet, the idiot Tom Fool, and there were pranks. And all was well in the school."   
"...at least until Tom Fool blew up Salazar Slytherin," Sirius added. "In his second year, I believe."   
"Can we go in now?" Snape asked grumpily.   
"And that was why Gryffindor and Slytherin had an argument," James explained. "Slytherin wanted to expel Tom Fool." He picked up a large hardback book - about the size and weight of one volume of the _Encyclopaedia Britannica - _and drew a large whoopee cushion from his pocket, which he inflated with his wand before placing the Book reverently on top of it. Then, slowly, in the most dignified way possible, he began to walk into the Great Hall...   
...and was tripped over by Sirius.   
"Ancient ritual complete," Remus said, grinning, as the whoopee cushion let out all its air under James' head and the Book bounced to the front of the Hall, "let's go." 

/\/\/\

"I know you all want to eat, but this comes first," Dumbledore said. "Go on, then, James. Tell them about the start of the Prankster War." James opened the Book and cleared his throat.   
Mumblemumblemumble.   
"What?" Remus asked. "Speak clearly!"   
"This _is_ clearly."   
"Oh, give it here, I'll do it." Sirius grabbed the Book from his friend and started to read.   
"And in his seventh year there came to the School two boys of mixed parentage, and in the first week Helga Hufflepuff's nose hair developed ringlets, and in the second Samuel Slytherin, the young son of Salazar Slytherin, found a frog in his underpants, and in the third week Tom Fool ventured into the woods to find the boys there before him. And all was not well in the school.   
"And so a contest was arranged, to find the best of the pranksters. And the teachers were pleased, for it meant they would know who had performed what tomfoolery. And to this day the Prankster War remains, and the author is sick of putting `and` at the start of every sentence because that's not how people talk anyway. And then it's signed Tom Fool."   
"Exactly. And who won, Minerva?"   
"Well, it was a near thing," Professor McGonagall admitted. "Once Mr. Malfoy proposed to Lily, we had real problems deciding. But we eventually picked a team, and the winners are..."   
The Slytherin table exploded with a bang, sending dishes and people sky-high. The Ravenclaw table began to spew firecrackers in every direction, while its occupants were suddenly placed in swimming costumes and trunks. The Hufflepuff table became a badger.   
Nothing happened to the Gryffindors, except for a few flying Slytherins. Malfoy, to his everlasting embarrassment, landed almost on top of Lily.   
And in the middle of the room, four symbols were made out of sparks... a circle, a wiggly line, a paw and a sort of curved `V`. The Marauders looked at each other, then pointed their wands. The wiggly line vanished.   
"Oh, all right then," Professor McGonagall said. "You've earned it. You're still the champions. Not that you were going to lose the title in any case. The winners are the Marauders!"   
"And we'd like to take this opportunity to give Harry back his Cloak and our map," James added, throwing them to Harry who caught them one-handed.   
"_Your_ map?" George asked, surprised.   
"Well, we wrote it. Why?"   
"You... wrote... the... Marauders'... map..." Fred laughed suddenly. "No wonder you won!"   
"Thanks! Come on, let's eat." 

/\/\/\

"Well, I hope you're happy now," Lily said grumpily as they sat down.   
"Oh, very." James grinned at his wife. "We haven't got any worse since we were twelve."   
"Depends on how you define `worse`," she muttered. "Oh well. At least you didn't turn any people into animals this time." Behind her, Snape let out a loud squawk and turned into a turkey. Malfoy found himself returned to ferretdom, courtesy of the Weasley twins. A shadow fell across the table.   
"A-hem," said a voice the adults recognized. Sirius looked up.   
"Hi, Emilily. Nice cossie." She scowled at him.   
"Is it aimed at me personally, or my old house in general?"   
"You personally. How's Mike?"   
"You try eating dinner off a badger," a disgruntled voice said from behind Emilily. "Can we sit down?"   
"Sure." They sat down. "Everyone who doesn't know them, this is Emilily Dinglebonk and Michael Wandworth." The chatter at the Gryffindor stopped abruptly, and everyone's heads turned as if on strings.   
"_Who_?" Ron asked.   
"You heard," Emilily told him, smiling. She was about the same height as Sirius; they were all roughly the same height; with long blond hair and blue eyes. Ron rounded on Sirius.   
"You know _the Emilily Dinglebonk?_"   
"Yep. We did our first show together." Sirius' wave took in not only himself and Emilily, but Michael too.   
"He was the third member of our group, who left before we became famous," Michael explained.   
"Through no fault of my own, I might add. Why didn't you come for my trial?"   
"Substitute actors on holiday in mid-season. Don't ask why, I don't know. We've just finished the show."   
"What were you doing?"   
"Anything Goes, it's a Muggle one. Pure fluke we ended up together."   
"Anything Goes, _again_?"   
"Yeah." Michael rubbed a hand through his red hair. "The guy who plays Public Enemy Number Thirteen is really crap, not half as good as you were."   
"_Nobody's_ as good as Sirius at those parts," Emilily said.   
"Aw, shucks. You should've said! I'd've shot him for you..." _A/n; you need to have seen _Anything Goes_ to understand this, OK? It _is_ a real show._> They laughed.   
"What's the big thing with Emilily?" Hermione asked Ron in an undertone. Harry and Dean leaned in to listen.   
"What do you mean, what's the big thing? She's only _the_ best actress in the world! Hundreds of shows, loads of W/WAA's..."   
"...People screaming at me everywhere I go..." Emilily put in.   
"I sure know how _that_ feels," Sirius said wryly.   
"What's a W/WAA?" Harry asked.   
"Wizard/Witch Acting Award," Sirius said. "Personally, I think Emilily buys hers from junk shops." He ducked as she hurled a boiled potato at him; it hit Michael, who retaliated with a pork pie.   
A full-fledged food fight would probably have broken out right then and there, if Dumbledore hadn't got to his feet and told everyone to go to bed. Lily and James grabbed Harry as he made his way out of the hall.   
"Harry - we may not see you in the morning, we're going house-hunting. Once we find a house we like, we could take a while setting up. We'll tell you when we find one, obviously, but you may have to stay with Sirius or Remus over part of Christmas. Do you mind?"   
"No, not at all," Harry said, wondering why he couldn't stay at Hogwarts. He supposed he'd just have to wait and see. 

/\/\/  
A/n; WAAAAAAA! SO SAAAAD! Sorry, I just hate ending stories. This is the end, so it's your last chance to review this story. Go on, you know you want to ;-)   
The next story in the series will be called `The Werewolves' Magic Institute`, so look for that =) It will feature old favourites such as Otto, plus a whole host of new characters!   
If you liked it, please review my drivel! And thanks ever so gloriously much to my wonderful beta-reader, Caitliiiiiin Blaaaaaack!   
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	20. The Werewolves

wmiintro

RAINDROPS AND ROSEBUDS 

PART 3;   
THE WEREWOLVES' MAGIC INSTITUTE 

Keep reading. Don't review this page. 


	21. Home For Christmas

Part 1 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

I admit that this may be going a little over the top, but it makes the plot so much... simpler =) 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 1; Home for Christmas   
Harry Potter was looking forward to the start of the Christmas holidays desperately; he would actually be going home for them for the first time ever, where `home` was taken to mean `place where your family lives and where aforementioned family likes you` rather than `place where you're forced to live`. He was getting owls about once a week from his parents, though a lot of them asked questions more than they gave news. He wasn't sure whether it was his mother or father who was actually writing, but both Hermione and Ron agreed that it was probably Lily. From what news he had been given, their new house currently only held two beds, three chairs and a table, and a cupboard. All the same...   
"Potter! _Will_ you pay attention!" Professor McGonagall's voice yanked him out of daydream world and back to reality. It was the last week of school and he was in Transfiguration. Worse, he was in Transfiguration with the Transfiguration teacher glaring at him.   
"Sorry, Professor." She gave him one final glare and turned back to the blackboard. 

/\/\/\

"First time I've ever seen _anyone_ get a detention for daydreaming," Ron said as they left the classroom afterwards.   
"What's so funny about that?" Harry demanded. "Snape'll kill me, he's been after my blood since he found out Dad was alive..."   
"It happens to everyone, Harry," Hermione consoled him, "Just not as badly. Maybe your body's trying to get fifteen years of holiday daydreams into one week, or something..."   
"I've never seen _you_ daydreaming," Ron said.   
"That's because I force myself not to, then I let it out in History of Magic. Oh, _no..._" Hermione ran after Harry and grabbed him just before he rounded the wrong corner. "It's Herbology next, not Charms. Charms was after Transfiguration _last_ year, Harry..." 

/\/\/\

"Uncleuncleuncle! Open up! Emergency!"   
"Come in, Anna." Remus looked up as his niece hurled herself into the room. "What's happened?"   
"Indus lost control of his morphic field and that bastard Murdock started making fun of him so Paul attacked Murdock then Murdock's friends attacked Paul then everyone else attacked Murdock's friends and Indus says he thinks he's stuck halfway and they're all having a punch-up in the dining hall and you know what Paul's like when he gets angry and I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen to me and Georgina thinks Freda's dead, and..."   
"All right, I get the point. Dining hall, you said? On my way. Wait here." 

/\/\/\

"Could I have your attention please?" Professor McGonagall yelled over the noise of Fred and George's final firecracker of the term. "I said _pay attention_, Mr Weasley, that doesn't involve a Dungbomb to my mind. Put it _away_. Thank you. Now," she paused while Neville's last Canary Cream took effect. When he'd moulted, she carried on, "the Werewolves' Magic Institute and Hogwarts have arranged a transfer scheme for fifth year students. Seven of you will go to the WMI for a term, while seven of their fifth years come here. This isn't specific to Gryffindor, you may end up being the only Gryffindor in the whole seven, but I want each of the fifth years to put their names down. Yes, Longbottom, you too. The seven students will be picked out of a hat on the last day of term. As a matter of fact, I've already put your names down. Potter, a private word if you please." Harry left Ron, who was goggling at their Head of House as if he'd never seen her before, and followed her outside.   
"Ron's going to have a fit if he gets picked," he told her. She shrugged.   
"So will Malfoy, but he's not getting out of it. Now, Harry. I just received an owl from your parents. They're not done sorting out yet, they want you to go to Remus Lupin's for the first week. He'll meet you at the station. Were you expecting this?"   
"Sort of," Harry said. "I mean, they said it might happen." He couldn't help but wonder, though, why they hadn't owled _him_. Some of his confusion must have registered on his face, because Professor McGonagall sighed.   
"Harry, this had to be sent to me because I have to send to the Ministry, who have to tell the closest Auror squad, who have to be alerted in case of _other_ Death Eater activity in the area. It'd be far simpler if You-Know-Who had never existed."   
"If Voldemort had never existed, my parents wouldn't be setting up house right now," Harry pointed out.   
"True. Well, go back to your party. Maybe you can work off some of that daydream." 

/\/\/\

"What. On. Earth. Did. You. Think. You. Were. DOING?"   
"Fighting," Paul offered through his split lip. His uncle groaned.   
"Any particular reason? Look, kids, I know it's nearly Christmas, but Freda's going to be in a coffin until full moon and if this doesn't get sorted out then so am I, which will mean even _more_ complications. Quite simply, what happened?"   
"Indus transformed in the middle of supper. Murdock called him a Newchanger. I punched Murdock. Crapol punched me. I ducked, his punch hit Freda who died. We all attacked Murdock and co., because they were attacking me. Anna decided to be a snitch. You came. The end."   
Remus groaned again, just for the sake of it. He turned to Indus, a tall, lanky boy whose jet-black hair was currently sprouting a couple of wolf ears. Indus sometimes had trouble staying human. "Indus?"   
"Yes... um, sir?" Paul and Anna's friends never knew quite where they stood with Remus.   
"How much wolf were you?"   
"Totally, sir. Then my head changed back, then I got stuck."   
"So you weren't much help to the battle?"   
"I started it..."   
"Get out, Indus. You're innocent." Indus got out, leaving Remus faced with all but two of the Omnibus fifth year, plus one of the seventh year twins; since Freda was currently in the hospital wing, it didn't take a genius to know it was Georgina.   
"So, let me get this straight. Since Freda had just died, Georgina, did you or did you not join in the fight?"   
"Not," the redhead said firmly, "what kind of a monster do you think I am?"   
"Right. Shoo." She shooed. "Mona." The second red-headed girl looked up. "What about you? Freda's your sister too, isn't she?"   
"Yeah, but I was beating the crap out of Gonwich and I didn't realize she'd died. Can I go?"   
"No, stay here."   
"Fine..." 

/\/\/\

"A-hem." The fifth years looked up. It was the last day of the holidays and Professor McGonagall had just come in with the results. "Strangely enough, it's four Gryffindors and three Slytherins. Odd, that. Anyway, the seven are Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley and Neville Longbottom from Gryffindor, then Draco Malfoy. Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle from Slytherin. You'll be getting your booklists some time in the holidays." Silence fell, broken only by a few sniggers coming from Fred and George. 

/\/\/  
A/n; A story will develop, I swear. I'll do a few scenes with good ol' Voldie, too. Many thanks to my kind beta-reader...   
Review please!   
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	22. Moony, Padfoot and Families

Part 2 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which Harry visits Remus and makes some friends... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 2; Moony, Padfoot and Families   
When Harry got off the train at Platform 9 3/4, he was both gratified and relieved to see Remus there waiting for him. There were also two children, both about his own age, with him; a boy and a girl. The boy had a fading black eye and quite a few bruises. Both had brown hair and eyes, and Harry guessed them to be Remus' niece and nephew, Paul and Anna.   
"Harry!" Remus waved. "Are you all right with that trunk? Here, let me help you." He levitated the trunk onto a trolley and set off. "You haven't met my niece and nephew before, have you? This is Paul and that's Anna." The kids looked at Harry shyly, but excitedly because he was_ the_ Harry Potter, and Harry gave them a weak wave. "Kids, this is Harry."   
"Um... hi," Harry said, somewhat flustered by the speed of things. Remus had never struck him as this impatient before.   
"Bye, Harry!" He heard two voices yell, and he turned round to wave goodbye to Ron and Hermione.   
"Bye! Is he always like this?" He added to the twins.   
"No, he's just in a rush," Anna said. "He wants to get out before the crush for the gates starts. Are you coming to the WMI next term?"   
"Yeah. Are you going to Hogwarts?"   
"Nope." Paul sounded more than a little relieved. "Oddly enough, no-one in Omnibus is. Or Lumpit. It's all the Ratatouilles and Hell's Angels..."   
"Huh?"   
"The four houses at the WMI are Omnibus, Lucet, Ratstam and Handenburg," Anna said, "Paul's just being stupid. Like he was when he decided to take on Murdock one-handed with all the Lumpitians watching..." She glared at her brother.   
"He started it! Called Indus a newchanger and a mongrel and God knows what else..."   
"But you didn't need to throttle him, Paul," Remus said over his shoulder. "You could have just settled for a punch."   
"He doesn't _deserve_ to live," Paul muttered. 

/\/\/\

They arrived at Remus' home at the same time as a car pulled up outside the house next door. Harry was greatly surprised to see Neville climb out of it, holding Trevor the toad. _A/n; essential to plot, please don't sue..._> He saw Harry and waved.   
"Hi, Harry!"   
"Um... hi, Neville. What are you doing here?"   
"I live here."   
"Oh. Of course."   
"Where do you two know each other from then?" Paul asked, sounding surprised.   
"School," Neville said.   
"Oh. Duh. You coming to the WMI next term, Neville?"   
"Yeah," Neville said gloomily. Then, in response to a yell from inside the house, he called, "Coming, Gran!" and ran in. 

/\/\/\

"On the subject of what we're doing for the next few days..." Remus said once Harry had been settled in, "Sirius wants some help sorting out, so I said I'd go over there tomorrow."   
"Tomorrow?" Anna frowned. "That's when Mona and Indus come."   
"They're coming in the morning, we could come up later in the day," Paul said.   
"Or, you could not come at all. Harry, do you want to help Sirius sort himself out?" Harry jumped.   
"Oh... yes, please."   
"Then we'll come," Anna said. "Mona'll only want to sneak into your personal stuff, otherwise. She's got a thing about Harry Potter..." Harry groaned.   
"It's not half as bad as you'd think," Paul said reassuringly. "Once she gets used to you being around, she should stop hero-worshipping you. _Should_."   
"It can't be any worse than Dobby, Harry," Remus added, which did little to reassure Harry. 

/\/\/\

_Oi, Sirius._ Tkaa slithered up onto Sirius' shoulder so he could see better. _What'cha doing?_   
"Oh... looking at my family tree. Do you know one of my ancestors was called Fido?"   
_Fido Black? Weird. What did _he_ get convicted for?_   
"No idea. And then my paternal great-aunt _A/n; father's aunt>_ was called Spaniella... _why_ does every single member of my family have a name relating to a dog? Look! Rottweiler Black!"   
_I'd say you got off lightly._   
"Only `cos we're running out of names. And every single one of them graduated from Durmstrang, had an ebony wand, engaged in the Dark Arts, got arrested..."   
_Oooh, a rut. And you've only got two out of four..._   
"Thank God." Sirius picked up his wand - which, according to tradition, was ebony - and sent the family tree neatly into a cupboard. "I'm beginning to get a sneaky suspicion that I know where the phrase `a dog's life` comes from." Tkaa slithered onto the table.   
_So. What are you going to call your kids then?_   
"I'm not going to have any kids. Simplest way out."   
_Oh, come on, you and Emilily... wake up and smell the pheromones!_   
"Tkaa!"   
_I'm serious, Sirius._ _A/n; my apologies. I've been desperate to put that one in for the whole series... now that I have, I promise I never will again. Promise._>   
"You are sick."   
_Face it, you're in love._   
"I am not in love!"   
_This tongue don't lie. You're in love._   
"OK, OK, I'm in love. _Now_ will you shut up?   
_Just wait till I tell Harry..._   
Sirius hurled his ancient copy of _Animagus in Five Years_ at the snake, who dodged it.   
_What's this I hear?_ Binary stuck her head in through the window. _Sirius and Emilily are in love?_   
"Aaargh," Sirius commented calmly.   
_Yep,_ Tkaa said.   
_Cool._ The unicorn's head withdrew. _Hey everyone! Sirius is in love with Emilily! _A cacophony of noise greeted this, such as might be made by nigh on fifty different species of animal laughing. This was largely because it _was_ fifty different species of animal laughing. Sirius went bright red. Binary's head reappeared.   
_She'd be good for you, _the unicorn said. _You need someone of your own species. The closest human friend you've got is Remus, and he lives down in the village._   
"Since when was Remus the same species as me? Me human. Him werewolf. Anyway, he's coming up tomorrow. So're Emilily and Mike. 

/\/\/\

The next day, Harry woke up to find that the sky was clear and there was a note on his pillow from Remus. 

> > > > > > > _Harry -_   
_ Message from Lily; you are NOT to wear any of those `grotty old cast-offs` a moment longer._   
_ In other words, stick your school uniform on. I think she wants to take you clothes shopping at some point._

Harry grinned as he fumbled in his trunk for his uniform. It looked like this was going to be a pretty good holiday. 

/\/\/\

"Morning, Harry," Paul said as Harry sat down at the table with a bowl of Cornflakes in his hand. "Uncle's cleaning out the owls and Anna's gone off somewhere."   
"Right. Um..." It was at this moment that an owl entered through the window and dropped an envelope onto Paul's head. He looked at it. _A/n; the letter, not the owl._>   
"Oh, for crying out loud... he's coming over today, can't he wait? It's from Indus," he added for Harry's benefit. "Oi! Anna! Letter from Indus! Addressed to `the twins`, so hurry up!" The door opened and Anna came in. Like Paul, she was wearing robes; but where Paul's were blue, Anna's were beige with green round the neck and cuffs.   
"Couldn't he wait?" she said crossly. "I'm still trying to fit two camp-beds into our room while allowing us to get to the wardrobe."   
"Lessee... ah, that says a lot." Paul began to read the letter. "Paul, Anna, found this joke in a book somewhere and had to share it. I know I'm coming later but this is just too good. Read and see."   
"Go on then," Anna said.   
"I _am_. Right. Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson went on a camping trip. In the middle of the night Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. `Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see...`   
"Watson replied, `I see millions and millions of stars.` `What does that tell you Watson?` `Well... astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell you?` Holmes was silent for a moment, then spoke...   
`Watson, someone has stolen our tent.`" Harry couldn't help it; he snorted into his breakfast and nearly did `the nose-trick`.   
"Just one thing..." Anna said.   
"Mm?"   
"Who the _hell_ are Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson?"   
"They're famous fictional detectives," Harry said. "Muggle ones."   
"That makes sense," Paul said, "considering Indus is half-blood. Ah well. Live and learn." 

/\/\/  
A/n; Only one more chapter to do before they actually go to the WMI, I'm sorry but this mindless banter conceals some very important plot details. Lily, James, Voldie and mean ol' Wormtail come in soon, plus Sirius' most hated song in the world... and his _favourite_ woman in the world ;-)   
REVIEW, PLEEEEEEASE!   
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Oh yeah...thanks very much to everyone who told me what Goyle's first name is =) Gregory... eeeew!   
REVIEW! PLEASE REVIEW! I PROMISE THIS STORY WILL GET MORE INTERESTING!   
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	23. Voldie, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs

Part 3 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which Sirius gets sorted out and Harry goes HOME! 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Somebody complained about my little three pyramids (/\/\/\). They're there for a reason; they indicate a change of time or place. I'm sorry, but I'm not dropping them. Enjoy the story! =) 

Chapter 3; Voldie, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs   
"M-my lord? I have the information."   
"Are you sure, Wormtail?"   
"Yes, my lord. I checked this against several... sources. They all confirmed it."   
"Excellent. Alert Cerberus and Doxy. I hope they will be more efficient _this_ time." Remembering the last time Cerberus and Doxy Black had attempted to bring their son to heel, Voldemort frowned. "And Wormtail."   
"Yes, my lord?"   
"Remind them that they are not to kill unless it is absolutely necessary, will you? And also that they should not, repeat _not_ send my Mark into the air."   
"Yes, my lord." Wormtail vanished and Voldemort sat back. It would be nice, he reflected, to mix the Blacks' loyalty with Wormtail's intelligence and get a decent servant - though Wormtail's intelligence, he rather suspected, would not be too helpful. Still, he was more intelligent than the Blacks. _Anyone_ was more intelligent than the Blacks. The Dark Lord found himself wondering how such a pair of dunderheads had managed to have a child as clever as Sirius... at least the boy's method of escaping Azkaban had been imaginative, with some chance of success, unlike his parents' `sit still and wait for the wall to fall in`. That said quite a lot... 

/\/\/\

"Paper, junk, junk, James, junk, playscript... oooh, Jiggy McCue playscript, playscript... no, scratch that, junk... magazine, junk." Sirius sighed, cleared the junk away and sat down to read James' letter, which took him all of two minutes since it was basically saying that James had gone to see his old boss, revived his old boss, and got his old job back. Sirius wrote back telling his friend to take smelling salts in, and grabbed the Jiggy McCue playscript. The title read; _The Toilet of Doom_. _A/n; the title of the book belongs to Michael Lawrence, as do the words Sirius is about to read. Don't sue me._> He opened it and ran his eye along Jiggy's opening speech. 

> > Jiggy: Ever had the feeling your life's just been flushed down the toilet? I have. And it wasn't just a feeling. I knew something was wrong the moment I woke up that Sunday morning, but if I'd had any idea _how_ wrong I would have jumped straight out of the window on to my mother's favourite rose bush and ended it there and then...

Grinning, Sirius began to read through the script. He had every right to grin; _The Poltergoose_ had been a big hit, so had _The Killer Underpants_, and now the Three Musketeers were back. So what if he'd been twelve then? There were age-reversal potions... 

/\/\/\

"How much further?" Mona grumbled as the six of them toiled up the hill on the very outskirts of the town.   
"Not far... just up to that ridge." Remus pointed, and would probably have said more except that he was cut off by a groan from Indus, a tall, black-haired, lanky boy who'd just grown a tail. "_Concentrate_, Indus!" Remus moved back to help Indus with his reversing-direction knees and Harry found himself next to Mona, which he wasn't sure if he was too happy about. She was nice enough, and true to Paul's prediction seemed to have calmed down about his presence, but there was something about her that he found disconcerting. He just couldn't put his finger on it...   
"I heard you're coming to the WMI next term," she said. Harry nodded, too out of breath to speak. "I think you'll like it there... as long as you stay away from Murdock. Well, all the Lumpitians, really."   
"Stay away from Lump-Lucet. Got that," Harry panted. "You going... Hogwarts?" he added as they finally cleared the ridge and emerged onto flat ground.   
"No, thank God!"   
"Why don't any of you want to go?" Harry asked, surprised. Mona shrugged.   
"Most humans hate us, and the few that don't generally pretend to. We're best left alone."   
"What about jobs, though? You have to try, don't you?"   
"Not any more. Since it was discovered there's about ten thousand werewolves in Britain alone, with at least another twenty being bitten each year, we've given up on that approach. Most werewolves work for other werewolves now, and buy from werewolf shops... I think they're campaigning to set up a Quidditch team, too." She grinned at him. "The WMI was just the start."   
"Mona!" Paul yelled from below them, "D'you have a painkiller with you? Indus' knees are playing up again!" Mona swore, and ran back down the hill, which was probably just as well - she'd rendered Harry speechless. Now that he'd got his breath back, though, he could look around properly.   
The piece of flat land on the ridge was about the size of a football _A/n; soccer_> pitch, with gently rising slopes on three sides and a steep drop on the fourth; the side Harry had just come up from. There was a small log cabin at the other end, which Harry stared at with mild annoyance. They'd come all the way up here for a _log cabin_? It wasn't too interesting anyway... not half as interesting as the multitude of animals, all of whom were making a tremendous din; if Harry hadn't known better, he'd have said they were laughing.   
_Oh, you got here,_ said a voice by his ankle. Harry jumped, then remembered Tkaa, Sirius' pet snake.   
"Hi," he said, looking down.   
_Yeah, whatever. Pipe down, you lot!_ This last remark was addressed to the animals, who quieted almost immediately.   
"What's going on?" Harry asked, confused, as he picked the snake up.   
_ Emilily came over this morning. _If it was capable for snakes to smirk, Tkaa would have been doing so. He raised his voice slightly. _Sirius has got a crush, Sirius has got a crush..._   
Almost instantly, an answering yell came from the cabin; "I DO NOT have a crush!" The animals began to make a sound that was vaguely like a snigger. Harry realised suddenly that one of them _was_ a snigger; he turned round to see Remus.   
"Can't keep anything quiet, can you, Sirius," he called.   
"For the last time, I DO NOT HAVE A BLOODY CRUSH! Oh, it's you." Sirius had apparently finally given up on whatever he had been doing; the door opened and he stepped out, glaring at the animals in general and Tkaa in particular."Don't listen to the snake, he's just trying to make trouble."   
_Pheromones,_ Tkaa said.   
"Pheromones can be for anything. You can be a snakeskin handbag, so shut up."   
"Inside or outside?" Remus asked his friend as Sirius drew nearer to them.   
"Hm? Oh. Outside. Inside got done this morning. Ah, these must be Paul and Anna..." the twins nodded shyly. "And the others are...?"   
"Indus Halfridge," Indus said from behind Remus, who dragged him out.   
"He's even worse than you were," he commented. "Oh, Indus! I know you're nervous, but... can you keep your ears where they're meant to be, please?" Indus went cross-eyed for a second, and his ears began to crawl back down his head.   
"Mona Weatherby," Mona said, and she stuck out a hand, which Sirius kissed before rounding on Binary and saying crossly,   
"I don't give a damn what Emilily says. Shut up, you... unicorn!" 

/\/\/\

The afternoon passed reasonably well, though Remus found a colony of Mandrakes which had to be uprooted and burnt and Sirius, further up the hill, found that his Gillyweed was taking over the river. It was somewhere between these two incidents that Harry began to feel a familiar sensation in his lower regions.   
"Sirius, where's the toilet?" he asked.   
"In the cabin, door on the right." Harry thanked his godfather and hurtled into the cabin.   
Once his mad dash had paid off and he'd emerged from the bathroom, Harry had time to observe the inside of the cabin properly. His first implications had been that it was a lot like Hagrid's, but he was wrong; it was bigger, with three rooms and more furniture and windows. A bookcase ran all along one side, with gaps for the windows. There were more books on the floor, six big scrapbooks piled on top of each other. Curious, Harry looked closer; the top one bore the legend _Marauders' Journal 2nd Year - Padfoot's Copy_ and was full of wizard photographs, notes written in class and pieces of paper which Harry recognised from recent experience as receipts for tricks. Harry guessed correctly that the rest were for different years, and moved on, nearly tripping over a stool on the floor as he did so.   
The rest of the room was pretty boring, somehow, and were it not for the sheer amount of perches, heat pads and cat-or-dog baskets Harry would have been tempted to swap it for Hagrid's and see if anyone noticed. As he was leaving, however, he saw a basket whose lid said _Junk_ and he couldn't help but lift up the lid and peek in.   
Mostly it seemed to be paperwork; several adverts for Sleekeasy's Hair Potion and free credit at Ollivander's leapt out at him, along with discarded playscripts and... a diary? Harry stared at the book, then, slowly, pulled it out from the papers. It was whole, intact, and very thick; looking at it, he saw that it was for 1976-1986. It was also empty; but Harry had had enough experience with Voldemort's diary to know that what you saw wasn't always what you got. Intrigued, he stuffed it up his jumper and headed back outside. 

/\/\/  
_A/n; my devoted readers *cough*draicana and JillZee*cough* may start to notice plot inconsistencies here. I know about them, don't worry - this story's just evolving a bit too fast, that's all. I'm doing my best, believe me... anyway. On with the story..._>   
/\/\/\

"Nice house," Harry said, impressed.   
"Thanks," his father said with a grin. "Glad you like it, I grew up here... it's the family house."   
"You said you were going house-hunting!"   
"Yeah. That was before Alyssa told me she wasn't using it. Come on, I'll show you to your room." And without another word, James kicked a panel in the wall, revealing a staircase, and began to climb it.   
"Show off," Remus said, before following his friend up. To Harry he added, "He knows this place like the back of his hand. Probably just as well, come to think of it, it's huge."   
"I noticed," Harry muttered, thinking of the outside. It looked like the house was almost as bad as Hogwarts. 

/\/\/\

"Well, here you are," James said, dropping Harry's trunk at the foot of the bed and flipping it open with his wand. "It's a bit high, I know, but then my room was even higher... I used to fly out of it." He grinned reminiscently. "I was seven before my parents realised why sending me to my room didn't work and installed a broom rack downstairs..."   
"Isn't this Sirius' room?" Remus asked.   
"Nah - that's a bit further down the corridor... anyway, Harry. Something I reckon you'll like about this room. James crossed over to the panelled side of the room, the side which the staircase opened into, and drew his wand. "Five up, thirteen across... ah!" He tapped the wall with his wand and a small cavity opened up. "You should be able to hide things there from everyone but me... and possibly Sirius. Reckon you'll be able to get down again?" Harry assured his father that he would, and started to unpack.   
Once he was sure James and Remus had gone, he hid Sirius' diary in the hole in the wall. 

/\/\/  
A/n; Oooh, naughty Harry... very, very naughty Harry... tut, tut, tut...   
Many thanks to Caitlin Black, once more!   
Next chapter they will actually go to the WMI! Shock! Horror!   
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	24. On The Train

Part 4 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which Sirius gets sorted out and Harry goes HOME! 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Note to Naddiecc and anyone else who was wondering; Alyssa is _James'_ sister, but she was fourteen when he `died`. A _little_ too young to look after a baby, don't you think? In other words, she never really got considered. And yes, Naddie, it is a coincidence, isn't it? Hmm... 

Chapter 4; On The Train   
"Are you sure you don't mind, Remus?" James asked for the hundredth time that morning.   
"Why should I mind? I'm already taking my two, two of their friends and Neville Longbottom..." Remus jerked his head towards the car.   
"Neville... Frank's kid?" Remus nodded. "Don't tell Sirius. Whatever you do, do not tell Sirius."   
"I hardly think Sirius is going to bear a grudge just because the boy's father used to bully him."   
"Wanna bet?"   
"No." Remus sighed. "We'd better go, or we'll be late. Bye, James."   
"Bye, Remus, Harry... oh, by the way, Sirius is gonna be in town."   
"Really? Oh, good." 

/\/\/\

"Well, there you are." Remus helped them load their luggage onto the train, then said, "I'll see you up there," and Disapparated.   
"Where's he gone?" Neville asked.   
"He has to get up to the school before us," Anna said. "You know, to find beds, wardrobes, perches in the Owlery..."   
"... to be prepared for whatever Freda and Georgina do," Mona put in. "Anyone for a game of cards?"   
Everyone was except Anna, who went off in search of some other friends. 

/\/\/\

"Look! There he is, there! And there's the short one with the bad haircut and the terrified one and the quiet one... and look, there's that bossy girl! Let's go!"   
"Not here, Doxy, it's too public. We'll wait..." 

/\/\/\

"Hey! Harry!" Harry looked out of the carriage window and waved.   
"Ron! Hermione! Need any help?"   
"Please," said Ron, as between the three of them they got the trunks on board. "Hi, Neville. Who're this lot?"   
"Paul Luphunt, my sister's around somewhere..."   
"Indus Halfridge, only child `cos my folks are scared witless of me... oh, shoot, there go my ears again."   
"He noticed," Mona said, impressed. "He actually noticed! Mona Weatherby, second-to-youngest of seven, currently winning so can we get on with the game?"   
"Of course you're winning, you always win," Indus said in a disgruntled voice. "And once we're done here you'll talk me into playing chess, and you'll win..." Ron laughed. It was at that moment that Harry realised what he found so strange about Mona.   
_She was Ron's exact double!_

/\/\/\

"Checkmate."   
"Knew it." Indus leant back and sighed as the train continued its trek to the WMI. "As soon as you said `let's play chess`, I _knew_ you'd win..."   
"Suit yourself." Mona began to put the pieces back in order. "Anyone else want to play?"   
"Maybe later," Ron said.   
"OK." It was at this moment that Anna came bursting back into the carriage, seemingly more out of propulsion than her own free will, since she was unconscious. Paul got to his feet and stormed over to the compartment door, opening it with rather more care than his sister who had simply gone head first through the glass. Mona drew her wand and followed him out, leaving Indus to wake Anna up. Ron started to get up, but Hermione pulled him back down again.   
"It's not our quarrel," she whispered in his ear.   
"Even if it was Malfoy?" he demanded. Hermione let go.   
"You have a point," she murmured, and got up herself.   
On the way out of the compartment, however, Ron (who was in front) walked straight into a red-headed girl who looked to be about two years older than them.   
"Ow! Watch where you're going, Gary, you twerp!" The girl shoved Ron away from her and blinked. "You're not Gary."   
"Looks like Gary from here," a voice behind her said, and an identical red-headed female face appeared over the first girl's shoulder. "Oh, you're right, it isn't. What happened to Anna?"   
"No idea," Indus said helpfully. "Probably Murdock. Oh yeah, and welcome back to the land of the living, Fred." The first girl grinned.   
"Thanks, Indus. Incidentally, where _are_ Murdock and co.? I want to say hi to Crapol." She reached into her pocket and produced what everyone recognised from sheer experience as one of Dr. Filibuster's Amazing No-Heat, Wet-Start Fireworks. "With a bang." She apparently noticed at that moment that Ron had gone into some form of shock. "Problem, kid? And what is your name, anyway?"   
"Ron Weasley," Ron said dazedly. "Um. What did you say your names were?"   
"Fred and George. Well, Freda and Georgina actually, but what kind of names are those?"   
Of the three, Hermione spoke first, with the eternal words of wisdom; "This is freaky."   
"What's your surname?" Ron asked.   
"Weatherby. Where's Mona, by the way?" A loud bang issued from another compartment.   
"Follow the screams," Indus said, as they started.   
"Let's go," Hermione muttered to Harry and Ron, and they went. 

/\/\/\

Paul and Mona were easy enough to find; they had apparently only just reached their destination. Harry looked inside and, as Ron had predicted, there was Malfoy, albeit Malfoy being held at wand-point by Mona and Paul.   
"Oh look," he said as Harry slid the compartment door open, "Potty, the Weasel and the Mudblood. Should have known you'd all be hugging the werewolves..."   
"What did Anna do to you?" Harry demanded. Malfoy yawned.   
"Contaminated the carriage, just as you all are. Well, except Weasley, but we still don't want him in here, do we, boys?" Crabbe and Goyle shook their heads.   
"I'm pure-blood," Mona said softly.   
"You're a werewolf. You don't count."   
"I'm a pedigree, too. Want my certificate?" Malfoy stared at her, then began to sneer.   
"A pedigree? What's that supposed to mean?"   
"I can trace my family back through twenty generations of witches and wizards and _eighteen_ generations of werewolves."   
"She's as pure as you'll get," one of the twins; Harry still hadn't worked out which was which; said from the doorway. "I should know, I'm her sister."   
"Let me get this straight," Paul said dangerously, "You knocked my sister unconscious and threw her through three sheets of glass, not because she annoyed you, said or did anything to upset you or to violate your rights as a human being, but simply because she's a werewolf?" His voice grew softer and softer, and by the end it was little more than a growl. Malfoy nodded, completely unfazed.   
"That is, in a nutshell, correct. What are you doing?" Everyone stared at Paul as he began to transform, slowly but surely.   
"You hurrrt my sisterrr," he growled, speech slurred by the fact that his muzzle was developing, "_nobody_ hurrrts my sisterrrr while I'm arrrrounrrrRRRRRROWRRRRRR!" Malfoy looked at the young wolf apprehensively, then began to smile.   
"You can't do anything," he said so everyone could hear. "If you do, you're violating the Werewolf Acts, and I quote, Clause 76; `any werewolf who transforms voluntarily by direct application magic or other means is considered in control of their own actions since, when transformation is undertaken this way, the human mind is maintained. Therefore-"   
"Amendment 76A," Mona said, grinning dangerously. "If the werewolf transforms in the aforementioned manner as a result of personal danger or the danger to friends or family, this shall be considered self-defense and shall be stricken from the records. Anyone claiming otherwise shall receive a bite up the backside, and yes those _are_ the exact words of the amendment..." Malfoy gulped.   
"And Anna'll vouch for him," Freda (or possibly Georgina) added. 

/\/\/\

"Pretty good going," Ron said admiringly once Malfoy had fled and they'd retired the their own compartment. "We normally have to hex at least one of them." Paul, who was slowly changing back into a human, looked at them sharply.   
"He's from Hogwarts?" They nodded. "Figures. Most werewolves don't care, surprisingly enough. Any more like him there?"   
"A whole house of them," Hermione said, "Plus a few more. Are you all right?" This last question was directed at Anna, who had finally come round.   
"Yeah, thanks," she said as Paul helped her to sit up. "Or at least, I will be."   
"How did you change back there?" Harry asked; he knew that he would wonder about this for days if he didn't.   
"Direct application magic," Paul said. Seeing that Harry was still confused, he explained, "Magic without a wand. The good thing about transforming that way is that you keep your mind, so you only attack who you _want_ to attack. We learn it in first year, `cos sometimes werewolves change involuntarily out of stress or anger."   
"I can't do it," Indus said mournfully. "I change involuntarily at the flick of a tail, but voluntarily?" he shook his head. "No chance."   
"That's why you're a newchanger, isn't it, Halfridge?" said a scornful voice from the compartment door. Everyone whipped round except Anna, who was already facing that way.   
"Oh, look, poor ickle Luphunt's been hurt," the owner of the voice, a short boy with dark brown hair said in one of those voices which is only ever reserved for doting mothers and idiots like him.   
"Push off, Murdock," Mona said. The boy sneered.   
"What, are you going to make me?"   
"Yes, if you don't leave soon. Fred's looking for Crapol, by the way. Something about him killing her?"   
Behind Murdock, Hermione pointed her wand at the ceiling and murmured "_Argentium._" A thin ribbon of silver shot out of it and hit the ceiling before vanishing. Every werewolf in the room jumped. "Sorry," she said, smiling apologetically, "just checking my wand was working after my cat bit it at Christmas. Don't mind me, carry on."   
"You are a bunch of newchangers, mongrels and Mudbloods," Murdock said loftily, "I tire of your presence. Good-day." And he walked calmly out of the compartment, shutting the door just moments before Mona and Ron lunged after him, snarling furiously.   
"OK, I think I get the mongrel one," Neville said from the window; he hadn't spoken since Ron and Hermione came in but he was still there. "But... newchanger? What does that mean?"   
"Changes at new moon," Indus supplied. "It's sort of a very rude way of calling a person weird. Or... well, there are other meanings, but I consider them beneath me."   
"Unfortunately Murdock is a pure-blood, a pedigree and a fart," Mona added. "And not necessarily in that order."   
"And my father was a werewolf hunter, so can we change the subject please?" Paul asked. 

/\/\/  
Well, next chapter we get _into_ the WMI! Yay! Many thanks to Caitlin Black, without whom I would... uhm... get my chapters up quicker. BUT they wouldn't be as good =)   
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	25. The WMI

Part 5 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which Sirius gets sorted out and Harry goes HOME! 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 5; The WMI   
"Hello and welcome to the Werewolves' Magic Institute! Did you all have a good holiday?"   
"YES!" The assembled masses yelled, except for Freda Weatherby, who yelled `NO!`   
"Oh dear, why not, Freda?"   
"I died in the last week of term, only came round last week."   
"Nasty." The Headmistress smiled at Freda, then turned to the Hogwarts students. "Now, I'm sure you're all aware that joining us for this term are seven students from Hogwarts... let me see now... ah, here we are... Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter -" she had to stop here, because an excited buzzing broke out all over the hall. When it'd died down, she finished, "- And Ronald Weasley. Welcome to our ranks, even if it is only for a term. I am Professor Henthry, and now it's over to our only Hogwarts graduate to sort out where you're all going." She sat down, and Remus stood up.   
"At the risk of sounding stupid, we can't sort you in the normal way because the bowl's gone to sleep, so I did it by basic character attributes. Put it simply, if you're normally a Gryffindor you're in Omnibus, if you're a Slytherin you're in Lucet, Ravenclaws go to... wait a second, you're all Gryffindors and Slytherins. Oh well. Back to the Headmistress." 

/\/\/\

They soon found that life at the WMI wasn't all that different to life at Hogwarts, except for the obvious points that nobody did any work the days directly before and directly after the full moon and the first potion anyone learned to brew was the wolfsbane potion. Then there was more freedom; WMI students could go to the village any weekend, as long as they signed out before they went and signed back in again, which wasn't too hard to do since the signing-out book was right by the door. The other main difference was that there was no uniform; Harry was profoundly grateful that his mother had taken him clothes shopping over Christmas. Hermione's parents had also seen the giggles coming and bought her fresh robes; Ron had already had some, as did Neville.   
They saw very little of Malfoy, but when they did he was complaining loudly about being surrounded by werewolves. Fortunately for Harry, Ron seemed to be over his dislike of lycanthropes, or maybe he was just hiding it; he and Mona were playing chess game after chess game, constantly getting stalemates, while Hermione bonded with Anna, and Harry and Neville became ever closer friends with Indus and Paul.   
They didn't realise it, but someone was watching them, and growing ever more confident. 

/\/\/\

It was in Divination that Harry, Ron and Neville got their first big shock. They had their first lesson in the second week of term, due to the full moon, and were just packing when Paul and Anna - who also took Divination - came in and stared at them.   
"It's Divination this afternoon," Paul said. "Why are you packing?"   
"Er... Divination stuff?" Ron hazarded.   
"Why d'you need Divination stuff? All you need's Quidditch robes and a broom," Anna said, getting hers out.   
"Huh?" Neville said.   
"Divination... Quidditch... don't tell me you actually _learn_ Divination at Hogwarts!"   
"Er... yeah," Harry said.   
"You poor souls. Just trust us, OK? Bring Quidditch robes and a broom to Divination and leave your bags behind." 

So, at two o'clock Harry, Ron and Neville traipsed up to the Divination room and collapsed into desks, waiting for the teacher; who appeared two seconds after the last person was seated, wearing green Quidditch robes and carrying a Nimbus Two Thousand.   
"Hi, kids! Now, just for our Hogwarts guests, here's the deal." Professor Munco dropped his broom and plonked himself down on the desk. "The WMI, by law, has to offer Divination, but it's geneally assumed that it's a complate waste of tine teaching it because only a true Seer can foretell the future and they don't need teaching. Because of this, we offer it as a subject so we don't get closed down, but we spend the lesson playing Quidditch. Everyone to the changing rooms!"   
As they made their way down to the Quidditch pitch, Ron remarked, "It's almost worth getting bitten just to get away from Trelawney." Harry had to agree. 

/\/\/  
A/n; My apologies for the short chapter =( Chapter Six will be longer, I promise! And thanks very much to Caitlin Black, once more. And... review please?   
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	26. Padfoot

Part 6 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which certain Gryffindors are *very* nosy indeed; and a snake and a cat doom their owners... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 6; Padfoot's Diary   
By the end of the first week, Harry had settled in enough to have uncovered both Sirius' old diary (which he'd brought with him) and the Revealer that he'd bought in Diagon Alley. On the Saturday, he got Ron and Hermione alone and showed it to them ; he was wondering whether it'd be safe. He didn't want to end up like Ginny nearly had done.   
"Should be fine," Ron said, looking at the empty pages critically. "I mean, You-Know-Who put his essence in his, that's why it was evil... but Sirius isn't evil, so I don't think he'd try anything. Besides, he can't have been that old in 1976, can he?"   
"Why did you steal it in the first place?" Hermione asked.   
"It was going to be thrown out," Harry said defensively.   
"So maybe it _is_ evil! We don't have a clue what happened to Sirius before your parents `died`, do we?"   
"We do now," Ron said, waving at the diary.   
"There's only one way to find out," Harry said, and rubbed on January 1. Slowly, in large, jerky, cursive handwriting, words began to appear.   
"There!" Ron said with some satisfaction in his voice, "it can't be that bad!"   
"I dunno," Harry and Hermione said at the same time, reading the words.   
"What?" Ron peered over their shoulders at the words, which read; 

> > > > _January 1 - Sunday_
>>>>
>>>>> _New year, new `home`. I don't even know what the name is, it looks like `Poodle`. Tkaa says stop whingeing. Bria's still unhappy because for the first time she's not been allowed to sit up to the table, but I told you about that last week._

"Too bad we don't have last week's entry," Ron said. 

> > > > > _I'm a nine-year old boy who's been in 17 foster-homes, soon to be 18. After the encounter yesterday I'm quite glad to move on, but still..._

"Sad," Ron said impatiently. "Can we move on?" Hiding his annoyance, Harry rubbed on January 2. Nothing appeared except a tiny little video scene.   
"What's that?" Hermione asked, and she would have touched it if Harry hadn't grabbed her hand while he explained about the memories he'd been in before.   
"Shall we all go together, then?" Ron asked. "On three. One - two - threeeeeeeeee...." and they all fell forward into the little video screen. 

/\/\/\

"Hey! That's my house!" Harry said in surprise.   
"And that's Sirius," Hermione added, pointing to where a boy was getting out of a car in front of the house. "Well, I think it is, anyway. It could be your dad, Harry..." at this point a foot-long red creature jumped out of the car and landed on the boy's shoulder.   
"It's Sirius," Harry and Ron said in unison.   
"But that isn't his mum," Ron added as a brown-haired woman got out of the car behind Sirius.   
"How do you know?" Hermione asked. "Harry, do you have any idea who lived in that house before you?"   
"Yeah, my dad. And his parents..."   
"See, Ron? It _could_ be his mum..."   
"It isn't," Harry said. To Ron he added, "Remus told me."   
"Remus told you what?" Hermione asked, looking from Harry to Ron and back again. "What do you two know that I don't?"   
"Sssh, I want to hear this," Ron said as the lady who _wasn't_ Sirius' mother rang the doorbell and Sirius tried to hide behind her.   
"Stop it. It's not like this is all new to you, is it, Sirius?" The lady said.   
"That's the point," Sirius murmured. The door opened.   
"Ah, Mrs. Potter." Sirius brought a folded piece of paper out of his pocket, opened it and stared. "this is Sirius Black, your new charge. And... ah... this is Bria and this is Tkaa..."   
"He's not poisonous," Sirius said quickly, putting the piece of paper away.   
"That's your grandmother, Harry," Hermione murmured as Mrs. Potter smiled. Harry blinked. Hermione was right, but he hadn't thought of it like that, really... he switched his attention back to the scene in front of them.   
"I'm sure he's not. Won't you come in? Kids!" It was at this point that Harry, Ron and Hermione got yanked out of the scene.   
"What the..." Ron began, then looked up and said, "Oh." Harry and Hermione looked up too, and saw Remus standing there.   
"Uh... hi, Remus," Harry said. Remus sighed.   
"I'm not here to tell you off, I'm here to come with you. I'm as interested as the next werewolf in some aspects of it. Not all of them, but some. And I wouldn't go back into 1976 if I were you. From what I've heard, that was when his depression started. And it hasn't finished yet."   
"Sirius is depressed?" Ron asked, sounding surprised.   
"Yep. He won't admit it, of course. And he won't go into therapy. But he _is_ pretty much chronically depressed."   
"And... you want to come with us?" Hermione asked.   
"Basically, yes. First of September, 1978, that's should be the first really interesting one. Not that I'm forcing you or anything."   
"That would have been when you all got Sorted?" Harry guessed.   
"Yep."   
"OK..." Harry turned to September 1, 1978 and rubbed hard. The writing that appeared now was smaller, neater, and more readable than before. Unfortunately, it wasn't too helpful. 

> > > > > _Please not Slytherin, please not Slytherin, anything but Slytherin... ah, who am I kidding? _Of course_ I'll be in Slytherin. It'll be automatic, the thing won't even think about it. Uh-oh, better go._

There was a pause of a few lines, then the writing started again. 

> > > > > _OK, change of plan. I don't care what house I go in... well, maybe I do. But as long as that idiot girl isn't in it, I shouldn't think I'll mind too much..._

There was a little video scene there, so they all touched it... 

/\/\/\

"You take care now, boys... have fun wherever you're going next, Sirius... James, _why_ do you have a Dungbomb in your pocket?" The accused jumped.   
"I like the smell of them."   
"Yeah, compared to you it's Eau de Cologne," Sirius teased. James glared at him.   
"Honestly, I thought we were past this... empty your pockets, both of you. _Now_." With much grumbling, both boys did so, revealing a large assortment of Dungbombs, Filibuster's fireworks and various other things which even Ron hadn't seen before. Remus, however, was expert, and he pointed out each and every one.   
"Other pocket, Sirius."   
"Are you sure, Mrs. Potter?"   
"_Now_." Sirius sighed, and turned out the ther pocket, scattering Owl Treats, frozen rat, dried fruit slices, a box full of hazelnuts and a dormouse onto the pavement. The dormouse took one look at the two owls glaring down at it and ran up his sleeve. Several people on Platform 9 3/4 recoiled at the sight of the rats, and Sirius hastily scooped them up and put them back in his pocket, somehow managing to collect a few Dungbombs and fireworks along the way. Remus sniggered.   
"He's gorranother smellbomb up his trouser," A small girl with black plaits which were rapidly coming out said.   
"_James!_"   
"Alyssa!"   
"S'true," Alyssa said, and retreated behind her mother while James glared daggers at her. Then, just to add to the sibling rivalry, she said, "Bye, Sirius."   
"Bye, Alyssa. I'll see you some time, I promise." James rolled his eyes. 

/\/\/\

After a lot more of this, the boys finally boarded the train and James stole the window seat. "I don't know why you can't see that she's just an anoying little brat, I really can't."   
"Who, Alyssa? She's nice."   
"Why the hell did you make friends with her anyway?" Sirius shrugged.   
"Well, you wouldn't talk to me, you told me not to talk to you, and Alyssa kind of... came and sat down when I was playing with Bria. From there, we just became friends. S'your fault really. If you'd _accepted_ me in the first place..."   
"I know, I know... Did you bring the emergency supplies?"   
"Yep. They're in your trunk, wrapped up in the other thing that you weren't meant to bring."   
"Ah! That'd explain why I thought you had them." James reached up - a long way up, Harry noticed, his father was even shorter than he'd been - and felt around in his trunk until he withdrew something with obvious glee. "This it?"   
"How am I supposed to know? It's invisible."   
"Very true." James felt around on whatever he was holding until his fingers disappeared, then he gently unwrapped it. As Remus had murmured a few moments earlier, it was a wonderful collection of tricks and jokes, neatly wrapped up in the Invisibility Cloak. He turned round to find that Sirius was sitting in his seat, and groaned. Sirius stared out of the window with a `perfectly innocent` expression on his face.   
_Way to go, Sirrikins,_ Tkaa said. Hermione, Remus and Ron all jumped.   
"Hey - I can understand him!" Ron said, puzzled.   
"Probably because we're in Sirius' memory," Remus said thoughtfully. "I mean, _Sirius_ can understand Tkaa, so it makes sense..."   
"Stop calling me Sirrikins!" Sirius said, glaring at the snake.   
_Twinkle, twinkle, little star..._   
"And stop singing that bloody song! Oh, just shut up, Tkaa."   
_How I wonder what you are..._   
"Has he shut up?" James inquired, re-wrapping the package as he spoke.   
"No."   
_Hufflepuff is probable..._   
"Right. That does it." Sirius clamped his hand over the snake's mouth, bring careful to leave his nostrils free. "Sorry, James, you were saying?"   
James opened his mouth, presumably to say whatever he'd been about to say before, when they were interrupted yet again, this time by a boy of average height with brown hair, whose nose was in a book and who walked into both sides of the compartment door before finally going through the gap, at which point he simply sat down on the nearest seat and continued reading. Unfortunately, the nearest seat contained Bria, who shrieked. The boy jumped up, dropped his book, swore, then finally realised that there were other people in the carriage and they were staring at him - in Tkaa's case unblinkingly since snakes don't have eyelids. He blushed.   
"Sorry."   
"You still do that, don't you?" Harry asked Remus as James hid the `emergency supplies` behind his back. "You sat on the cat over the holidays." Remus nodded.   
"That's _you?_" Ron asked, sounding surprised.   
"Yep. My radar hadn't built up yet then, though. Nowadays I can get through the door on the first attempt. Well, usually."   
_It's a human, _Tkaa said - Sirius had absent-mindedly let go of his mouth. _And an animal._ Sirius looked at him.   
"Well, _duh_. Humans _are_ animals."   
"Uhm?" Young Remus said, looking from Sirius to Tkaa and back again.   
"He's a Cargen," James said. "That's why he's got a snake on his shoulder and a dragon on the seat _and_ an owl..."   
"Oh, right." The young Remus looked at Sirius. "Major or minor?"   
"Major. Long story."   
"So you were born..."   
"...in a forest..." James supplied.   
"...under a tree..." Sirius said.   
"...without any medical or magical intervention..."   
"...at dawn," They all said in unison.   
"Yep. That's me."   
"Just my luck," Remus muttered. "What are your names, by the way?"   
Introductions were made and Remus had just picked up his book when a second face appeared in the door, also brown-haired. Remus looked up. "Hi, Cani. Come in, siddown, meet the first years..."   
"Actually, I just came to say you'd better get changed and don't get mad. You know what happens when you get mad..."   
"I know what happens when you get mad, too. OK, I'll get changed. Are you sure you don't want to come in?"   
"Nah, I'm going back up front. Frank Longbottom smiled at me as I left... oh, and one more thing."   
"Yes?"   
"Be. In. GRYFFINDOR! Ahem." The compartment door slid shut.   
"What was all that about?" James asked.   
"That's my sister, Canina. Now, where did I put those robes...?"   
"We can't be that close _already_," James said. "The lunch cart hasn't come..." Remus shrugged.   
"I'm getting changed anyway. If I don't, I'll only start reading again and forget. What have you got behind your back?"   
"What back?" James said innocently. "Oh, you mean _my_ back? Nothing! Why should I have anything behind my back? Sirius, is there any reason for me to have something behind my back?" Sirius shook his head and Remus sighed.   
"Pull one of the other ones, it's got bells on. _A/n; That phrase belongs to Terry Pratchett_> What's _really _behind your back?"   
"Nothing!" Sirius moved behind James and discreetly removed the parcel so his friend could produce his hands for inspection. "See? Not a dicky-bird."   
"Yeah; `cos he's got it now." Remus nodded to Sirius, who put on his own innocent expression. "Come on, let me see everyone's hands at once." Sirius dumped the package on the seat behind him and produced his hands. "Now sit down..." James sat. Sirius looked at the seat with an agonized expression on his face, then shooed Bria out of her seat and sat there.   
"Hah! Gotcha. No, seriously, what have you got?" Sirius sighed, reached down and began to unwrap their package once more.   
"These," he said, pulling out a bag of Dungbombs, "And these," - Filibuster's Fireworks - "And these," - Zonko's Amazing Transfiguration Badges - "And, er, this." He brandished the Cloak until James grabbed it and glared at him.   
"Do you mind? What'd you do if it ripped?"   
"I wouldn't have time to do anything, you'd've killed me. It's OK, Remus, we don't mind if you start hating us now..."   
"Why should I start hating you," Remus asked, staring at the contents of the Cloak, "when I could help you instead? Here... I modified the charms for a Nose-Biting Teacup and now I've got Nose-Biting _Goblets_..." As he spoke, he reached into his robe pocket and produced one; and now it was Sirius and James' turn to stare. 

/\/\/\

By the time they all got into Hogwarts, it looked like the three had become firm friends; Harry, Ron and Hermione weren't too sure because Remus had found out how to fast-forward a video-memory. At the other end of the line the first-years were forming, Harry could see his mother and what looked suspiciously like Peter Pettigrew. He mentioned this to Remus, who shrugged.   
"Well, he's eleven. Voldemort's nothing more than a minor annoyance at this stage. It's when we get to 1982 that he starts to get dangerous, and it's 1987 before Peter does anything... uhm... well, I can't really think of a way to describe it without swearing. I'm sure you get the picture." They all nodded, then followed the line of first-years into the Great Hall. Tkaa had taken up his usual place inside Sirius' hood, and several people behind him were sniggering. He turned round and shushed them, a look of hurt righteousness on his face. Unfortunately, they only giggled harder, until Professor McGonagall turned round and glared at them.   
_Hey,_ Tkaa said suddenly, _You're first._ Sirius glared at the snake. _No, really, you are. Or you should b-mmmmph!_ Once more, Sirius had stuck his hand over Tkaa's mouth.   
"Black, Sirius!"   
_Told you so,_ Tkaa said smugly as Sirius made his way slowly up to the Hat.   
"Well well well," The Hat said, sounding surprised. "A Black! I haven't had one of you in years! Well, Slytherin would be the obvious choice, but... no, you're too brave. And... my my, you _are_ an odd one, aren't you? What hapened to `purity of blood`?"   
`It got left with my parents,` They heard Sirius think, `so why not just sort me?`   
"Ah, you've got the family temper. And... yes, the loyalty, too..."   
`So stick me in Hufflepuff already!`   
"Can't... you're too intelligent. Hmm... I think it'll have to be GRYFFINDOR!" 

/\/\/\

Back in the dormitory, there was a long silence. Then Hermione said, "Why would Slytherin be the obvious choice?"   
"It's a long story," Remus said, "and I think Sirius'd prefer it if you found out from him. Now, where to next?" 

/\/\/\

"So let me get this straight. Winchcombe on, stage left, `there's no money in the kitty`, then Handrin, who's already on, `of course not, we keep it in the piggy`. Right?"   
"Right." Sirius _A/n; the real Sirius. This isn't in the diary. My apologies_> sighed.   
"That is the oldest joke in the book. Well, apart from the one with the chicken crossing the road."   
"It's a start, though," Mike said. "And remember, the rest of the scene should work pretty well. As soon as props finish the rock..."   
"Which rock? Rocky or Harry Potter?"   
"Harry Potter. Rocky's just a rock."   
"I still say we should cut that joke," Sirius said, looking at his script once more. "We'll only get a groan."   
"I agree with him," Emilily said suddenly. "Pete, this just doesn't work."   
"And that's another thing," Sirius added, more to himself than to anyone else, "_Why_ does the stage manager have to be called Peter?"   
_Get over it, Sirrikins,_ Tkaa said crossly. _He's not _the_ Peter..._   
"I know, but... what're you laughing at?" This last comment was addressed to Emilily, who was, indeed, laughing.   
"_Sirrikins!_ Heeheehee...oh, dear... SIRRIKINS!" Emilily collapsed into helpless laughter once more.   
_Breathe,_ her Siamese cat, Felix, ordered. Sirius stared at her.   
"What the... you can _understand_ him?" He motioned to Tkaa. Emilily, who had finally got over her hysterics, nodded.   
"Oh, yes... I'm not a Parselmouth, though. Stop looking at me like that, everyone!"   
"So... you're a Cargen?"   
"Yep." She came over and stood face to face with him; the rest of the cast, who were after all actors and knew Atmosphere when it happened, went to the wings and watched.   
"Why didn't you ever tell me?"   
"Didn't think you'd be interested. Besides, I didn't even know myself until Flitwick saw me talking to Felix in sixth year and guessed."   
"Major or minor?"   
"Minor."   
"Which means your birthday's the first of April..."   
"...at dawn. I thought you _knew_ when my birthday was!"   
"Yes, but not the time. And I never even imagined... Cargens are so rare..."   
"Not really. Apparently there's a minor Cargen born somewhere in the world every day or so, but they don't get registered, or they're not discovered..."   
"_Majors_ are rare. I was only born a major because my parents were on the run..."   
"Exactly. There you go, you see."   
_Sheesh,_ Felix said. _Humans! You talk so much about so little. By the way, Sirrikins -_   
_ Hey! Only _I _have the right to call him Sirrikins!_ Tkaa interjected.   
_Whatever. She's in love with you._   
"Felix!"   
_He's in love with Emilily, too._   
"Tkaa!"   
_Oh, admit it. And propose to her! Go on!_   
_ "Tkaa!"_   
_ OK then, I'll do it. Felix. Will she marry him?_   
_ Yes._   
"Tkaa!"   
"Felix!"   
"Why do I get the feeling my fate's just been sealed by my pet snake?" Sirius sighed.   
"_Your_ fate's been sealed?!?" 

/\/\/  
A/n; Oh dear. Methinks Sirius and Emilily just got henpecked...   
They're a nosy lot, these Gryffindors, aren't they? Speaking as a Ravenclaw myself, of course.   
Review! Please! You have to! They're my life force!


	27. Of Diaries and Henpecking

wmipart7 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which three weddings are planned, Lily acts more strangely than usual and the Gryffindors are as nosy as ever... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 7; Of Diaries and Henpecking   
"Let's try fourth year," Ron suggested once Remus had gone to break up a fight outside the dining hall. Before the others could object, he had turned to 1981, grabbed the Revealer and Revealed yet another video scene.   
"I don't know if we should..." Hermione began, but Ron cut across her.   
"Oh, come on, Hermione, this one looks interesting... they're in the forest..."   
"What?" Hermione gave in; she and Harry joined Ron in touching the tiny panel and once moe they lurched it a different time... a different place... 

/\/\/\

They were in the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts, in the early morning, as were Sirius, James, Remus - currently a human - and Peter. Harry growled involuntarily.   
"May I repeat that this is dangerous?" Remus said, sounding ever-so-slightly pissed off.   
"You're with a Cargen. Nothing's going to to wrong..."   
"Sirius, last time you said that we got detention every night for _two months_."   
"Only `cos Lily followed us! That girl just won't get off our backs, it's not fair... and anyway, it was _James_ who said that last time."   
"It was not! You're just picking on me `cos I'm short..."   
"You're right, we are," Peter put in; he was about a head taller than James. The other two were towering above them.   
"How about if I picked on you because you're _tall_?"   
"Peter's not tall, he's just _taller_. Than, say, you."   
"_Everyone's_ taller than James..."   
"This is sizeist..." It was at this moment that they were interrupted by another person coming through the undergrowth. Everyone froze. Then;   
"Hi, Hagrid," Sirius said brightly.   
"Oh. `s jus' you. You know, yeh really shouldn' bring people wi' you. He's OK -" Hagrid nodded at Remus, "But t'others could be in danger. An' _then_ what'd you do?"   
"Run," The Marauders said in unison.   
"There're some things in here yeh can't outrun, not by a long shot. Not even a wolf can," Hagrid added, looking straight at Remus. "An' yer not even meant to be in here, Sirius. All they said was it's OK for you to come in if yeh tell a member o' staff."   
"I did. You. Just now."   
"Tha's not what I meant and well you know it," Hagrid said. "Ah well, since yer in here, mebbe yeh can help me. I got ter set up some enclosures fer Professor Snigwin."   
"We're going to have Care of Magical Creatures in _here_?" Peter asked, looking round the Forest in some horror.   
"Nah, but it's safer teh keep `em here. C'mon." 

After a short while they stopped in a clearing; and Hagrid gasped.   
"Oh, no..."   
"What's happened?" James asked, peering round his legs; then he saw. "Oh, yuck. That is _gross_." It was Sirius' turn next.   
"Hey, let me see... oh, no!" Sirius ran straight out, and Harry, Ron and Hermione followed him, only to see a dying unicorn.   
"I thought there was only one other case, years ago," Hermione whispered.   
"This _is_ years ago," Ron pointed out. "Remember?"   
"Are you all right?" Sirius asked the unicorn, contrary to all the evidence.   
_No... I am dying... DON'T TOUCH THAT! _Sirius yanked his hand away from the open wound on the creature's side.   
"But... I can help... I can heal it..."   
_You would do better to save your strength,_ The unicorn said crossly, _And find my foal. Female. New-born. She will die also, unless you save her..._   
"But I can save _you_!"   
_No. You will only postpone it. Go... find my child..._ The unicorn's head dropped. It had died.   
"Any idea who... or _what_?" James asked; he had come up behind Sirius at some point in the exchange.   
"No." Tears started in Sirius' eyes. "But I _do_ know one thing. This unicorn had a foal. And I'm going to find it if it's the last thing I do..."   
_Mummy?_   
"Well, that was a quick piece of work," Remus said.   
"Shut up." To the foal Sirius added, "I'm sorry. Your mother's... passed away."   
_Mummy!_ The foal nudged its dead mother with its nose. _Mummy, wake up!_   
"She won't," Sirius said sadly. "She can't." At last the foal looked at him.   
_What do you mean? Is my mummy all right?_   
"I'm afraid not... she's dead."   
_MUMMY! You killed her!_   
"I most certainly did not!"   
_You didn't? Then who did?_   
"I don't know. But I'm going to find out... right after I get you somewhere safe..."   
_Are you going to be my new mummy?_   
"Um... sort of. Do you have a name?"   
_I'm Binary._

/\/\/\

Sirius pulled one hand out from under the baby unicorn and knocked on the door, which opened to reveal a very disgruntled looking woman.   
"Yes? What is it?" She barked. "Oh, it's you. Good God, is that a _unicorn?_"   
"Um, it's a long story, but her mother's dead and I sort of promised her mother I'd take care of her and I don't know what to do and she's hungry..."   
"Come in. Not you lot," the woman added as James, Remus and Peter all attempted to follow Sirius in, "baby unicorns don't need an escort. Go to lessons!"   
"It's Saturday," James said.   
"So go and do your homework!"   
"Don't have any."   
"I thought you had some secret project?"   
"We need Sirius for it, otherwise he'll get behind."   
"Besides which we can't do anything until I get hold of some rat fur," Peter added.   
"Why not go and ask Professor Yumpin for some, then?" And she slammed the door in their faces.   
"That was a bit hasty, wasn't it?" Sirius asked. She scowled.   
"I don't like having _you_ in here, Black, let alone your entire bunch of idiot friends as well. How're its vitals?"   
"Her," Sirius said absently. "Breathing easy, pulse normal, temperature normal as far as I can tell... no outward sign of illness. As far as I can tell, Professor, she's just hungry."   
"Right." The woman's tone of voice changed suddenly from scornful to business-like. "There's milk in that cupboard. Pour some into the saucepan, then chop up some of each of those herbs and put those in. That's it. Do you have any dried apple while we're waiting?"   
"I might have. Bria tends to eat it... ah!"   
"Well, go on then, give it to her... what are you waiting for?"   
"Is she old enough for solids?" The teacher forced Binary's mouth open a little.   
"Looks like it to me. See, she's eating it."   
"So why the milk?"   
"She needs a drink, boy!"   
"Ah."   
"Why did you come here, anyway?" the teacher asked, while they watched the unicorn guzzle the milk.   
"Well, you teach Care of Magical Creatures... and Hagrid said he wouldn't do it."   
"So the fact that I hate you didn't come up?"   
"Vaguely. But that's Peter's excuse for getting out of everything teacher-related, so..."   
"I'm going to tell you something, Black. If this unicorn lives until the end of the school year, I will _personally_ award Gryffindor four hundred house points. That's how sure I am she'll die."   
"Can I have that in writing?" She glared at him. "Pleeease, Professor Snigwin?"   
"Oh, very well." Professor Snigwin grabbed a piece of parchment, write something on it and signed it. "Now get out. And take the bloody foal with you."   
"OK." Sirius picked Binary up gently and had reached the door when he stopped and turned round. "Professor Snigwin?"   
"What?"   
"_You_ don't have any rat fur, do you? Because we're really stuck on that." She glared at him, then sighed and opened a drawer in her desk.   
"Oh, all right. Just don't do anything stupid with it."   
"It's not for me, it's for Peter."   
"For _Pettigrew_? I take it back. Don't do anything at all with it." She threw Sirius a small packet, which he caught.   
"Thanks, Professor. For... well, everything." 

/\/\/\

"So _that's_ how he got Binary!" Ron cried. "I was wondering about that."   
"That teacher must have been so mad when she had to give Gryffindor four hundred points," Hermione giggled.   
"What, in fourth year?" Remus had returned. "Yeah, Snigwin was furious. Lost all her credibility as Head of Slytherin, too. But she was a bit nicer to Sirius after that. Not a lot, but a bit. And we _did_ get the rat fur." He paused. "Wait. Is that necessarily a good thing? By the way, Sirius is getting married."   
"What?" Came three simultaneous voices.   
"Sirius is getting married. To Emilily. From what he says here -" Remus waved a piece of parchment "- he was forced into it, but he doesn't say how. And I think two of Ron's brothers are too. Getting married, I mean."   
"That'd be Bill and Percy," Ron said. "Is it on the same day as Sirius?"   
"No; Sirius' is before. I'm kind of interested in how he's been forced into it, though... I mean, Lily and James are a matchmaking game raged out of control, but we never did that with Sirius..." Remus grinned reminiscently. "We tried. Oh, how we tried... but _no, _Mr. Clever had to get out of every single one by pretending he was going out with the dragon..."   
"What do you mean, my parents are a matchmaking game raged ou of control?" Harry asked.   
"Oh... Sirius and I set them up as a joke. They absolutely hated each other... come to think of it, nobody liked Lily very much... and we'd `matchmade` him with every single other girl in the house... It was kinda funny at first, until we realised they were serious and weren't just turning the tables on us. The we couldn't get rid of her..." Remus made a face, then realised they were all staring at him. "What? You didn't think that pair of complete opposites just fell for each other of their own accord, did you?" 

/\/\/\

"You _are not serious_. How many times have I warned you against this?"   
"It's not my fault I tell you! The snake forced me into it!" Sirius glared at aforementioned snake, who was gorging himself on rat fillets. James sighed.   
"I don't get this. How can a snake force you to get married?"   
"He proposed for me! To the damn' cat! And the cat said yes! For her! I'm telling you, James, we're being so badly henpecked here..."   
"You think you're henpecked _now?_ Just wait until you _are_ married..."   
"We plan to avoid each other," Sirius said delicately.   
_Oh, no you don't, buster, _Tkaa said promptly. _You're gonna have a family whether you like it or not._   
"Correction. We plan to avoid each other _and_ the animals. Insofar as they'll let us."   
"That doesn't work either. You'll just have to learn to parallel-process..."   
"OK."   
"Forget it. You're good enough already."   
"Wha?"   
"See? Now. Don't tell Lily, she'll start making a cake. She's been doing that a lot recently."   
"Mmm... she's put on weight, hasn't she?"   
_Sign of a Potter,_ Tkaa said.   
"Tkaa, that's not nice."   
"Yeah, she has... I don't like to mention it, though. The one time I did she went beserk and told me if I couldn't read the signs it was my own stupid fault."   
_Like I said, sign of a Potter... _Sirius looked sharply at Tkaa.   
"Do you know something I don't, snake?"   
_Nothing you couldn't work out for yourself... If you can't read the signs it's your own stupid fault... _And with that Tkaa went back to his rat fillets. Sirius rolled his eyes.   
"Translation; He _does _know something but he isn't prepared to share it."   
"Great." 

/\/\/  
A/n; Hehe! I like cliffies, don't you? Incidentally, anyone who's prepared to think can work out what's up with Lily. You might not even need Tkaa's riddles... ;-)   
If you've read this far, congratulations! Now review! Go on!   
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	28. Padfoot

wmipart8 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which Sirius gets married, Harry fails to read the signs and something rather awful happens... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 8; Padfoot's Wedding   
"Ready to go, boys?"   
"Yep," James and Harry said simultaneously.   
"No you're not. Your hair's everywhere. Both of you."   
"It's _always_ everywhere," James pointed out.   
"Not today, it isn't going to be."   
"Oh, yes it is."   
"C'mere."   
"No." Sudden inspiration dawned. "Do Harry!"   
"Hey!"   
After about half an hour of this, Lily gave up - she couldn't move as fast as before anyway. "Suit yourselves. Maybe the _next_ one will have normal hair..."   
"Oh, no. We are _not_ havng another one. Not after what happened with him." James jerked his head in Harry's direction.   
"What happened with me?" Harry asked.   
"You got famous."   
"Oh. That."   
"We're going to be late," Lily said.   
"And whose fault is that, Miss I'll-just-comb-your-hair?" 

/\/\/\

"Any sign of James yet?"   
"No." Remus grinned. "At a guess, I'd say Lily's trying to comb their hair."   
"True... how true... _their_ hair?"   
"Harry."   
"Oh... right."   
"Where's Tkaa?" Remus asked, suddenly noticing that Sirius' hood was empty.   
"He has _finally_ left me alone and gone off with the cat. I think they're plotting to stop us plotting to sabotage the wedding..."   
"Right... he hasn't been away from you for ages, had you noticed?"   
"Last time he left me alone I got arrested. He's now decided to stick to me like glue."   
"Ah."   
"His words," Sirius said, "not mine."   
"I don't get this," Remus sighed. "Neither of you wants to get married, and all you've got to do is to get the animals out of the way and call it off. Why don't you?" Sirius shrugged.   
"About a week ago we gave all the animals a Sleeping Draught and talked it over properly. We decided to go for it."   
"Ah. Hey, who's that little green dragon with Bria?"   
"Oh... that's Kaera. One of Emilily's friends' pets. And one of Bria's friends."   
"The human friend being...?"   
"Helen. Our only human bridesmaid."   
"Um... when you say your only _human_ bridesmaid, are you, in actual fact, saying that, for example, _Binary_ is going to be a bridesmaid?"   
"Exactly. Binary, Bria, Kaera, Helen and Milton, for some reason."   
"Milton's male!" Remus paused. "Isn't he?"   
"Yep."   
"Then shouldn't he be a page?"   
"I tried that. He's adamant that he wants to be a bridesmaid." 

/\/\/\

"Do you, Sirius Black, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?"   
"Insofar as I have a choice in this -" Sirius glared at Tkaa, who was back in his hood "- I do." 

/\/\/\

"Oh, look, Cerbie, our little boy's all grown up!"   
"And marrying a _Mudblood_," Cerberus Black said in disgust. "What have they _done_ to him?"   
"It doesn't matter. Lord Voldemort will make everything all right, you'll see..."   
"I just hope you're right, Doxy. I just hope you're right..." 

/\/\/\

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."   
It happened in a matter of seconds. Sirius and Emilily looked straight at each other, paused, then turned to the vicar and said, in perfect unison;   
"You have _got_ to be _kidding_!" The Atmosphere broke; the assembled masses started to laugh. Or whinny, or bark, or sing or indeed hoot. It was really a matter of species preference.   
_That was _not_ necessary, _Tkaa said crossly as they walked out of the chapel. Sirius just smirked, unawae of what was soon to happen... 

/\/\/\

"Here they come! Oh, isn't this _exciting?"_   
"Doxy, it's a kidnap. Please, contain yourself."   
"No, no, not _that_, the _wedding!" _Cerberus sighed.   
"We're here to perform a kidnap, Doxy. Please."   
"Does my hair look all right?"   
"You're invisible. I can't tell. Sssh, here comes one of them!" 

/\/\/\

"- and the next thing we knew he had this great big tongue and he couldn't breathe and then Aunt Petunia started trying to pull his tongue out of his mouth, and... Hermione, are you OK?"   
"No," Hermione said vaguely. "I mean yes. Has anyone seen Neville? I saw him coming out of the chapel and then he sort of... vanished, and I haven't seen him since." 

_It is at this point that the author is forced to interrupt and explain that Hermione, Ron, Mona, Indus and Neville were all at the wedding. For some reason. They seem to drift a bit. Oh well. Paul and Anna are also there, though they have an alibi. Remus brought them._>

"Probably lost his toad again," Ron said.   
"He didn't bring Trevor with him. He's just... gone!"   
"Don't be silly, Hermione... people can't just vanish..."   
"Neville did," Hermione insisted. "I told you, I was there, I saw him." She rounded on Mona and Anna, who had just come up. "Have _you_ seen Neville?"   
"Not recently, no. Has anyone seen Paul?"   
"Yeah, he's..." Ron stopped, puzzled. "He was here a minute ago..."   
"He just disappeared," said Harry, who had kept out of the conversation so far. "Just like... hey! Where'd Mona go?" Everyone turned to stare at the spot where Mona had last been seen, and as they did so a rough hand clamped over Harry's mouth, and the next thing he knew he was in a bag and a voice was saying "Got `em. Come on, Doxy, let's go..." 

/\/\/  
A/n; CLIFFIE!!! *giggles* I like cliffies! They're fun! For anyone who's wondering, though, Cerberus and Doxy are under a silencing spell. They're not quite *that* stupid...   
Next time things heat up! Get reviewing! I LIVE on `em! And you don't want me to die, do you?   
(don't answer that question)   
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	29. Kidnap!

wmipart9 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which everything goes horribly wrong... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 9; Kidnap!   
Naturally, the adults had to be told. Just as naturally, nobody wanted to do it. Eventually, Anna screwed up her courage and went to tell Remus.   
"Uncle..."   
"Mm? I do believe Sirius just kissed Emilily... oh, sorry, carry on, Anna."   
"Paul just... vanished. Literally. So did Mona. And Neville. And Harry."   
"Define `vanished`."   
"Disappeared. Dissolved. Disapparated. One minute there, the next minute gone. Vamoosed!"   
"All of them?"   
"Yeah."   
"Did you see any of them go?"   
"Mona. Sort of. I mean, she was standing right next to me and then she went. Why, Uncle, what..." Remus cut across her.   
"Did you smell anything? Other than everyone else, I mean."   
"Um. Sort of... rotten. A bit like that Hogwarts idiot... Malfoy."   
"Rotten and sweet, or rotten and sour?"   
"Sour." Remus swore.   
"Get everyone away from the area. I'll go and find James, and we'll do an organised search. Whatever you do, don't tell anyone." 

/\/\/\

"I'm sorry, Remus, I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you just say Harry had vanished?"   
"According to Anna."   
"And a teenage girl is a reliable source?"   
"I'd know if she was lying." Remus fingered his nose pointedly.   
"Oh... OK. Now, here's the fun part. How do _I_ know that _you're_ telling the truth?"   
"James, just go with me on this, will you?"   
"Right. Fine. Aah, help, Harry's disappeared. Now what do we do?"   
"_You_ tell Lily, and keep Sirius from suspecting anything, while _I_ go and sniff around in hope that my theory's wrong..."   
"By the way, Remus, had you considered the fact that _I_ used to disappear quite regularly at school?"   
"We always saw you putting the thing on, though. Now, go and tell Lily. And whatever you do, don't say a word to Sirius." And Remus walked back over to the kids, who were forming a pretty effective protective circle.   
"I still think they're playing us up," James muttered. "Oh well. Hey! Lily!" 

/\/\/\

"Oh, great. Just peachy. _Now _what do we do?"   
"I think now's the time to wait. For twenty-four hours. If they're not back by then, we tell the Ministry and Sirius. In that order."   
"...And if a ransom note appears?"   
"We tell Sirius and the Ministry and go after them." Remus sighed. "What I don't get is why they want Paul, Mona and Neville. I mean, Death Eaters kidnapping Harry is easy enough to work out, there's no big mystery there, but... well..."   
"Neville's his friend, though."   
"Sort of... they're not really that close. I mean, this term they've been closer than they were when I was at Hogwarts... but Hermione was hanging around with Anna and Ron was with Mona. He didn't really have anyone else."   
"Great." James groaned. "There's no link at all, then. Unless they _thought_ Neville was his best friend..."   
"It's hardly likely, considering Peter was hanging around Harry for three years, pretending to be Ron's pet rat. Long story, don't ask. And no, Ron didn't know."   
"Forgot him." James sighed. "And now Lily's refusing to talk to me and going on about how `next time we'll have to be more careful`... I've already _told_ her I don't want another one, I don't know what's got into her..."   
"I think you do, actually," Remus said, keeping his face straight with difficulty.   
"...and she keeps coming into the bathroom to throw up. The place is huge, you'd think she'd be able to find another bathroom, wouldn't you, but _no..._"   
"James?"   
"Yeah?"   
"Are you actually_ listening_ to yourself?"   
"Not really, no. Why?"   
"Oh... no reason."   
"If she can't find another bathroom I'd be happy to help her... half the time I'm in there when she comes in. Do you have any idea how hard it is to stop halfway through?"   
"Sheesh..." 

/\/\/\

The next day, Sirius woke up to find an owl sitting about two centimetres away from his face and holding a letter. Blearily, he took it and thanked the owl, then shoved Bria off his stomach - and onto Emilily's - and sat up to read it. 

> > > > > _Dearest Sirrikins,_   
_ If you want to see your friends again I'm afraid you'll have to come to the Riddle House in Little Hangleton._   
_ Hope you're well and that the Mudblood wedding was just a pretext._
>>>>> 
>>>>> _Mummy_

Sirius stared at the letter. It wasn't possible... couldn't be... checking that Emilily was still fast asleep, he Disapparated straight out of bed. 

/\/\/\

"Remus! Oh, thank God!"   
"Sir'us? Wha? S'four am! Whaddaya doin' here?"   
"I just got this." Sirius thrust the letter into Remus' hand.   
"Hm?" Remus read it and his eyes widened. "Oh, no!"   
"I'll go and check on James."   
"You do that. But Sirius?"   
"Mm?"   
"Do you want to borrow a pair of trousers first?" 

/\/\/\

"Phew!"   
"Sirius? What the... no, actually I don't want to know. And don't tell Lily."   
"Right. What's going on?"   
"Huh? Nothing! Nothing's going on! What makes you think something's going on?"   
"You only play Quidditch in the middle of the night when you're worried, James Potter, and you were most definitely playing Quidditch."   
"What makes you think that?"   
"You're holding a broom and a Quaffle."   
"What? Where?" James looked at his hands and feigned surprise - in a very amateurish way, to Sirius' eye. "Oh, you mean _this_ broom and Quaffle! Well I never! How did they get there?"   
"James. What. Is. Going. _On_?" James sighed and gave up.   
"Harry's been kidnapped by Death Eaters, so has Paul - Remus' nephew?, and Neville Longbottom - Frank's kid, and another one who we don't know..."   
"When did this happen?"   
"Yesterday."   
"_Yesterday?!?_ Are you _nuts?_ Why didn't you do something?"   
"We weren't sure, is why! And besides..."   
"Besides what?"   
"Well, we didn't want to worry you." James shifted uncomfortably under Sirius' stare. "You know how worked up you get... it's meant to be a relaxing occasion... and you'd only have gone storming off to find them. Like you're getting ready to do now."   
"Too damn right I am!"   
"Sirius. Come inside and let me explain why I don't think it'd be a good idea for you to go running off."   
"Explain out here."   
"OK. There's this little thing which you have. I'd call it a mental problem if I was suicidal, but the correct term, I believe, is _Cruentus sanguis imperius_... ah, you know what I'm talking about."   
"I don't have that," Sirius said woodenly, to cover his reaction.   
"Oh, yes you do. I've seen you fighting it - and giving in. Remember that thing with Snape? Don't tell me it was your _good_ side that told him how to freeze the bloody Willow. And I've heard from both Remus and Harry how badly you want Peter dead. Now, I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve it, but... Sirius, you can't go into Voldemort's HQ by yourself."   
"Well, tough. I'm going."   
"Not without me, you're not," Lily said from behind them.   
"If you're about to say `I've read about _cruentus sanguis,_ I'll be safe`..." James began.   
"Actually, I was about to say `You'll need a doctor with you just in case`, but never mind."   
"We'd better tell the Ministry," James said.   
"And Remus. He'll want to come." 

/\/\/\

"My lord? Cerberus and Doxy are back."   
"Excellent. Did they get everyone?"   
"Well, they say so, my lord. However..."   
"I hear your point, Wormtail. Give them this key - it is for the room we prepared. Then go and make some Wolfsbane potion. We may need it."   
"Yes, my lord." Wormtail took the key from Voldemort, opened the door, and walked out of the room.   
"Oh, Wormtail." Wormtail's head reappeared in the doorway. "Remember to disarm them. I shall expect you to do some guard duty yourself." Wormtail's face paled.   
"Yes, my lord." 

/\/\/\

"Why're there _four _of them?" Wormtail asked, eyeing the wriggling sacks doubtfully.   
"Because that's how many friends he has. Why, is there something the matter?"   
"Well, I'd've expected it to be either three or six, personally, but... OK. We need to disarm them. I'll do this one" - Wormtail pointed to the sack with the smallest lump in it - "if you'll do the others." After all, there was less chance of him getting the one he was dreading this way... he opened the sack, and peered in. "Oh, dear," he said. 

/\/\/  
A/n; It's fun, isn't it? Now. Can _you_ guess - or even work out - what Cerberus and Doxy have done that's so stupid? And if you speak Latin, please excuse my pathetic attempt - I _don't_ speak it and only had the help of a Latin dictionary and the Harry Potter books to help me make up Sirius'... uhm... mental condition.   
I'm sure you all know what I live on by now, so go on; review!   
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	30. Big Families and Bigger Problems

wmipart10 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which everything goes horribly wrong... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 10; Big Families and Bigger Problems   
"So... that's Phil Lupin, Moona Weasley, Neville Shortbum and Harry Potter?" Remus sighed.   
"Not quite. You got Harry Potter right, but..."   
"Excuse me. Rita Skeeter, _Daily Prophet_. Is it true that -"   
"Push off, Rita," Sirius growled as Hermione came up and whispered something in the reporter's ear. Rita went white.   
"Fine... I'll... er... just be off..."   
"You have _got_ to tell me how you did that," Sirius said admiringly to Hermione, who blushed and shrugged.   
The Dining Hall at the WMI was chaos. It had been the nearest big room to get the news across to the families not to panic, everything possible was being done. Unfortunately, the Ministry representatives - who included Fudge since this was _Harry Potter's_ kidnap - hadn't yet reached a decision about what they _were_ going to do, and Remus was running out of things to say.   
"No, Mrs. Weatherby, you can't go in... neither can you, Pat... no, I'm _sorry_, you _can't_... gosh, shoddily-made broom handles, well I never... Yes, Mrs. Weatherby, I _am_ listening to you... no, you can't go in..." 

/\/\/\

> > > > _...therefore I urge you to consider the minimum standard thickness of cauldron bottoms and increase your productions accordingly. If you do not this Department may be forced to confiscate your Magical Item Production Licence.___
>>>> 
>>>>   
__
>>>> 
>>>> _[Percival Weasley]_

Percy sighed and re-read his letter. It would probably have as much effect as the other two hundred and fifty-seven he'd already sent, but that wasn't the point. He signed it, put it into an envelope and headed down to the Owlery.   
"Yeah, that's right, Weatherby. Not Weasley..." Percy stopped. It wouldn't hurt to listen to what people said about him behind his back, after all.   
"For once. I was beginning to think that'd be the only decent name I'd hear in connection with `Harry Potter`."   
"Well, whatever. This second to last Weatherby kid's been kidnapped by You-Know-Who, and we have to do something because Harry Potter's probably with him. Or her. God, these kids do get into trouble, don't they?"   
"Yeah. Still, think about it. If we find this kid, we could get to meet The Boy Who Lived..."   
"D'you think I should bring my autograph book?"   
"If you can fit it into your Aurorkit, sure. I'll try to pack mine, too..."   
"Don't forget, we have to go the the Werewolves' Magic Institute for some reason."   
Percy stared at the door, cauldron bottoms forgotten for once in his life. When the Aurors exited their office thirty seconds later, the only evidence that Percival Weasley had been there was a carefully addressed envelope containing a warning about the lower regions of cauldrons. 

/\/\/\

Percy re-Apparated into the Weasley kitchen and nearly landed on top of his mother.   
"What - Percy! What's happened?"   
"Ron's been kidnapped by Death Eaters," Percy said as fast as he could. "I overheard two Aurors talking about it and they called him Weatherby but they said second-to-youngest and that he was with Harry when _he_ got kidnapped, oh yeah Harry's gone too, and they're going to the Werewolves' Magic Institute to sort it out and oh my God I left my letter on the floor!"   
"Ron? Kidnapped? By Death Eaters?"   
"Yeah, probably because he was with Harry `cos Harry's been kidnapped and-"   
"Go and get your father. _Now._ Then Apparate up to Hogsmeade, go to Hogwarts and pull Fred, George and Ginny out of class, then Floo straight back down here. BILL! CHARLIE!" The eldest Weasley sons appeared, together with Bill's fiancee Christina and Penny Clearwater.   
"Mum? What's happened?"   
"Perce? What're you doing out of work?" 

/\/\/\

"Look, Mrs. Weatherby, I'm as upset as you are, but..."   
"How can you be?" Mrs. Weatherby demanded. "You've never had children, let alone lost them to bastards like that!"   
Remus just looked at her. When she failed to get the point, he said softly, "My sister was killed by her husband - who claimed to be _in love _with her - simply for being a werewolf. I believed two of my best friends dead for nearly fourteen years because of Peter Pettigrew. And my nephew - who I have raised since he was _two weeks old_ - has just been kidnapped by Death Eaters. Mrs. Weatherby, _I know what you're feeling_."   
Mrs. Weatherby stared at him, then said "Oh" very quietly and turned away. It was at this point that Sirius tapped Remus on the shoulder.   
"D'you want me to take over?"   
"No, thanks. Oh, no, Anna, what is it _now?_"   
"Ummm... well, it's kinda confusing... should I show them in?"   
"What _is_ it?" Before Anna could answer, however, the door burst open.   
"Right! What's being done?" A strangely familiar voice said. Ron spun round.   
"Mum! What're you doing here?" His mother blinked.   
"Ron? What... how... I thought you'd been kidnapped!"   
"Huh? Me? No, that's Harry. I'm fine... ow, Mum, gerroff!"   
"Phew," Remus commented to James. "I thought I had another bombardment coming there..." As he spoke, a large firework display started in the middle of the floor.   
"FRED! GEORGE!" Two enraged mothers screeched in unison.   
"JAMES!!!! SIRIUS! REMUUUUUS!!!!" Lily screamed.   
"What?" Came the simultaneous reply from James, Sirius, Remus, Fred, George, Freda and Georgina. The two sets of twins blinked, and stared at each other while everyone else stared at them.   
Freda made the first move. "Hi. I'm Freda Weatherby, call me Fred, this is Georgina."   
"Call me George."   
"Hi," Fred said. "I'm Fred Weasley, but you can call me George."   
"And I'm George Weasley, but you can call me Fred."   
"OK," Freda said. "Fred..."   
"Yeah?" Fred said.   
"Huh? No, not you, George, I'm talking to Fred!"   
"Which George, Fred?" Georgina asked with a mischievous gleam in her eye.   
"Which Fred, George?" Freda and Fred asked in unison, before all four burst out laughing. Ron could just be heard muttering `Mental` above the sound. 

/\/\/\

"Oh, dear," a voice said. Neville looked up to see a face which he recognised vaguely from photographs published in the _Daily Prophet_. It was Peter Pettigrew.   
"Is something the matter?" A man's voice asked, and another face which he didn't recognise came and looked down into his sack.   
"Who _is_ this?" Pettigrew asked.   
"Peter Pettigrew."   
"Huh?"   
"This is Peter Pettigrew." The man gestured to the other sacks, which had now all been opened to reveal Harry, Paul and Mona. "And that's James Potter, Remus Lupin, that weird girl who none of them like..."   
"Lily," the real Peter murmured in spite of himself. "Um. Would you ask Lord Voldemort to come up here, please? Right away? Say we've got a hitch, but -" he half-glanced at Harry before continuing "- if all goes well it might get smoothed out. But I want him up here anyway. For... advice." The man nodded and left.   
"What the hell is going on?" Mona demanded. "Why us? I can understand him," she jerked her head in Harry's direction, "but the rest of us?"   
"It's a mistake," Peter said helplessly. "It wasn't _meant_ to be you... or even Harry, come to that. They're just... so... damn... stupid!"   
"Let us go then," she said.   
"Can't. At least not without permission. You'll have to wait."   
"Hey, I know you!" Paul said suddenly. "You're that bastard who got his parents killed!"   
"I _do_ have a name," Harry said tetchily. He had a headache coming on and he rather suspected it wouldn't go away until he got out of the building and away from Voldemort... if ever.   
"How do you know?" Peter demanded of Paul.   
"My uncle told me about you. Once he'd finished ranting about that other guy..."   
"Your... oh, no. Are you Paul Luphunt?"   
"Yeah."   
"Great," Peter muttered. "Just _peachy_." 

/\/\/\

"I see," Lord Voldemort said. "They've kidnapped the wrong generation. I _see_. Pray tell, Wormtail, what was the _good_ point in this?"   
"Um. They got Harry Potter, my lord. We could use him to bring Sirius in before killing him. And they also got Remus' nephew - that could bring Remus, and then if we caught _him_ Sirius would _have_ to come."   
"Very true, Wormtail. Very true..." 

/\/\/\

"So, who's coming?" Sirius called above the noise. Owing to the Ministry's complete incompetence, the Marauders had finally taken matters into their own hands and were organising a rescue party. At once several hands shot up. Remus groaned.   
"Ron, Hermione, Anna, Indus, all other people under eighteen down there, I'm _sorry_, but you just can't come!"   
"Well, I'm coming whether you like it or not," Mrs Weasley declared over four grumbling teenagers.   
"And me," Emilily and Mike said in unison.   
"So... that's me, James, Sirius, Remus, Mrs Weasley, Emilily and Mike," Lily said, noting down the next few names.   
"Any more and we'll be spotted in two minutes," James said pointedly.   
"Uh-oh," Sirius said.   
"What?"   
"Well, _actually_ it's me, Lily, you, Remus, Mrs Weasley, Emilily, Mike, Binary, Buckbeak, Tkaa, Bria and Felix," Sirius explained. "And possibly Milton."   
"Pardon my asking, but... how the... _heck_ are we going to get _Binary_ into the Knight Bus?"   
Unnoticed in the general planning, Ron motioned to Hermione, Anna and Indus and led them out of the hall.   
"Easy. She walks in. I can always shrink her if she needs it..."   
_Not on your life, dearest Sirrikins. Remember who's got the horn._   
"... or maybe not."   
"I still don't get what's happened with Mona, Paul and Neville," Remus said. "I mean, look at them!" he gestured to the photos arranged on the table in front of them. Suddenly, Mike froze.   
"Haaang on a second. Sirius. Do you have a photo of you four when you were fifteen or so? And possibly Lily too?" Sirius nodded. "Can you go and get them? Thanks. Remus? Photo of that boy with the funny ears?"   
"Indus? I'll go and get one." 

/\/\/\

"Ron, what is it?" Ron turned round and indicated that they should all get into a huddle.   
"Listen. They're going on the Knight Bus, right?" The others murmured assent. "And we want to go and help them, right?" Again, murmurs of assent. "So why don't we call up the Knight Bus just before they go, get on, pay then say that we want to go to the same place as the party of seven humans and assorted animals that's going to call it up in a second? We'd get to go and once we'd got there they wouldn't be able to turn back."   
"They're going to _book_ the Bus, though," Anna said. "That means no-one else can use it."   
"Yeah... but _it still gets called up! _We can just say we're the first half of the party."   
"Ron..." Indus stopped briefly as his mouth threatened to mutate, then continued, "that is _sheer genius!_"   
"I'm forced to agree," Anna said as Hermione nodded. Ron's ears went pink. 

/\/\/\

When the four sidled back into the Hall, they discovered the entire company bent over a series of photos lying on the table.   
"See? That's Lily in fifth year. That's Mona in fifth year - as she is now. Observe."   
"Oh, Lord," Sirius was heard to say.   
"...and we all know Harry looks like James..." Remus said ponderingly, "and people are always saying Paul looks like me..."   
"And Neville's got that same kind of quivering terror about him as Peter," Emilily said. "I'm sorry, Mrs Longbottom, but it's true."   
"So why Indus' photo?" Sirius asked.   
"Think about it. We have Harry as James, Paul as Remus, Mona as Lily and Neville as Peter. Who's left."   
"...me... oh, no. No... NO!"   
"What's so bad about looking like Indus?" Remus asked.   
"It's not that. It's that this, basically, is a kidnapping scheme gone horribly wrong. In fact, it's gone so wrong it's going to go right."   
"Huh?"   
"Never mind. Tomorrow, ten am. Everyone be there."   
"Right." 

/\/\/  
A/n; *giggles* Well. The rescue mission starts next chapter! And I'm warnin' y'all, it's going to be chaos. No, siriusly, it is.   
Please... review... must... have... reviews... live... on... reviews...   
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	31. The Knight Bus

wmipart11 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which Neville shows his true colours, Harry gets ill and there's a full moon too-oo-niiiight! Ahem. 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. All lines from the musical _Anything Goes_ belong to whoever owns _Anything Goes_. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 11; The Knight Bus   
"Oh, this is _typical._ Just _typical_. I'm stuck in the Dark Lord's house with, no offense, a celebrity, a bitch and a dingbat. _Typical_."   
"We haven't even seen You-Know-Who yet," Neville said. "I mean, you'd think he'd come and kill Harry, wouldn't you?"   
"Thanks, Neville," Harry said sourly. His headache was now worse than ever, and wasn't showing signs of going away.   
"Well, I'm _sorry_, but it's true. And he's useless." Neville nodded to Wormtail, who was curled up on a mattress in the corner of the room, fast asleep.   
"Yeah... our fake Moody'd have had a word or two to yell at him," Harry said.   
"I'll say. Hmm..."   
"Neville? You look... odd."   
"I just had an idea."   
"That'd explain it," Mona muttered.   
"Shall we?" And with that, Neville tilted his head gently towards the slumbering Wormtail.   
"No. We can't."   
"We _can_. And we _will_. Come on."   
"You do it."   
"OK." Neville crept slowly up to Wormtail, leant over so that his mouth was right next to the man's ear, took a deep breath and yelled, "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" Wormtail jerked awake, screamed and attempted to run out of the room, causing even Harry to laugh.   
"Wormtail! what are you doing?" A high, cold voice asked from the other side of the door.   
"M-my lord..."   
"Well?"   
"Um... nightmares, my lord..." Realising that Neville was still standing in the middle of the room, Harry crept towards him and pulled him down so that he was sitting on one of the beds with the rest of them, just seconds before Voldemort walked into the room.   
"Good evening, children, and welcome to the Riddle House. I am your host, Lord Voldemort, and Wormtail here will cater to your bare necessities. There is a bathrom through this door here. Kindly refrain from terrorizing my minions too much, they are difficult to find. Not to mention difficult to keep."   
"Maybe that's because you're so stupid," Neville said. Loudly. Harry, Paul and Anna all stared at him.   
"I beg your pardon?"   
"I mean, only an idiot would send people out to kill Muggle-borns. And it takes an even smaller IQ than that to work out that if you kill people you get Aurors after you. And everyone knows that Aurors send you to Azkaban. And people like you a lot more if you don't terrify them out of their wits..."   
"Neville," Harry said softly.   
"I mean, what _exactly_ is so scary about you?"   
"Neville." A bit louder this time.   
"You show me one scary ting about your body - aside from the red contact lenses - and I'll show you a flying pig."   
"NEVILLE!"   
"What? Don't tell me you're scared of him, Harry..."   
"As a matter of fact, I am. Know why? BECAUSE HE WANTS TO KILL ME!"   
"For once, I agree with Harry," Voldemort said. "You are a waste of time, and I don't _like_ wastes of time."   
"You kill him, you'll have to kill me as well," Harry said.   
"Gladly."   
"And me!" Mona and Paul said, getting into the spirit of the thing.   
"Ah. That reminds me. Wolfsbane potion, Wormtail?"   
"Here, my lord."   
"Eww, no thanks," Mona said. "You could've put anything in it! We'll drink our own." So saying, she produced two flasks, gave one to Paul and downed the contents of the other. "Now, someone open the shutters."   
"Ah-ah." Voldemort waggled a finger in a way that he could only have picked up at the Muggle orphanage. "Wait until the sun goes down." 

/\/\/\

"Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. Just stick out your wand hand, step on board and we can take you anywhere you want to go. My name is Stan Shunpike, and I will be your conductor this evening."   
"Hi," Ron said. "Um, I understand the bus was booked for this evening."   
"S'right," Stan said.   
"Well, we're the first part of the party. Can we come on?"   
"Sure. Long as you give the password."   
"Password?" Ron said blankly.   
"Yeah. So we knows you're `oo you say you are. So. Wassa password?"   
"Um. Excuse me." The four teenagers retreated into a huddle.   
"Well, what's it _likely_ to be?" Hermione whispered - Stan was watching them with interest.   
"I dunno, do I?"   
"The Marauders set it up," Anna said, "And they always use the same password. But I can't remember what it is..." There was a pause. Then;   
"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good?" Ron and Hermione said together.   
"That's it!"   
"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," Ron said to Stan.   
"All right. I guess the other part's payin'?"   
"Yep."   
"Right. `Op on, then." They `opped on. 

/\/\/\

"Lily's medicine bag?"   
"Check."   
"Where?"   
"Up my sleeve, you dope."   
"Oh, right. Chocolate?"   
"Ch-*munch*-*gulp*-eck."   
"_Uneaten_ chocolate?"   
"Ah. No check. I'll go and get some..."   
"Distractions. Happy Little Sailor?"   
"Check."   
"Whatever Sirius, Emilily and Mike want to do?"   
"Check."   
"Check."   
"Check."   
"Girls! Things in case anything starts? I've got mine."   
"Check."   
"No check, mine finished yesterday."   
"Boys! Girl-talk translators?"   
"Not switched on, I didn't understand a word of that."   
"Ditto."   
"Same again. Ah, here's the uneaten chocolate!"   
"In that case, we're all ready to go." James stuck his wand hand out, and jumped backwards sharpish.   
"Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the-"   
"Yeah, whatever. We're the party who booked. Password; I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good."   
"Come on! That's firteen Galleons, please! No... that's not right..."   
"It will be once we've got the people we're going to pick up," James said as he paid.   
"Ah, right." 

/\/\/\

"Neville, what on earth did you think you were doing?" Harry yelled once Voldemort had gone. Neville shrugged.   
"I dunno... it's just that when it came to it, I wasn't scared any more." He paused. "What _exactly_ is all the hype over that guy, anyway?"   
"Oh, he's only the greatest Dark wizard since God knows when," Mona said sarcastically. "Nothing to worry about. After all, he's never _killed_ anybody or anything..."   
"It's his fault that your parents are insane, Neville," Harry pointed out quietly. Neville jumped.   
"What gave you that idea?"   
"Dumbledore. Sorry, I... got a bit nosy last term."   
"Um, Harry." Paul sighed. "We heard that. Werewolf hearing's better than human hearing."   
"Oh."   
"It doesn't matter," Neville said consolingly. "At least you _tried_ to keep it a secret..." Harry just keeled over.   
"What...Harry? Harry!" 

/\/\/\

"Sorry, mate, this is as far as we go."   
"That's Ok," James said. "Just wait here for us. And if we're not back in twenty-four hours, get the Ministry in."   
"Right."   
"And one more thing." Lily drew Stan as close as possible without offending James, and whispered, "Keep a bed ready. I'm expecting."   
"That close, huh?" Remus asked.   
"Will-you-stop-doing-that!"   
"I can't help it if I can hear you, can I?" 

/\/\/  
A/n; *sighs* Rescue mission next time, peeps! And... oh my, Lily *is* close...but will the bed be necessary? Or will baby dear hold on? And what about Harry? Is it too late?   
Review, please! =)   
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	32. The Rescue Mission

wmipart12 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which King Chaos reigns supreme... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. All lyrics from the musical _Anything Goes_ belong to whoever owns _Anything Goes_. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 12; The Rescue Mission   
The sun was just setting as the rescue party climbed out of the Knight Bus. Remus gulped and fished in his bag for a painkiller before leading the way to a sheltered clearng where he could transform without too much hassle from Stan and Ernie.   
Behind them, Ron, Hermione, Indus and Anna stepped off the bus and headed to a different clearing, Anna handing Indus another painkiller as they went. It was full moon. 

A-WOO-OO-OOOooooo! 

From where they sat, James and Sirius could see Stan and Ernie clutch at each other as Remus howled his heart out. Then, however, it was their turn to jump as two answering howls came from almost directly behind them.   
"Wha?" Sirius asked. "Riddle House is down there!" He pointed.   
_Anna,_ Remus said crossly. _And Indus. __A/n; Remember, Remus in this form is an animal =)_>   
"WHAT?"   
"What? What's going on?" Sirius stormed over to the edge of the clearing, disappeared down a hitherto-unnoticed path and reappeared a few minutes later, dragging Ron and Hermione by the scruffs of their necks and being followed by two young wolves, the female of which was brown like Remus and the male of which was black.   
"That's what's going on," he said crossly, depositing Ron and Hermione in front of everyone. "I don't know how they got here, but I'm sure glad Anna answered Remus' howl..." Anna cringed as only a canine can cringe.   
"RON!" Mrs Weasley made them all jump by speaking up for the first time since the bus had arrived. "WHAT ON _EARTH_ DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Ron glared at his mother.   
"We're not leaving our friends - and siblings - on the line, none of us."   
"If you send us back, we'll just follow you again," Hermione added. 

/\/\/\

"Harry! Harry!" At long last, Harry opened his eyes. Someone had _intelligently_ removed his glasses, and he started groping for them. Neville sighed and put them on his nose.   
"Neville? Wha' jus' happ'n'd?"   
"You collapsed. I've been trying to wake you up for almost ten minutes now. Paul and Mona were helping, but... well." Harry looked at the aforementioned pair; they had both transformed and were standing at the window as if waiting for something. Wormtail, Harry noticed, was keeping his distance from them. Suddenly, spontaneously, they both threw their heads back and howled.   
"They've been doing that every two minutes or so," Neville said as he helped Harry sit up.   
"Great... as if I didn't already have a headache. God, I'm sleepy..."   
"It's the virus," Wormtail said, speaking up for the first time. "Knocks you out completely. I could fix you a Waking Potion..."   
"_You_ fix _him_ a Waking Potion?" Neville asked incredulously. "Do you think we're nuts or something? You Death Eater. Him Harry Potter. _Over my dead body!_"   
"Fine. I was only trying to help." And Wormtail retreated into his corner, pouting.   
"You never helped me in your life," Harry mumbled through the blue-and-green haze which seemed to be surrounding everything. "Not once. Even Scabbers never helped me..."   
"I bit that bully for you," Wormtail said sulkily.   
"Harry and Ron could have managed Goyle any day," Neville said. "Now why don't you just shut up?" 

/\/\/\

"..._still_ don't see why they had to come... parents'll _slaughter_ us if they get hurt..."   
"They won't leave us alone, James, you know that. Now shut up and move."   
"I'm moving, I'm moving... what's that?" James pointed to a small dark lump which was sitting by the side of the path and sobbing.   
"It's a child!" Mrs Weasley hurried forward, all glaring at Ron forgotten. "Are you all right, sweetie?" The little girl - for girl she was - looked up and sobbed.   
"M-m-m-MUUUUUUMMMMMMYYYYYY!" She burst into tears.   
"You've lost your mummy?"   
"`es." The girl looked up at Mrs. Weasley, eyes filled with trust. "Will you help me find my mummy?"   
"Oh, of course I w-"   
"No." Everyone stared at Sirius. "Not without doing a check." He squatted down next to the girl. "What's your name, little girl?"   
"`Abwadowa."   
"Labradora. And your surname?"   
"Not s'posed to tell you dat."   
"But if you don't tell us how are we meant to find your mummy?"   
"Oh. A'right den. S'Black."   
"Labradora Black." Sirius looked up at them all triumphantly. "A decoy."   
"How do you know?"   
"I used to do it myself. It's a way of teaching the kids to act. Invaluable if you're going to spend your entire adult life dodging the law. I'll bet you anything Mummy dear is pretty close, with at least twenty Death Eaters. The whole thing's a trap."   
"Oh." James paused. "Which way do we go then?"   
"We stick to the path, and when Mummy calls Labradora we send her back by herself. They'll almost certainly be somewhere in the woods."   
"OK."   
"But what if she really _is_ lost?" Mrs Weasley asked.   
"She isn't, trust me. Look at this." Sirius gently drew back Labradora's right sleeve to reveal a small blue blob on her wrist, which was pulsing gently and glowing. "See? Tracking spell."   
"Oh."   
"They teach the kids to do that?" Ron asked, sounding repulsed.   
"Yep. Come on, let's go." 

/\/\/\

"LAB-RA-DOR-AAAAAA!"   
"MUMMY!" Labradora looked up at Sirius, who was holding her hand. "C'n we go see Mummy?"   
"You go by yourself, Labradora. We've got things to do."   
"But you've gotta come wiv me!"   
"Labradora, you're a big girl, aren't you?"   
"`es."   
"Well, big girls don't need people to help them find their mummies, do they? You go by yourself."   
"O-K." And Labradora toddled off into the woods purposefully. Sirius sighed.   
"Well, that's got her out of the way. What? What are you all staring at me like that for?"   
"Sirius..." Mike stopped and shook his head. "Had it ever occurred to you that you're just cut out to be a father?"   
"Not on your life."   
"Well, you like kids..." Behind James, Emilily looked up.   
"Actually..."   
"I like kids, yes, but not in the same house as me."   
"Oh, dear."   
"Et tu, Emilily?" Lily asked. Emilily nodded. "Great! No, wait. Not great. That means they'll be at school together..." She shuddered. "Those poor teachers." Up ahead, Remus whimpered and came running back to the group, tail between his legs.   
"What?" Sirius looked down. "Remus says there's some kind of giant dog blocking the gate to the house."   
"How many heads?" Ron asked.   
"Three, he says.... oh, no."   
"Oh, no, what?"   
"It's a Cerberus."   
"Established. So?"   
"So, that means my dad's around."   
"So?" Hermione asked.   
"So, Muggle-borns keep your heads down, and James get ready with the restraints. It's always worse when it's him..."   
"You can sing them to sleep," Ron volunteered.   
_Great,_ Tkaa said. _Twinkle, twinkle, little star..._   
"Tkaa, has anyone ever told you you have a death wish?"   
_Who let the dogs out?_   
"Which one's he singing?"   
"At the moment? Who let the dogs out. Two seconds ago? Twinkle, twinkle, little star."   
"You sure? I mean, it's not tinkle, tinkle, little star or anything?"   
"_James!_"   
"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Mike pushed his way to the front of the group, dragging Emilily with him, and began to sing. 

> > > _The night is young_   
_The skies are clear_   
_So if you want to go walking dear_   
_It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely._

Startled, Sirius joined in, and the whole group began to walk slowly towards the gates of the Riddle House. 

> > > _I understand the reason why you're_   
_Sentimental `cos so am I,_   
_It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely._   
_You can tell at a glance_   
_What a swell night this is for romance_

It began to rain. 

> > > _You can hear dear Mother Nature murmuring low,_   
_Let yourself go!_   
_So please be sweet, my chickadee,_   
_When I kiss you just say to me,_   
_It's delightful, it's delicious,_   
_It's delectable, it's delirious,_   
_It's dilemma, it's de-limit,_   
_It's de-lots, it's de-lovely!_

And now it was Emilily's turn. She filled it beautifully. 

> > > _I feel a sudden urge to sing_   
_The kind of ditty that invokes the Spring._

Mike and Sirius came back in; 

> > > _I'll control my desire to curse_   
_While you crucify the verse..._

"OK, we're through now," James said, "You can stop." They stopped, and realised that the group was missing a member.   
"What... REMUS! Stop sniffing that dog's butt and get over here!" Remus obeyed, whining.   
Just as they walked into the kitchen of the house, which was deserted apart from a few house-elves, Lily stopped.   
"James..."   
"Yeah?"   
"My waters just broke."   
"What? You're not pregnant!"   
"Not technically, no. Technically, I'm in labour..."   
"Oh, God... why me? WHY ME?"   
"I dropped enough hints!" Lily said crossly. "Anyway, the fact remains that I'm going to have a baby in the next twenty-four hours or so, which means we'd better hurry up."   
"Or, you could turn back. Disapparate up to the Knight Bus, they've got beds there at least."   
"No."   
"GO!" With a sigh and a small _pop_, Lily went.   
"Shall I go with her?" Mrs Weasley offered. "You know, to help."   
"Please." Mrs Weasley went. "Now, does anyone else have any surprises up their sleeve? Does the potion wear off, Remus? Is Ron Peter Pettigrew in disguise? Is there, perchance, any likelihood of a rabid rabbit attacking us?"   
"Well..." Sirius began.   
"No. I don't want to know. Let's just get in, get the kids, get out. Sirius, Emilily, Mike, it sounds like they're all having dinner through there, so if you'd like to go and distract them we'll get the kids." The three named nodded and went. "Right. Remus, find Harry! Find him! And Mona, and Neville, and Paul..." Remus wagged his tail and put his nose to the ground, before leading them all straight up the stairs. 

/\/\/\

"This is the door?" Remus nodded, sort of. "Is it locked?" Nod. "Right. _Alohomora_." The lock failed to move. "Darn. Oh, well. It was a nice door, too."   
"It _was_ a nice door?" Hermione asked.   
"Stand back." James walked down to the end of the corridor, transformed, put his head down and charged. The door collapsed. "Yep. It _was_ a nice door," he said once he'd changed back.   
"Oh." Hermione smiled. "I see what you mean."   
"Hermione!" A familiar voice said from inside. "Ron!"   
"Neville! Are you all right?"   
"I'm fine, but Harry's ill... what happened to him?"   
"Well, he thinks I'm dead," James said reasonably. "Unfortunately, it goes against my morality to curse a man who's on the floor in a dead faint." He sighed and reached into his sleeve, withdrawing a small box which had air holes in the lid. "Wands, kiddies? They were in his pocket."   
"Aren't you going to do anything about him?" Ron asked, pointing at Wormtail.   
"Yep. This." There was a flash of blue light, and a small grey rat was lying where Wormtail had been. James scooped him up and stuck him in the box, before shoving the whole thing back up his sleeve. "Wonderful things, spelled sleeves. Don't know what I'd do without them. Come on, let's get out of here... what's up with Harry?"   
"Sleepy," Harry muttered.   
"He's ill," Neville supplied.   
"Oh, typical. And the only person qualified to treat him is off having a baby. Just _typical_. Binary? Do you mind carrying Harry?" Binary shook her head. "Right. Help me get him on, then." Once they'd got Harry onto the unicorn, James conjured up ropes to tie Harry to her back and they began to retrace their steps.   
"_Destino immente,_" James muttered suddenly.   
"Huh?"   
"Oh, sorry. It mean impending doom. I just have this feeling that it's all been too easy..." 

/\/\/  
A/n; Well, there you are =) THIS STORY IS NOT FINISHED YET! It's getting there, but it's not done =)   
Now, everyone review! Go on! They're my life force!   
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	33. Destino Immente

wmipart13 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which King Chaos reigns supreme... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. All lyrics from the musical _Anything Goes_ belong to whoever owns _Anything Goes_. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 13; Destino Immente   
"Where are we going?" Neville asked. "I mean, we seem to be heading into the crowd of people..."   
"We are," James said. "The Fantabulous Three Musketeers are providing a distraction, so it makes sense to head into the huge crowd of people laughing their heads off if we're going to find them.   
"Sirius, Emilily and Mike were the Three Musketeers?" Ron asked. "You mean Jiggy, Pete and Angie were... them?"   
"Yep. One for all and all for lunch, unless it involves underpants. Or ghost geese by the name of Aunt Hetty. Or... I think the next one's toilets..."   
"Yeah, the Toilet of Doom. The book got published a few years ago, but they said there wouldn't be a play because one of the actors wasn't in a position to act the part."   
"In other words, he was in Azkaban," Neville said.   
"Uh-huh... are they _singing_ in there?"   
"Only one way to find out," James muttered, and he pushed open the door. The full blast of the song hit them. 

> > > _... and now I'm all ready to fly,_   
_Yes, to fly higher and higher!_   
_`Cause I've gone though the brimstone,_   
_And been through the fire!_   
_And I purged my soul,_   
_And my heart too,_   
_So climb up the mountain top and start to_   
_Blow, Gabriel, Blow!_
>>> 
>>> _I wanna join your happy band_   
_And play all day in the brownie's land so_   
_Blow, Gabriel Blow!_

"Anything Goes, _again_?" James muttered despairingly. "Don't they ever sing anything else?" Ron risked a peep at the audience. They were all sitting perfectly still, riveted by the talent and sheer enthusiasm of the actors - except Sirius' father, who had fallen asleep.   


> > > _C'mon you scamps, get up you sinners,_   
_You're all too full of expensive dinners!_   
_Stand up on your lazy feet and SING!_

To the everlasting surprise of all involved, the Death Eaters did just that. Even Voldemort joined in. 

> > > _Blow, Gabriel, Blow,_   
_C'mon and blow, Gabriel, blow,_   
_I've been a sinner,_   
_I've been a scamp,_   
_But now I'm willing to trim my lamp,_   
_So blow, Gabriel, blow!_
>>> 
>>> _I was low, Gabriel, low,_   
_Mighty low, Gabriel, low,_   
_But now since I have seen the light,_   
_I'm good by day_   
_And I'm good by night,_   
_So blow, Gabriel, BLOW!_

The music stopped, and a deadly silence prevailed as, one by one, Death Eaters realised that they were having a singalong - to a _Muggle_ song - and sat down, blushing. Except Voldemort. He looked livid. Behind him, Cerberus Black woke up.   
"Thank you one and all!" Sirius called. "And for our next number -"   
"There's not going to be a next number," the Dark Lord said.   
"Oh dear, why not? I thought you were enjoying yourselves!" Emilily and Mike, quietly and calmly, walked offstage, taking Tkaa and Felix with them; Bria and Binary had opted to follow James and Remus from the start and Buckbeak hadn't come.   
"Well, that was -" Emilily began. James shushed her.   
"This could be dangerous. Hold on a second, please..."   
"We were. You are a _very_ talented actor, Sirius. However... here you are, in a house full of Dark wizards. Don't you feel... like you fit in?"   
"No," Sirius said, a little too quickly.   
"Uh-oh," James murmured. Remus put his tail between his legs and whined. "Remus, get the kids out of here." The addressed wolf nodded, sort of, turned tail and ran, closely followed by Paul, Anna, Mona, Indus and Binary (carrying Harry), and followed not quite so readily by Hermione and Neville. Ron, after some frantic hand-gestures, stayed behind despite James' constant warnings that `your mother will kill both of us`.   
"You do, Sirius. You fit right in here. The Blacklands curse still stands - you cannot fight it much longer. Not in this place, with these people..." his lip curled suddenly.   
"I can fight it as long as I want to," Sirius said.   
"But do you want to?" his father asked suddenly. "You gave up everything for this... this stupid fantasy. Yet you're still under the curse, Sirius. You know it as well as I do. You have been submitted to it for your entire life. Look at your wand. Look at the past fourteen years of your life. What better proof of the curse at work is there? _Ten or more years each shall pay his time..._"   
"But unlike you imbeciles, I didn't actually do anything," Sirius said. "We _can_ fight it. We could arrange with the Ministry to raise us in Azkaban, that'd work, and ebony wands aren't a problem. The rest is simple to fight. _I _went to Hogwarts."   
"Yes... and you were in Slytherin."   
"I was not! Where'd you get that idea?"   
"You... _weren't_ in Slytherin?" Cerberus sounded as if his entire universe had just fallen apart.   
"No. It considered me for Hufflepuff more than for Slytherin." Ron snorted suddenly.   
"Enough." Voldemort drew his wand, and pointed it at Sirius. "The Blacklands curse still stands. While it does, you are one of us, whether you like it or not. _Actio_."   
"Run," James said calmly. They ran, James and Mike almost unconsciously covering Emilily's back. Ron asked about this in between pants. After all, they were married.   
"She's Muggle-born," James explained. "Sirius the normal doesn't care, but unfortunately... this is... Sirius the... cursed. _Move!_" 

/\/\/\

It was at about this point that Remus and all the kids except Ron arrived back at the Knight Bus. Mrs Weasley ran out of the Bus, Lily following slightly more sedately owing to the fact that she was about to give birth. Literally.   
"Where's Ron?"   
"He wanted to stay behind," Hermione said. "Um, Mrs Potter? I know this isn't too good a time, but Harry's ill..."   
"Get him into the trees," Lily ordered. The trees in question weren't actually that far away. "Right, what's the problem?"   
"Um. Wormtail said it was a virus," Neville volunteered, "But I don't know how good he is at first aid."   
"Hopeless," Lily said. "Believe me, I was his doctor for a couple of years. The man can't put a plaster on the right way up." Hermione giggled suddenly. "What's so funny?"   
"Oh, nothing, really... it's just that my dad always says that so-and-so couldn't put a filling on the right tooth..."   
"Then I don't want to meet so-and-so," Lily said firmly. She gasped suddenly. "Uh-oh. Baby coming through. Molly, I won't make it back to the Bus. Get me to the trees?" Mrs Weasley nodded. 

/\/\/\

The sun began to rise. 

/\/\/\   
A/n; Only one part of the rescue mission to go, I hope. Review, please. You must. You have to.


	34. Cruentus Sanguis Imperius

wmipart14 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which safety is reached and the baby is named. 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. All lyrics from the musical _Anything Goes_ belong to whoever owns _Anything Goes_. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 13; Cruentus sanguis imperius   
"Why are we running?" Ron panted as they made their way through the forest path.   
"Because they're chasing us," Mike and Emilily said in unison.   
"Why are they chasing us?" Mike asked, just to continue the script.   
"Because we're running away," Emilily groaned. "Oh, _Lord_... I hope the baby survives..."   
"Not another one," James moaned.   
"`Fraid so." 

/\/\/\

By the time they reached the Knight Bus, out of breath and exhausted, everyone was back inside, all the werewolves were asleep on various beds, Harry was asleep on another one and Lily was holding the baby in her arms, looking tired but happy. She looked up as they barged inside.   
"She needs a name," she commented quietly.   
"I need to knock Sirius out, so can baby naming wait a while, _please_, Lily? I'm sure he-"   
"-she-"   
"-_she_, sorry, can live just as long without a name." James looked out of the window. "Darn. Lily, I need a stinkbomb."   
"James!"   
"What?"   
"This is not the time!"   
"Just gimme the damn thing! Thanks." James opened the window and threw the stinkbomb with all the precision of an expert Chaser. There was a long-drawn out howl, then a thud. "Good, he's gone. Mike, can you help me get him in?"   
"Sure." Between them, the two men dragged a large unconscious black dog onto the Bus.   
"Where d'you wanna go?" Stan asked.   
"St. Mungo's Hospital," Lily said. The Knight Bus began to move, and the baby began to scream, waking up everyone but Harry.   
"Oh, Christ, she's worse than Moaning Myrtle!" Remus cried, burying his head under the pillow. James and Lily looked at each other.   
"Myrtle," they said in unison.   
"Well, at least I can fill out her birth certificate now," Lily said with a smile, and produced one from her sleeve, along with a quill and a bottle of ink.   
"Oh, no - you are _not_ going to call her Myrtle!"   
"We are," James said firmly, and that was the end of that.   
"What's the Blacklands curse?" Ron asked suddenly. James bit his lip.   
"To be honest, Ron, I don't know. I know that it's a family curse, but that's about it." He sighed. "You'll have to ask Sirius when he comes round. And if you don't then I will, believe me. I just thought it was _cruentus sanguis imperius_."   
"What's that when it's at home?" Neville asked.   
"It _means_ bad blood controls. It's like... like those really obscure traditions. Nobody knows how they started and they don't make any sense at all, but they keep doing them in the same old way. So, for example, a descendant of the Malfoy family would have a problem going straight, even if he or she had been brought up as a Weasley."   
"It's why people - even Muggles - make such a clear distinction between good and bad witches or wizards," Lily added. "It's kind of ingrained into them."   
"Is that why all the Weasleys are Gryffindors, then?" Hermione asked, sounding interested. The adults nodded.   
"The hat can see that kind of thing so it knows roughly where you should go, and then it works it out by your character," Emilily said. "Wake me up when we get there, someone." With that, she lay down on a spare bed and fell asleep. 

/\/\/\

Harry woke up. Someone had removed his glasses, so he sat up and began to feel around for them. Someone put them on his nose, and the room fell into focus, along with James' face.   
"About time too," he said, smiling, "You've been asleep for almost twenty-four hours. How do you feel?"   
"Fine," Harry said, surprised. "Absolutely fine. Where am I?"   
"St. Mungo's. Lily's gone off for her tea-break."   
"Right... what happened?"   
"From what I can tell, you collapsed. From what Lily says, you got something long, complicated and Latin, but she's a doctor."   
"Uh-huh. Who's there?" Harry pointed to the bed on the opposite side of the room, which was empty.   
"Sirius. He's gone off somewhere. Maybe to play with Myrtle."   
"_Moaning_ Myrtle?"   
"No. Myrtle... oh, you missed all this, didn't you? Myrtle's your new baby sister, courtesy of Lily not telling anyone straight out until her waters broke." James made a face.   
"Why Myrtle?"   
"Well, we needed a name and Remus said she was worse than Moaning Myrtle, so..." Harry laughed. It was at this moment that Sirius came back in, closely followed by Ron. "You put him up to this, didn't you?" he demnnded of James.   
"Put him up to what?"   
"All I wanted to know was what the blacklands Curse was," Ron said, sounding puzzled.   
"What's the Blacklands curse?" Harry asked. Sirius groaned.   
"OK, OK... get everyone who wants to know in herew, because I'll only say this once." 

/\/\/\   
A/n;I know, it's a short chapter, I'm sorry =( But you've got a nice little cliffie to keep you amused! =)   
Review, pleaseohpleaseohplease review!   
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	35. The Blacklands Curse

The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which we find out what the Blacklands curse _is_. 

All British history in this chapter has been derived from solid historical fact. You'll probably understand it better if you're English, but don't worry about it too much. 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. All lyrics from the musical _Anything Goes_ belong to whoever owns _Anything Goes_. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 15; The Blacklands Curse

It didn't take long before everyone was back in the room, much to Sirius' obvious dismay. True to his word, however, he sat down on is bed, sighed and began to explain.   
"Are you sitting, standing, or lying comfortably? Then I'll begin." Lily switched Myrtle into her other arm and Tkaa slid into Sirius' lap and curled up there.   
"You know how the Celtic druids used to do ritual sacrifice because they thought it enhanced their magical abilities?" Lily, Remus, Hermione and Emilily nodded. Everyone else looked blank. "Well, they did. Not in a nice way, either. And do you know how they did Divination?" This time nobody knew. "They used to ritually sacrifice animals, then cut them open and look at their guts."   
"That's gross," Hermione said. Sirius nodded.   
"Didn't work, either. But the next bit - have any of you _other than_ James and Remus heard of Black Moor? Thought not." Sirius sighed again. "The family house is there - Black Moor Hall. When it was built in Roman times it was Niger Domus... but I digress. The point _is_ that canines are sacred on Black Moor.   
"That's where the first wild British werewolf was found," Remus said knowingly.   
"Methinks I know what happened," James added.   
"You probably guessed right. The Celts knew about it. The Celts told the Romans, the Romans told the Vikings, the Vikings told the Saxons, the Saxons told the Normans. Then we stopped getting invaded, of course.   
"Anyway, all through the invasions of Britain a small band of Celts had been living on Black Moor. When the Romans went they took over the Niger Domus, at least until the Domesday Book was written and showed them there. Even then, nothing was done about it until Henry VII became king.   
"By that time, of course, everyone but the Black Moor Celts had forgotten about the canine rule. Henry VII booted the Celts out of the house, renamed it Black Moor Hall and gave it to one of his lords, who organised a werewolf-hunt. The Celts tried to stop him, but-" a spasm of pain crossed Sirius' face "- he wouldn't listen. He got all his friends together, they got their wands out, being wizards, and at full moon... need I go into this bit? Good. As soon as the first werewolf went down the Moor-magic was activated and cursed the wizard who killed it, who just happeneed to be the lord of the manor. And the family've stayed cursed ever since."   
Silence fell. Then Hermione asked, "What's the curse?"   
"Nobody really knows. The original bit was something to do with serving our time, but every Black Moor druid added something to it until now it's so huge and complex that the block its anchor sits on is about ready to fall over for all the runes carved into it. What we _do_ know is that no Black since Lord Pertinax has had a conscience."   
"Which is why Siri makes such a good prankster," James said brightly.   
"Which is why we all make such good _criminals!_ And then there's this little part of all of us that keeps trying to make us do... things! And it gets stronger when we're in a big group! And I'm the only one who's ever even tried to fight it, and I _still_ get affected by it!"   
"All right, calm down..." The rest of what James had to say was drowned out because Myrtle had just woken up and begun to scream. Anyone who was expecting it noticed James' mouth form the words `that bloody baby!` and Remus clapped his hands over his ears.   
_What's the matter with you?_ Tkaa asked Myrtle from Sirius' lap.   
"She can't understand you, Tkaa, it's no use-" Sirius stopped abruptly as Felix jumped into Lily's arms and Myrtle stopped crying, opened her eyes and smiled.   
_That's better,_ the cat said, _now keep it that way, you're giving us all a headache. _The baby gurgled.   
_Sorry, I'm keeping Sirius happy,_ Tkaa said. _Maybe later._   
"What's going on?" Everyone asked at once.   
"You mean... you and Emilily don't know what's happening?" James asked.   
"We can understand them, but they're not making any sense."   
"Hold it." Everyone turned to look at Remus. "Lily, could you hand Myrtle to me? Thanks." He went cross-eyed for a second, then began to change his head at a shocking speed. Myrtle gurgled again and tried to grab an ear as it wormed its way up the side of Remus' head. He grinned, took her hand away and switched back. "Congratulations, you've got a Cargen. Any other baby would've howled its head off."   
"Except a werewolf," Anna said.   
"Really? You two screamed pretty loud when your mother tried to cheer you up that way."   
"Bottom," Hermione said. Everyone stared at her, and she blushed. "That's who you looked like just then - Nick Bottom in _A Midsummer Night's Dream_. You know, when he has an ass's head."   
"Wolf," Remus corrected. "Oh, no, I see what you mean. That'd better be a compliment."   
"I shall make an ass of him," Sirius said. "Then he does."   
"Excuse me? Are we saying here that one of my children is famous and the other one's a Cargen?" James asked.   
"Yep," Remus said.   
"Then I have one question. Just one."   
"Fire away," Lily said.   
"WHY ME?!?"   
"Oh Lord, why dost thou mock me?" Sirius corrected. "That's what you're supposed to say."   
"_Why_ me?"   
"It had to be somebody. Couldn't be me because I'm cursed, couldn't be Remus because he's a werewolf, couldn't be Peter because he's a sneaky little rat. That leaves only one." Sirius paused. "Did you get Peter, by the way?"   
"Yep. He's in Azkaban."   
"About time too."   
"The question still remains, though. Why me?"   
"Like I said, it had to be somebody. Might as well be you."   
"Great. Just peachy."   
"There's a squirrel outside the window," Remus said.Everyone turned to look.   
"Two squirrels," Emilily said. "She's got a baby with her." She went to the window and opened it a bit more. The (grey) squirrel hopped in, went straight to Myrtle and dropped her baby on the child with a lot of chittering.   
"Huh?" Lily said.   
"Lucky kid," Sirius said, grinning. "I had to wait two weeks before I got Tkaa."   
"I had to wait _eight years_ before I got Felix," Emilily said. "I bet there's not many Cargens can say they got their familiars in their first forty-eight hours of life."   
"Or indeed that they got a grey squirrel," Sirius added. "They all used to run away from me." To the squirrel he added, "Thank you for your kindness." She chittered at him and jumped out of the window.   
"So... she's got a squirrel now?" James asked, apparently trying to catch up.   
"Yep. And the squirrel will annoy her immensely, but..." Sirius and Emilily simultaneously put their hands over Tkaa's and Felix's ears "...when all's said and done, that squirrel will be the best friend she's ever had. No offense, James."   
"None taken... I think." 

///   
A/n; Is it just me, or are these chapters getting shorter? Ah well. Only one more chapter to go, if I'm lucky.   
Review... please... must... have... reviews...   
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	36. Tying Up Loose Ends

wmipart16 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which a baby is born and subsequently named, and the Dursleys meet the Potters... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. All lyrics from the musical _Anything Goes_ belong to whoever owns _Anything Goes_. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

Chapter 16; Tying Up Loose Ends   
Any dawn hikers would have been greatly surprised, on July 2nd, to see a young woman in her early thirties lying under a tree giving birth, with a Siamese cat perched on her chest.   
And if they had waited a little longer, they would have seen a man and another woman, who looked tired, suddenly appear out of thin air.   
As a matter of fact, somebody _did_ witness all of this, but as he was the village drunk nobody paid much attention to him. Besides, the Blacks were very popular in Wherwell, for all their peculiarities.   
After a while, Emilily sat up, smiling. Felix fell off her chest and stalked away, but was careful to remain within earshot. Sirius hid a grin.   
"It's a girl," Lily yawned - she had just been woken up for the fifth time in one night.   
_And that's a red squirrel,_ Tkaa commented, looking up at the tree Emilily was lying under.   
_Don't eat me! _The squirrel cried.   
"Nobody's going to eat you," Sirius said, shooting a look at Felix, who was edging closer.   
_Well, the cat'll try, so take him with my blessings and may Mother Nature smile on your child! _And the squirrel dropped a small bundle onto the baby and scampered off. There was silence. Then:   
"Well I never," Emilily said quietly. ""Two squirrels in one season, that has to be unusual."   
"You sort it out," Lily said tiredly. "I'm going back to bed. Here's her birth certificate, fill in the name then owl it to me, I have to make a copy." With that, she handed Sirius the slip of paper and Disapparated. 

///

"So, what did you call her in the end?" James asked the next day. "Labradora Junior?"   
"Holly," Sirius said firmly. "It's simple, you can't make any awful puns with it, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with any canines of any description."   
"Um," Remus said.   
"Remus? You've got a horrible you're-not-going-to-like-this look on your face..."   
"Yeah..."   
"Well? What is it? Spit it out, wolf-man!"   
"Er... `Holly` is the most popular name for female dogs in Britain..."   
Lily heard Sirius' scream of rage from the other end of the garden. 

///

Harry couldn't help but grin as he heaved his trunk off the Hogwarts Express and onto a trolley. He looked around for his parents and found them; and Harry led the way through the barrier to Platform 9¾.   
The Dursleys and Aunt Marge were waiting there. Aunt Marge, having found Harry's weak spot two years ago, immediately began talking about his parents.   
"So. Have you found out what your father did yet?"   
"Yeah." Harry grinned. "He was a prototype broomstick tester for Nimbus, which is a very dangerous job because if the Braking Charms aren't good enough then the first anyone knows of it is when you go headfirst into a brick wall." They all stared at him, then Aunt Marge rallied.   
"Oh, a cleaner was he? I might have known. And your Aunt here told me your mother was a prostitute..."   
"Gosh, was I really?" A familiar voice asked interestedly from behind Harry. Aunt Petunia went an interesting greenish colour. "The things I've done that I don't know about, eh, James?"   
"Intriguing. Of course, my job has suddenly degenerated into floor sweeper." James shook his head sorrowfully. "I don't know, the things Muggles will do with a perfectly good racing broom... I saw some kid only last week with a Firebolt, he nearly flew into the Quidditch stands with it..." Harry blushed. He had a horrible feeling that he wasn't going to be allowed to forget that incident any time soon.   
"I treated him as my own!" Aunt Petunia cried. Despite himself, Harry snorted.   
"Oh, dear," Lily said. "And there was me thinking Harry was healthy, too."   
"What?"   
"Well, twenty per cent of all Muggle or wizarding death are due to obesity... and yes, young man, I _am_ talking about you." Now it was Dudley's turn to go pale.   
"And just who do you think you are?" Uncle Vernon roared.   
"I don't know who she is, but I'm Harry's father," James said quietly. "Remember me? Remember my _fist?_"   
"B-but... but you're _dead_..." Aunt Petunia whispered.   
"Why does everyone I meet think I'm dead?" James inquired of the world in general. Lily shrugged.   
"_I_ dunno. I mean, if I was dead I'd've found it a bit hard to have Myrtle, wouldn't I?" The baby gurgled, and a small grey squirrel head popped up over Lily's shoulder, peering inquisitively at the scene on the station. "Oh, she's awake."   
"_Hold on a second_." Aunt Marge had made a recovery. "Are you saying that you faked your deaths, dumped this... this disgusting little _brat_ on good, hard-working people like these, and now you're calmly walking back to take full credit for what little development he's made?"   
"No." James sounded angrier than even Lily had ever heard him. "We are saying that we were in danger of our lives and in a rush to get into hiding, I - you see, Lils, I'm admitting it - I picked up the wrong baby. Nobody knew until _we_ realised, and then there was... an accident. If we had had any intention of leaving Harry with _your_ disgusting relatives, then believe me at least one of my friends would have turned us both into Social Services."   
"So you only just bothered to find him?" Uncle Vernon asked.   
"We only just found out he was alive!" Lily cried. Dudley squeaked. "You _know_ what happened, Vernon, nobody thought to tell us-"   
"I've had enough of this," Uncle Vernon growled. "You! I'll take you on."   
"Fine," James said, pulling out his wand. "Sparks at ten paces all right by you? Or would you prefer - oh, dear, you can't do magic, can you? Ah well." In one swift movement he put his wand away, drew back a fist and...   
"JAMES POTTER!"   
...jumped suddenly to attention, yelled "It wasn't me, mum!" then looked thoroughly confused. "Mum?"   
"No, actually," Sirius said, "but I had to get your attention somehow. Sorry."   
"Sirius? What are _you_ doing here?"   
"I thought you were coming to see Death Eating By Numbers, I was just wondering where you'd got to. That's all.   
"Oh, right. We'll come now then, shall we?"   
"Good idea," Lily cut across Sirius. "Come on, boys..." before they could argue, she had pushed past the Dursleys and stalked off with Harry's trunk. 

///   
A/n; Just the epilogue to go now, and I've written that. g> Just need to type it up... oooh, that reminds me, this story is book length! Impressive, no?   
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	37. Epilogue

wmipart17 The Werewolves' Magic Institute   
By Admiral Albia 

In which the story ends... and a new plotline is laid... 

Disclaimer; I own nothing except the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the books. It's very simple. Jiggy McCue (and the other Musketeers) belong to the great god Michael Lawrence, the rest belongs to the great goddess J.K. Rowling. All lyrics from the musical _Anything Goes_ belong to whoever owns _Anything Goes_. 

My heartfelt gratitude to Caitlin Black. A better beta-reader I could not ask for. 

My apologies for the short epilogue. Just finishing off, really. 

Chapter 17; Epilogue   
"You know what's really strange?" Hermione commented as they took their seats in one of the boxes of the Dramagic Theatre.   
"What?" Harry and Ron asked.   
"It's the way we've adjusted so quickly to all these big changes," Hermione laughed. "Ron's even beginning to like werewolves."   
"One in particular," Paul murmured from behind. Anna gave a cough which sounded suspiciously like `Mona!`   
"I _always_ liked-" Ron began, but several people shushed him; the show was starting.   
About halfway through both babies - Holly having been entrusted to James and Lily for the night - began to cry. And James screamed, "That b----y baby!", which just goes to show that some things never change.   
And everyone settled down and was happy, and the babies grew and were great friends, just like their fathers. And then the day came when _they_ went to Hogwarts...   
...but that's another story. 

///   
A/n; Done! =D Aaand for my next fic, I shall attempt to write Myrtle and Holly's school years, so look out for any fic called `Myrtle Potter and the (need title fast!)`, by yours truly.   
My apologies for the length of this chapter... it just suddenly occurred to me that where there's a Prologue there must be an Epilogue... and Live Free Or Die has a Prologue... =)   
Your last chance, folks! Review it now iif you haven't already!


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